Hermit and Family

The hermit has returned from a few day's with the adult children and two grandbabies. This is the first time the three adult children and the hermit have been together in well over a year, and prior to that it was perhaps five years--at a daughter's wedding.

We gathered in a city at the home of the eldest daughter, her husband and baby girl. Another daughter flew in with her baby boy; the husband remained home with work. The son flew in from a large city. The occasion was an early birthday party for the baby grandson.

The impetus of this blog, nearly a year ago, was the comment of a friend who said I cannot be a complete hermit because I have adult children. She said that religious are not to have children, and also felt that formal formation is required to be consecrated. This life-long Catholic friend is like so many Catholics--some who don't know what "hermit" is or means.

Of course, the hermit thought it best to be "complete"--but is settling for "incomplete", if that is what God deems. But, the point of the blog is to chronicle the life of a current-day hermit, incomplete or complete. What does that matter?

Yes, a hermit can have adult children. Some hermits had spouses, such as St. Nicholas of Flue who had a wife and perhaps eight children. The family agreed that he could go up the mountain and live in his hermit hut. He returned when it was time to die. His family was just fine with the situation; they comprehended God's call in his life and gave allowance for it. No one should stand in God's way.

This hermit--me--also deals with suffering, with being a victim soul. The family gathering had been looked forward to with much anticipation of joy. The hermit brought gifts for everyone. It was truly a joy to be gathered with the adult children, the one spouse, and the grandbabies. The hermit was determined to not react to any unexpected occurrences or comments.

It was a physical challenge for the hermit to have so much activity and to be out of the hermitage, out of the daily routine and some of the Nine S'--such as silence and solitude and slowness. There were some horrendous dreams to deal with at night, and the hermit discerned quickly the devil was not absenting himself from this reunion. Dreams of the past implanted but yet were cast off in the morning hours.

Sleep was not so easy in a different environment. But what perhaps was the greatest challenge was trying to fit in, trying to be what the adult children would find acceptable. This meant stifling spiritual conversation. This was the greatest challenge for the hermit, requiring intense effort. The hermit is an awkward person, sort of a mis-fit into groups, especially those involving people acclimated to the world. The hermit has grown increasingly interior and sensitized to the spiritual. The hermit did not go to Mass in this city, and two days away from Mass took its toll. The gathering was one in which the hermit needed to be plunged into a different experience, and by the final morning, came: collapse.

When the son readied to leave, the hermit's eyes became waterfalls. There was no mention, but the tears continued. Then the daughter who remained as the others took him to the airport, had a talk with the hermit. Of course, no mention or very little at all was made using the "h" word the entire weekend, except one mention by the hermit of the enjoyment of writing blogs. But the adult daughter expressed some constructive criticism of the hermit, such as the awkwardness, and of seeming to be incapable, and of others not knowing what to do with the hermit, as the hermit seemed inable to relax. The hermit's bad habit of cuticle picking was brought out. Well, the hermit remained mostly silent, and yet did express that the hermit is uncomfortable, worn out, and awkward in that the hermit does not fit in, and knows it.

The hermit could not verbalize much of what was going on interiorly. That would entail getting into spiritual matters, into the soul, into the hermit's life in the Church, living omnia pro Deo, and the sensitivity to that which is in the surroundings. The hermit does feel very vulnerable to the views of the adult children, to sensing not being what they want, who they want, how they want. The hermit did mention this insecurity but did not explain further.

All the way home, the hermit wept. The tears had been rolling for over four hours. Once back at Agnus Dei, some answers surfaced. For one thing, the interior life does not cease in other environments; also, the hermit senses and absorbs an environment--deeply senses and absorbs. It was painful to not be able to discuss Jesus, to pray together even before meals, to be immersed in the world exclusively, exteriorly. The atmosphere resulted in great sorrow welling up. All the more the hermit realized how distanced from the three most loved of the hermit's life, the three closest for many years.

The Lord had a consolation awaiting the hermit in an unexpected letter from Father Abbot of a prominent Abbey. The hermit prays and offers sufferings for the monks of that abbey; the abbot gave good news: seven in formation and two coming this week! Also, there had been inter-religious dialog with Muslim scholars and a retreat for a group of the Catholic Worker movement. What amazed the hermit is that Father Abbot remembered the hermit from a visit nearly three years ago, at which time the hermit and the abbot had a chance encounter in the chapel, at a certain moment in which the hermit, from interior means, was to offer the suffering, to offer as victim soul, for the abbey. The abbot accepted.

Then came a phone call from a former assignee of the hermit, one for whom the hermit had offered suffering. It was a good phone conversation, and this soul is making progress, thankfully, but still very much needs prayer and encouragement from the horrible temptations of an addiction.

And, the hermit has prayer work to do with the adult children. Only one goes to church and has their baby baptized. The hermit wept more considering the consequences that could occur with just a moment of tragedy or accident. Why do we humans take such chances with our eternal souls?

The hermit returned to the Cathedral over an hour before Mass, just to BE there with Jesus, just to ABSORB the silence and solitude, the acceptance. It is at Mass that the hermit can be--can be however the hermit is. Perhaps others do not accept the hermit or even know the hermit, but the hermit is there with the Beloved, and the Beloved knows, understands, and accepts--even the cuticle picking.

And why does the hermit have this habit? Some from childhood, but mostly as a distraction, a kind of referred pain, to distract from the massive physical pain constantly burning the hermit's body, especially when sitting. The hermit is going to try to embrace the pain without picking the cuticle which so effectively causes other pain which distracts from the total body pain. It would be a great feat of sacrifice to embrace the all-over burning pain with no distraction. It will also be humbling if the hermit cannot break the habit. But the hermit will try.

Somehow the hermit has come to honor and value the hermit life. For sure.