Indefinitely Nothing

If there were to be a new and different blog, to follow along with the desired embrace of the fact of being nothing, it could be called Indefinitely Nothing. Totally Nothing was considered, but it is too constricting, for nothing is total, just as the title The Complete Hermit is a bit tongue-in-cheek, for no hermit is complete.

Nothingness and learning of nothingness extends indefinitely. But, there probably will not be a switch in blogs, for after another year, or sooner, there may be some other realization in spiritual growth, and stability includes just staying put. This can be in abode and in blogs.

A sense of terror gripped, last night, for a moment or so. It stemmed from the escalating neighbor situation. Then, into the mind flashed memories of childhood, of a protected, calm childhood. The mother displayed a temper at times, but even in the temper, she meant well; most of her temper did have a point: she loved, and we were reared to be responsible and good. The father was very much the gentle man. The memory included his having the mother take the children to a lake home prior to the movers coming, when the family had sold their old home, and in a few months moving into one being built. He did not want the teen-age children, at that time, to be upset in any way, or to have tears over leaving the old house!

After these flashes of the protected and calm childhood, a deep and sorrowful unveiling of the thousands of children terrorized within their own families--afraid of parents, siblings, relatives--of children terrorized in unsafe neighborhoods, in unsafe schools, in unsafe situations! Tears started to come. O Lord, how is it that I had such a lovely childhood and am now grown old and have but a few instances of terror in my life, and these children are in fear day in and night out?

The Holy Spirit is instructing in these thoughts and experiences, these realizations. Perhaps St. Silouan is coming through in answer to prayers that he help this nothing soul here, who desires to be emptied, humbled, nothing--in order to love purely, to pray purely, to sorrow without visible tears or any notice by others--the sorrows of the world as Jesus sorrows.

There was a kind of nightmare, but it was only that. In the dream, the nothing noticed the neighbor woman sneaking across the yard in back, and was then seen to be grilling something, and the husband and son were there, too, by this large grill that appeared in the nothing's yard! They did not see me watching, but opened the grill hood, and on it was roasting a skinned cat, and then a meatloaf-type mound of ground cat innards. Was this not a nightmare?

Upon waking, the nothing thought of the newspaper editor who would not print a retraction but agreed to the nothings's something adult, journalist son's entreaties, and will print the son's letter. Then the reality of how good is God to have had the paper print this irresponsible piece of jouranlistic sensationalism which was little more than character defamation. It was that little false story that was bringing the issues with the neighbor to a head, and hopefully a conclusion, and possibly some help for the neighbor who would otherwise probably go on to harm someone else.

So God does bring such good in all situations. Glory be to God! The nothing is praying thanksgivings for the newspaper editor, despite what otherwise would seem a very negative to print. Hopefully, the adult son's letter will calm the neighborhood and set straight the truth for others who believed and are acting on falsehood. This, too, is good, to give responsibility to the son, as the rest of the family look to him now, since he has a visible position with the media in a large city, and will know how to write the retraction with sensitivity and legal prudence.

The detective called this morning to ask if there was anything left while the nothing had been to Mass. No, thanks be to the Lord. And nothing in today's mail, either. He asked for the full details, the background, and it took awhile to go through it, and it was upsetting to have to repeat such incomprehensible evil. But, it is necessary in order to bring this episode to a hoped-for conclusion. He advised the nothing to stay as far away from these people as possible, forever. Here is another good: the nothing will continue to be as if in another world, for already when gardening or going to the mailbox, even if the neighbor was out and saying things loudly in detraction about the nothing to neighbors, the nothing never flinched or turned or looked but kept on weeding or planting or taking the trash out to the curb. It is excellent training in focus, in self-abnegation, in nothingness.

He said he will be making a call to the neighbors, and having a little talk with them, after he and the deputy go through the nasty packet left by the front door yesterday. He said the postal inspector will be handling the letters sent by US mail, and hopefully putting a stop to that with whoever sent them. He said he hoped this would cause anything further from happening.

The nothing, in telling of the details of the various outbursts of the neighbor and anything that may have triggered them, hopefully glorified God. The Bishop had exhorted his flock to manifest Jesus to the world. So when the detective asked why the nothing had kept the little red bag on the porch and only gave it to the deputy yesterday, the response as honestly that it was used as a reminder to pray more for the neighbors, since the lights on all night glaring into the yard was no longer the reminder; the nothing was able to ignore them after three months. The nothing was able to honestly say that when the woman was having a horrendous outburst one day, and the nothing had just read a saint book that said if attacked to make the sign of the cross in the air--that in doing this, the woman charged across and unleashed all the more, and the nothing feared physical assault as well as verbal. So, the nothing was able to say that it had told the priest about it, and that the nothing had resolved to henceforth only make the sign of the cross in its mind. In these small ways, perhaps God was shown to the detective. The nothing repeated that it wished no ill of the neighbors, but wanted to simply live here in its little quiet place, in prayer, spiritual reading, writing and gardening, going out to Mass, and otherwise quiet.

The greatest good today is pondering how to be in the Sacred Heart, and within to love and sorrow for all souls in the world--past, present and future. There is much rejoicing in this reality, and during Mass the thoughts melted into the Sacred Heart so much so that the priest had to jolt from the reveries at Communion time. It is all very humbling.

Ironically, St. Silouan had just last night been read, these words:

"When the soul prays for the world, she knows better without newspapers how the whole earth is afflicted and what people's needs are. She can pity men without the help of papers.

"Newspapers don't write about people but about events, and then not the truth. They confuse the mind and, whatever you do , you wont' get at the truth by reading them; whereas prayer cleanses themind and gives it a better vision of all things."

It was then written that one said to the Staretz that he still didn't understand, for he thought he could better pray with knowing the details from newspapers. But St. Silouan did not answer. He spoke no more but bowed his head in silence, how one can in spirit know the life of the world and the needs and tribulations of men when, remote from all things, she prays for the universe.

Perhaps this is the grace of last night, of the memories of such a peaceful and protected childhood, and then the immense sorrowing of children who do not have this but who live in terror. This was mentioned after Mass this morning, but the priest (not the regular confessor) began speaking of what the newspapers have said about children thrown off bridges and killed by their mothers--but the nothing reminded him that the nothing does not take newspapers or watch TV. It is as well. God does have His way of teaching us to pray as He wills, with the details He desires us to know, if any.