Quo Vadis?

I hate to be a spoil sport, but I am awake in suffering, and deep in my innermost being the thought of anything but a life as a consecrated hermit brings tears to my soul.

Once again the thought comes: There is no place for me in the Catholic Church. But, I know this is not so. It is just that the Head must be in accord with the Body. The message of God must cohere with the Church.

Up to get an ice pack, and then looked at any possible e-mails. A very cogent answer has come from a diocese hermit who has a blog, who has degrees in systemic theology. Yes, I can be a hermit without canonical status and be in the Church; but yes, canonical status is necessary in another context for the reasons of which I have read and of which I sense and know.

In the meantime, I must write out my plan of life. I need support of other hermits. I need spiritual direction.

This latter is vague. My Spiritual Da is going on 88 and is declining in health. He loves me as a daughter. But he prays, and he listens, and he is holy. But he isn't so clear, and that is all right. We are anam cara. My confessor is an instrument of the Lord, also. It is what God has provided--both of these clerics. I am grateful. But it is a kind of hodge-podge of spiritual direction, nebulous, like my very existence.

Another book is recommended. The gist is given. I know from other reading why a hermit must relinquish all. I know why consecration is invaluable in the journey. I have so many, many books and have read and read and read. But it is good to know of another book out there.

The thought of working in the Office of Spiritual Development does not resonate for it is of the other world, but it could be all right if I could physically sustain the effort. I should not limit God by my physical body. He can do as He wills.

I'm not sure why my wrist is so slow in healing other than there is a tear in a muscle, a tendon, a ligament. Or stretched and damaged, for the bone protrudes yet is not broken. This injury helps me comprehend the extent of the other pain in the body, for the wrist is minor, in what in others would be major. It keeps all things in perspective. Thankfully, I have the splint to wear, and in time it will heal. It all takes earth time, these things, that God could, if He chose, command in an instant.

We had rain here tonight, heavy rain and thunder and lightning. I will not need to water in the morning. I will go to early Mass and confession. Then I will deal with roses and figure out what to do with a Rose of Sharon planted in the rose garden, as I have found out from a garden center clerk that roses do not like competition, that they do not like being near a tree.

This is so in the life of an eremitic. There can not be other competition for the soul's calling and destiny. One must be flexible in removing what does not belong.

However, I will allow the net to be drawn up and see what is in it. Regarding the Office of Spiritual Development, I would quickly become over-peopled unless God changes me innermost being and returns me to the world, gives me the graces to exist in that world, allows the physical means to endure. I suppose in the full spectrum of life, this is but a torn tendon or ligament, taking a little longer to figure out and mend.

But, it is good to know that I can be a hermit, a Catholic hermit, without canonical status. But the Church is to know that I am a hermit and the parish to be a support in this. Hmmm. The net is cast there, also.