I was given my mission 11 years ago, and I yet do not know how to fulfill it--adequately. Perhaps it is not possible while in this state. Perhaps I will be able to fulfill it more perfectly--yet not perfectly--when consecrated as an eremitic, as one dead and buried in her Agnus Dei.
The Virgin Mary gave me my mission, for I asked one day while praying in the old chapel of a convent motherhouse. I had been excluded from a Mass that later I learned I could have attended. It was an odd thing that my Godmother said I was not allowed. But perhaps that is why my Heavenly Mother consoled me with giving me a mission of my own. She appeared but not in form, but in whitish mist, and she said clearly, simply: just adore Him.
Now, while awaiting death, I anguish over how to adore Him. How more to adore Him?
Perhaps reading and pondering the Word of God, His Word, will help me adore. Perhaps this will help unlock the passions of my soul in more perfect adoration.
Please, Lord, speak for me, on my behalf, on Our behalf, You and me--to the Vicar General and the Bishop. Help them to see that I am dying, that I need to come to death and not be in this extended state of dying. Let them inter me in You, in Agnus Dei. Let them place me fully dead in Mother Mary's arms, in the bosom of the Church. Then my sufferings and the sufferings of Holy Mother Church shall be made one.
Then perhaps I can more perfectly just adore Him.
