Intense Catholic Love

Now out of the darkest of nights, my intense love of Catholicism meets this dawn. Reflections of nature waiver on the waters of Lake Immaculata, as the hermit lies in bed on an ice pack, tears running down cheeks.

Yes, it is pain again. Raw physical pain does this, as well as turns thoughts toward an adult son who is veritably dead to other than his work, his social life, his world in a large city.

The trip to the doctor yielded some sample medications, and the hermit stopped too soon taking more at night in order to get a decent sleep. The hermit lost health insurance shortly after the car accident, divorce, surgeries and loss of career. That has been years ago, and living without health insurance is a step in faith formation! So be it. The Lord loves a cheerful giver, and I give the suffering, especially the despairs and darkness, to Jesus in union with His suffering, and for reparation for my sins and the sins fo the world.

My love for Catholicism increases, the strength of the faith comes out all the stronger each time a despair is vanquished.

My spiritual da gave me the book of Mother Teresa's letters, expressing her despairs and doubts. He figured it would do me good to read another person's darkness, so as to not feel alone.

Should I have not written the darkness, the thoughts of this or that, when in despair? Will someone use it as a means to stab at the Church? I don't know. At the time, in the darkness, the words poured out of the wounds. They are a chronicle of what lies within a dark night of the soul. Now they are past, and day is here.

Light of Christ intensifies my love of Holy Mother Church. I am Catholic through and through, and the intense Catholic love is the love of Christ within the Body, the Church, and all of us in humankind striving for meaning, for love, to love and learn to love.