Glutted

Today I learned that the world gives glut, leaves glut, is glut. I feel glutted. I am glutted.

Renunciation is needed: more renunciation of the world. I must be purged and expunged of this glut.

The day went off-kilter when I entered a store and wasted time wandering amidst the glut of material, fabric of clothing, colors, shoppers, clerks. Friendly people, but glutted people. I purchased a black dress. It reminds me of death. Other items, yes good deals, are coming, but thankfully I did not purchase them, and I do not need them.

The herons are more gray than blue. They are not glutted although they eat the fish they need, no more or less. They are free in simplicity; glutting is not natural to them; they glut not.

Such a stark transition from the world, just two and three miles from Agnus Dei Hermitage--more the real world of God's presence. At Mass, seven miles away, the glut of the world meets the real world of God's Presence, as we enter wearing the world on our persons and some inside our persons. But it is at the Mass in which only what is real and necessary and needed enters our minds, bodies and souls. For some, perhaps, the minds remain glutted. I suppose it all depends upon the state of the soul, the freedom of the mind at that point, to be open to God's graces and His Real Presence.

For me, all falls away, the world falls away, during Mass. God is the Presence and essence and power: the Holy Trinity reigns.

This is the world I need and desire. I must renounce more and more the other world, the world of glut. I am ill from glut.

Even dining out with the couple, lovely people, great conversation of spiritual matters--but it is glut. The food was unappealing; the sitting was too much; I now even smell of the restaurant, the people, the food, of the world. I stink of the world. I am glutted inside and out from the world, with the world, by the world.

It is good to know this, to feel this horrendous glutting. To be sick from the glut. Now, how much more do I need to know, to feel, to experience, in order to makes some firm decisions? St. Ignatius learned in this manner, to know and experience how he felt when reading books of the world, and of reading books of the saints and of Jesus, the Word.

I commented to the couple that perhaps I am not trusting God in that I think I must gradually go into the quiet, into the three s's: silence, solitude and stillness. But rather, perhaps I should pinch my nose and turn back to the world, and jump confidently, with full abandon.

It is not easy, for I drive by the material world each day going and coming from the Mass--holy world of God's Real Presence--and then return to experience the world of the three s's, also, in Agnus Dei Hermitage. God is really present here, as well, but not when I squeeze Him out from choosing glut, from glutting myself. Thankfully, I can learn. Now, can I renounce glut?