Incomplete Hermit, but Hermit

Now I can attest to what it is like for a hermit to become imbalanced. Due to the unusual drought and high temperatures, and the necessity of getting the landscaping put in at Agnus Dei, I had to spend hours watering and more hours planting, and keeping things up from the expense of the landscapers' work. Trees, lawn, roses, perennials, groundcover, shrubs--all have needed much attention, more than usual. There was the shopping for the plants, finding them on sale, planning where to put them, figuring out stone areas and outdoor furniture in case there would be a guest or two, deciding upon not having any structures constructed.

As a result, my daily schedule became quite lopsided. I didn't think this would have such an effect. I'd go to daily Mass, but other than that, I worked. I worked and worked and burned out. One morning while weeding (yes, I had to weed much), I had some red beans boiling on the stove and forgot about them. The stone worker came to get me, thankfully; it took two weeks to rid out the burn odor from all the smoke. Then I've had repeated groundcover nightmares. They are nightmares because in them I have three unique types of groundcover on hold, purchased, at a nursery, and I cannot remember how to find the nursery or what it is called. It is a torment in the dream, for somehow I must get those plants; it is a matter of inexplicable urgency. When I awaken, for some time I still think I have groundcover being held and that I am to pick up.

So, I was ripe for a demonic attack, and I had a major one that lasted ten days or so. It became a crisis of faith. After a couple of priests helped me through that, my body collapsed from the fatigue and too much physical labor. Thus, I could no longer water or plant in the opposite extreme. But I was too ill with pain to attain spiritual reading, or to retain when I tried.

All this culminated with the unknowns of the Bishop's decision. His decision came, thus, as a relief! But after praying most of the night, I have settled down, and also, probably much so, after Mass and confession which solidified the prayers.

I cast but two nets. One was sending the resume to the woman in the Office of Spiritual Development, as she enthusiastically said to do so and to have an interview. But I've not heard from her since, and this is all right, for the job is a long-shot, and I am very detached about it, thankfully. The other net was an e-mail to some friends who have connection with an abbey, and they are praying as well as will make inquiry if there are any priests there who have experience with hermits or the hermit vocation. I feel this is good net to cast, for the information is always beneficial.

But what I concluded from prayer, Mass and confession, is that I will not do exactly as the Bishop said, but close. He said to continue on as I have been; I pray to continue on better than I have been.

There is no sense or indication that I am to move elsewhere. In fact, there is a stronger sense that I am to stay right here. I received some answers back from two diocese hermits, thankfully so. I now know that I can be a Catholic hermit without canonical approval, but consecration is the goal for reasons I've expressed in previous blogs. The hermit, however, expressed one reason in a way that hits it squarely: when one is consecrated, one enters into a new state of life. This is very important for the successful living out of the vocation, spiritually and practically. I must add that this new state of life is not only for the benefit of the hermit, but the graces and living as a consecrated eremitic would benefit the world around and people encountered. It builds the Body of the Church from inside and outside. Graces are like that; they weave in and out without often being noticed. But the fabric is strong and beautiful as a result.

I am told by the hermit that I do need spiritual direction and support of others, hermits and a community such as my parish. When I relayed some of these suggestions to my confessor, he wanted to know in what way is the parish to be a support. I figured in a way that the hermit would be accepted as a natural part, not considered strange, and to have odd notions of hermit life to be dispelled, but also as a participating member of the Body, yet with the distinctive aspects of this vocation. But, I said I'd ask what the hermit did mean, for I was surmising.

I am also told that I should take private vows while awaiting consecration, which, another hermit has e-mailed, could take years. In the meanwhile, I must live the life. I need to write out the plan of life and the rule; this I will do, as I have not written it out in a formal manner. I will also rewrite the vows I took nearly seven years ago, if they need to be altered, as I made them with the notion of anchoritic life, as I spent a year more enclosed then. Also, I hope these vows will be received, as well as the plan of life and rule, by my confessor, as he more represents the parish and diocese.

Today has been very good. After Mass and confession, I worked outside some, praying while doing so. I answered a phone call; I went a mile away and purchased three more rose bushes for the Our Lady of Fatima Rose Garden (in the Mary Garden). I did spiritual reading, rested, prayed more, corresponded, and did a couple more hours of manual labor. What I must return to is Office of Readings and Morning Prayer, but at least I have kept up with Night Prayer in the Divine Office. As the massive work load eases, hopefully soon as the weather is cooperating more and I don't have to water and the Mary Garden is nearly complete except for trees and the remaining perennials and roses, I want to add more Hours of the Office in each day. I used to, after all, and see how getting out of balance causes chaos?

What seems good, in a way perhaps others would not understand, is that I can be a hermit and live in Agnus Dei Hermitage. Somehow I just needed a category, and I am at peace being able to technically be a hermit in the Church, even though not yet and maybe not for a long time, a consecrated hermit. This makes it that my angel's message coincides with the Church's decision for now, via the Bishop. And I'm ever so grateful that my confessor is open to what the hermit life entails, and what consecration means and how it benefits one and all.

The timing of the comments of the diocese hermit has God's touch to it! Thanks!