Thoughts on Bl. Mother Teresa's Darkness

Am over half-way through the book of Bl. Mother Teresa's darkness. My dear spiritual da insisted that I read it, for I have had much darkness for several months, and only blue-moon's of peace for several years.j

In the making of a saint, after the person has died, author's seem to create reasons why the person may have had faults. Mother Teresa's impulsivity and impatience are diminshed by a vow she made years earlier, to refuse God nothing. This is so, but I wonder if the saint herself would now appreciate the simple truth that saints have some faults that are simply human?

With her darkness of soul, the sense that her faith was dead, and the abject loneliness she felt for years--much is made by others today that it is a great virtue that she subjugated her feelings, that she did not want anyone to know that she forced her smile.

Now the attitude is that it is a great help to people to know that she struggled with her faith, that the smile was forced and hid the struggling, no doubt exhausted, woman within.

Obviously, she did not want her interior to be known by the entire world. The atheists and agnostics would wave the information like flags over their disbelieving gathering spaces.

But one wonders how the sisters would have been affected if she had let this struggle be known. Perhaps they would be discouraged. We don't know. Perhaps others would have been encouraged, as we are to be today in knowing that she had trials such as we encounter or may encounter in our climb of the holy mountain. Some may have felt at the time that there was no way they could be like Mother Teresa, and perhaps the standard set by her outer resolve and the high bar on the hurdle, made others feel, "Well, she's a saint. I have so many faults and have darkness inside; I could not possible be that holy."

Perhaps Bl. Mother Teresa did not need to so guard her secret life within to the degree that it was hidden. Or, perhaps now the standard should not be continued, of keeping one's trials buried.

In conjunction with these thoughts, one may view into St. Padre Pio's life. His struggles were a bit more obvious. He was faulted for his snappiness and harshness. He had such physical pain that a times it was humanly impossible to bury the anguish, the fatigue, the sharpness. He also read into souls with a raw openness that would sicken the many who have not this spiritual "gift". And what a "gift"! Such pain to see the lies people tried to hide, the evil in their lives they tried to cover over; but he could see. And he perhaps justly snapped their lies right out of their minds and mouths.

People who live in lies don't like to have their ugliness ripped open and exposed. They don't unless they are in some corner of their deep, black hole desiring forgiveness and conversion.

For those who suffer spiritual trials, it is now a blessing to have Mother Teresa's true self revealed, for there is much good in knowing. Especially, there is good when half-way through the writings, she comes to a point of recognizing that her interior struggles and loneliness are the way in which Jesus suffered and suffers still, and that sharing His interior anguish is doing something beautiful for God. Her smile then became more genuine, even though the interior suffering continued.

If it weren't for the letters of Mother Teresa being published, I would not have found this saint to be one I with which I could relate much, for she seemed beyond human, too good to be imitable. It is good to ponder all things in one's heart, but it is good to be like Mother Mary whose sufferings were known and exposed, at least in Scripture through Simeon's prophecy. We can somewhat imagine what it would be to have a sword pierce one's soul.

For those who suffer spiritual and physical trials, knowing St. Padre Pio's interior and exterior struggles emboldens the courage and perseverance to endure. Knowing that he smiled and joked, and cared for the sick and suffering through the hospital built and his daily life of hours in the confessional, brings the reality of a human saint before us--one who could not hide his inner or outer.

My spiritual da has commented that Padre Pio's body is corrupt, and he thinks it is due to his harshness and snappiness. I do not think so, not that it matters to Padre Pio or God or anyone what I think. But I believe that God gave over his body to ashes as a gift. In his life, for fifty years of suffering the wounds of Christ, doctors, priests and any humanity who could get close enough in person or through photos, examined and probed Padre Pio's very painful wounds. Now he can rest in peace, his body not poked or torn-apart tested.