This morning I took in the guidebook for the eremitical life used formerly by the Diocese of LaCrosse. They are currently revising this book, but the Vicar General yesterday mentioned it would be helpful.
So, the Bishop and he have not discounted my request for canonical approval as a hermit in our Diocese. It is the choice of God, truly, if I am to be a consecrated eremitic.
The reality is frightening at times, but challenging and motivating.
Yesterday I spent some time writing a two-page letter to the Vicar General, feeling a need to express some of what is going on in the daily experience, the struggles and efforts made. I revised the letter and printed it out last night. This morning I cut off the bottom third of the second page and attached that small bit to the guidebook, with a note attached explaining I'd written a letter but realized he'd ask me if he needed information on my progress!
This brings me to the point about stillness: it is difficult as are all the nine s'.
When I used to think that my constant suffering was the most challenging "s", it now seems the easiest for it is always in me, and I am somewhat used to it.
To adapt to the other nine s' is taking much effort, and often I do not expend the effort.
For example, in stillness, the moments and minutes and hours pass slowly. I find myself looking out the window to Lake Immaculata often enough, or to write a letter and rewrite and spend much time, only to realize that other people, such as the Vicar General especially, are very busy with too much information tossed into their brains as it is. Besides, I must let my Spouse speak for me, explain whatever needs to be offered, on my behalf, for His whole.
Learning stillness in correspondence is but one aspect. God is curtailing the e-mail messages; most people are very busy. I am learning to take what He brings me. Recently I read in Bl. Paul Giustiniani, or somewhere--maybe in the LaCrosse guidebook--that a hermit is not to approach others but others may approach the hermit. This stands true in our current e-mail age. I wait.
In the stillness, with the time passing slowly, more prayer intentions rise to the surface of a yet very unstilled mind.
Charity must be offered in stillness, in stilling the mind and mouth and actions even within the hermitage. This charity is offered for the busy, active people in the world who work and have to rush about in a kind of cultural necessity, to earn a living to support self and families. Who am I to take their time with my observations and often enough, detailed, TMI (too much information)?
Jesus didn't seem to flap on and on. He had stillness inside and out.
The Virgin Mary didn't flap on and on. She had stillness inside and out.
I so want to learn stillness, inside and out. It will take effort, for stillness requires annihilating the interior and exterior jitters.
Abba Moses (and many other hermits who expressed the thought) said: Go into your cell and your cell will teach you all. This week, I am staying in the cell most of the time, and it is teaching me that I need stillness. The more I remain in the cell, the more stillness will settle inside and out.
Lake Immaculata shows me stillness when there is no wind or ducks and geese paddling.
