Am comprehending what is occurring: I am dying. It is a slow death with pressure on the heart, a feeling of gradual suffocation.
This will not come to glorious death until the Bishop allows me to die, to be interred here at Agnus Dei with the blessing of the Church.
Like Joan of Arc, but in different circumstances entirely, I can say, "Bishop, I die through you."
While I wait, the process continues with such suffering, that death, when it comes, will be relished.
My Heavenly Father, the Son Redeemer of the World, and God the Holy Spirit continue to strip me of this life, this world, these people and things. Now, through a friend of Heaven, I comprehend that further stripping, the final stripping, is to be had through the Word.
I turn to the Book of Hebrews. Yes, I love St. John's Gospel and Epistles, but I turn to Hebrews, as I did when lying in the hospital bed for three months following the back surgeries and death experience.
I turn to the Book of Hebrews, now, in this death experience. The Word resonates within my soul, the lilting language and mystical tones.
Pray that the Bishop wait not so long as for me to lose the courage. But I must not fear; I have the five gold-barred chevrons given by St. Joan, along with the round gold amulet, one placed above my heart and the other around my neck. These are for courage and protection from evil.
I've had the Last Supper; I am stripped of the last of my attachments in human friendships; I am in process of whatever stripping is promised from immersion in Scripture. I am ready and awaiting the official death declaration of Holy Mother Church. Lord, I will relish this death.
