The Hermit Has Therapeutic Needs

I'm still working on this growth area, that of realizing I base my friendships on my therapeutic needs--but also on my friends' therapeutic needs.

I suppose a complete hermit does have therapeutic needs. Everyone does. It may seem harsh to use the term "therapeutic needs", but it will do in our age of therapy and therapists. Better terms might be "human needs" or "body and soul needs."

A priest e-mailed the three categories of friendships elucidated by Aristotle. The first is to have friends for the pleasure of being in their company. The second is for mutual need (and here he thought therapeutic needs might fit). The third and highest level is for the need of the other, such as Christ's giving Himself for our--yes, our "therapeutic needs."

Now, here is the goal, of course: get to the third level of friendship in which one lays down his life for his friends. This means to give ourself for others' therapeutic needs without the view or intention of gaining help for our own therapeutic needs.

A hermit needs to strive for this level of friendship for it is the holiest of friendships. Great trust in God is necessary, for we humans, hermit or not, need help for our own therapeutic needs. When it comes down to it, in all honesty, about everything is based on our therapeutic needs.

A friend of mine (of the second level at minimum) has endured much difficulty in a marriage over the years. Her husband has therapeutic needs, and his needs and her dealing with them are in actuality the basis of their marriage. Well, it is of course the unconditional love which is the base of the basis. But all the interactions are based upon the therapeutic needs, for until these are helped, there is not much else to deal with. Like a card game, until certain cards that have been dealt are played, there won't be opportunity for trump cards to be laid out.

A hermit is to be on the plane of a religious, a holy religious, that is. We are not to have too many superficialities, and the fact is that I cannot take pleasure in just being around people for the fun of it, for the physical suffering precludes fun like that. No, in order to manage the pain, I require depth; and ever since my death experience 20 years ago and being sent back to this life, I am required to challenge myself and others to plumb the depths, to seek the spiritual view in all matters and thoughts.

That I cry out in my "therapeutic needs" from time to time is an honest but not always welcome approach to carrying the cross. The soldiers snagged Simon to help carry Jesus' cross. I contact one or more Simons, for just one Simon would wear out as the way of my journey to crucifixion stretches out over years. Carrying my cross with me is too much for one person and requires a relay team of Simons.

I'm a Simon, too, and on a team of Simons for several of my long-time friends. What I have encountered in recent attempts at friendships since my conversion, is that they often have their own team of Simons, or they also are uncomfortable in admitting they have therapeutic needs. I suppose it is pride that makes a person think they do not have therapeutic needs. Jesus humbled Himself accepting not only death on the cross but also Simon's enlisted help in carrying His cross. Since Jesus could have done anything Himself, it seems this choice to have a Simon on the scene is a good word of healthy advice to all of us.

At the highest level of friendship, that of how Christ is friend to us in laying down His life for our therapeutic needs, we can strive to be this kind of friend to others. It requires much faith and trust, though, for underlying our being available to others' therapeutic needs, may be the motive that they will help our own therapeutic needs. No, we must trust that God will take care of our therapeutic needs in His own way, and it may be by a friend or a stranger's help, unrelated to our helping a person in therapeutic need.

Whether a hermit or not, humans have therapeutic needs. Elderly people are lonely and sick. Young people are lonely and sick. Well, not all people, but there is that element in life. Saints, I suppose, when they get to that degree of perfection, are not lonely for they are in Christ and have been crucified in Him so it is not they who live but Christ in them who lives.

This degree of perfection comes after one has lived in the second level (of mutual benefit) of friendship and has passed on into the third level of being selfless and other-centered. I'm not sure if a human being can be consistently at this level, but perhaps that is what the saints demonstrate, and Christ certainly showed the way.