Fear the Lord; Rejoice in His Commands

My spiritual da spoke to me the other night on the phone, and then sent a note, repeating a Psalm response that he felt "said it all". We discussed my very simple rule of life, for the hermit life, and he said it could be summed up in this: Fear the Lord and rejoice in His commands.

While he said the job with the Office of Spiritual Development would be "right up my alley" and what good I could do the Diocese, we had to admit that my life is chosen for suffering and solitude and prayer. My confessor the next day commented that he did not think I could physically do that job; and I could not. But more than that, God has not called me to that job which more takes me back into the other world, where it has been pointed out to me at least three or four times, deeply and directly, that I no longer belong to that world.

Yesterday morning when mustering energy to plant some roses in the Mary Garden, and I seem to move roses I've already planted--the thought came that perhaps the Lord will ask me to move to a diocese in which consecrated hermits are not such strange unknowns. It seems unlikely, but I must be open to move if this is what God desires.

After Mass, I briefly spoke with the Vicar General/Rector/Chancelleor, also my confessor, and acknowledged that what is of vital importance in my spiritual life is not at all a priority for the Bishop. I have not received his written response in four months, and it is due to my being a peanut in comparison to the important matters pressing upon him. The reality is that he has never had me in for an appointment to ask questions of the hermit life. I commented that even if he would read a blog site to which D referred me, he would comprehend more that it isn't for anti-social recluses, and that other dioceses do consecrate eremitics, that they are part of the parish and an asset to their dioceses. So I said this to the VG, and I also said that deep in my heart I know I am to be a consecrated hermit.

He said again that he doesn't see why I cannot live the life without being canonically approved. I pointed out again what Dom Leclerq and Pere Louis Bouyer write about the matter. I did not repeat again that I know from experience that my angel would not tell me directly something, using certain words, if that is not what God specifically desires. And, without getting into another soul-mind split over the matter, into confusion and upset, I know God would not use certain terms and have me in the Catholic Church, if His own Head was not in union with His Church, the Body.

Another thing, on the topic of messages: I didn't mean to be so cavalier about them in the last blog. St. John of the Cross does warn against paying attention to visions, locutions, and other phenomenon. It is part of the detachment necessary for the soul to progress to unitive prayer and divine union. The warning is to not be obsessed or attached; but I wonder about the wisdom of not paying attention to some, if they have been culled by one's spiritual father, prayed over, and tested by time. For, if St. Joseph had ignored his dream, and not taken his family to Egypt, that would not have been good, huh? Also, what if he took his family to Syria and not to Egypt? The angel was specific. God does not send nebulous or changeable messages. The words mean what they say. When Moses was told to strike the rock once, and he struck it twice, that did not go over well with the Lord. There were consequences for Moses. But I admit I know of someone whose life is rather distracted and not taken seriously because she has gone off the deep end with every little phenomena, chases any sighting of this or that, and has her head down looking for gold on the ground rather than looking to the Cross and Christ crucified upon it.

Again, though, back to my little conversation with the VG, he again said in his opinion I could live the life without being canonically approved and God would give the graces needed. For awhile after this conversation, I thought if he would tell me, then, that it is all right for me to consider myself a hermit, to have that focus and name, then I would be at peace. But it still does not seem right, not in the light of the Catechism. But perhaps this priest who is veritably the second in authority of our Diocse, has the authority to say so and then it would be so.

I did tell him I would wait and make the request of the new Bishop (and this VG might be the interim, but I do not know if or think that he would canonically approve me since he does not see the need and necessity). In the meantime, I will also pray and listen. Perhaps I am to go elsewhere, although there have been no indications of that.

Yesterday morning, while working and praying, the example of Jacob and Esau came to mind. So I also told the VG, and this made him chuckle, that with the next Bishop, I would not be "myself" and would not reveal certain aspects of my interior life, as with the current Bishop, being myself was not what he could accept, as he could not grasp "myself." I said with the next Bishop, I would "pull the wool" as Jacob did in order to gain the birthright.

As for fearing the Lord and rejoicing in His commands, recently I read some sermons by St. Francis de Sales on the Blessed Virgin Mary. He said that one must love the One Who gives the commands, and also love the command. I am praying and working on loving the hermit life, for that is God's command to me, and I love God, but I admit I have not loved the command.