The Hermit's Current Status and on Friendships

The hermit is now approved verbally to continue on with the noncanonical, avowed, consecrated status, which means to continue on as has been but hopefully much better in discipline. The rule of life is being read over by the Vicar General, out of the kindness of his soul. Then, if God so wills at some time future, canonical approval and public vows are possible. First the annulment must go through, and God must make His will known as to status He desires.

We discussed the good of canonical approval and the good of noncanonical status. Both have good points, and there are hermit saints who were of the noncanonical type. This hermit still is for now very satisfied with the hidden aspects of noncanonical status, but the accountability factor for public vows is a good, as well as educating people as to the vocation. God surely decides based upon circumstances, environment, personality, and His needs at the time and place.

As for the comment on friendships should not be based on one's therapeutic needs, the comment was an honest comment. No judgments were meant personally only to suggest that the hermit's friendships should not be based on problems. Even in mutual benefit level of friendship, it was pointed out to the hermit that dealing with each other's therapeutic needs is not always healthy. There was not much headway made until the Vicar General explained it in terms of prayer. We ought not pray in petitions all the time but also in thanksgivings.

Now, this made great sense and is true. Friendships, likewise, should not be based on therapeutic need but also on praise of life. When the hermit pointed out that with the constant pain there isn't much fun, for it was suggested that friends can have fun together, also, it was then pointed out by the hermit that there at least are aspects which are more distracting from the pain, and that is a kind of "fun"! However, there are joys and praises to be expressed in conversations, and the hermit is working on this very much.

The comment now is all the more powerful in its truth and the goodness God has brought in correcting the hermit's poor friendship skills. Yes, they had dwindled in the past months of too much pain, and probably had not been praising enough for a long time. But thinking on it, the hermit does discuss the beautiful flowers and gets others to be interested in gardening. The hermit and friends discuss good happenings, such as a friend's daughter getting an "A" on her first college paper. Or a cousin's putting a new Thomas the Train bedspread on her grandson's bed for when he comes to visit. Or the joy of seeing Andrew the Heron at dawn by the pond.

Since the pain has eased some again, the hermit's attitude toward new friends and Catholic friends has improved. However, it is true that the hermit must be firm in not going out to dinner except in dire need, mostly for others' therapeutic needs and problems to be helped, but on occasion for a celebration such as a wedding. None of the sitting is fun, and if the occasion is not necessary, the hermit must be at home at rest, managing the pain, and not losing the reserve necessary for control of the tongue and emotions. This comes under the "s" of silence and leans into "stability" and even "selflessness", for it is better to think of others and to protect them from "too much information" as well as bad attitude and problems that spill out from one who is ill with pain more so at times, but not always.

It was pointed out that a priest cannot discuss priest problems with lay friends for it would be too much for them to bear. Again, it seems a hermit must be very much the religious, very much for the other, and on occasion when the problems are severe, can call for help for those problems but with a trusted friend who can bear the cross.

Tomorrow the hermit is going to the doctor, which is a major step since there is no health insurance. The hermit is uninsurable. Tsk. Tsk. But it has been a benefit in some ways, as there is little going to the doctor for this and that. Now it is necessary for the sense of illness is strong, and the nerve pain of recent months might be helped by samples of neurontin. That is worth a try, plus possilbly an antibiotic. It is not charitable to go on with such suffering to the detriment of others. Too many calls for help in coping with pain, too many darkly written passages, too much crying and exhaustion, too much despair and confused thoughts.

In friendships, then, the long-time friends are best for cross-bearing, but if God brings a new one to bear it for a while, that is all right. If God brings the new friend, that is. Practice sharing praises and joys more so than problems or at least not less than problems. (My adult daughter has read a recent study suggesting that friends who share problems only make the problems seem worse by discussing them, and it is not healthy for the friendship.) Newer friends, other friends, do not need to carry the cross. Selflessness is the goal in friendships.

The past couple or so months are rather a blur of pain and spiritual assaults. Wrong assumptions, extremes in thoughts and erratic efforts to endure. It is as if the battery was nearly worn down to a point in which a jump start would not have worked. The Lord is here and helping, through friends and priests. Well, priests are our friends in therapeutic needs and in thanksgivings.