Freaky Peace and Joy

This extension of peace and joy seems freaky. The hermit cannot recall this long-of-running spate of deep contentment--not for a very long time, if ever.

Yes, there have been some minor doubts; but the lone struggle, if one can call it a struggle, is that of adapting to such FREEDOM! The hermit is experiencing SPIRITUAL FREEDOM!

Today, the Bishop celebrated noon Mass on this Feast of All Saints. He emphasized prayer. He reminded us that to be holy, we simply must ACCEPT the gifts God imputed to us at our Baptism, and then to pray, to converse (as St. Teresa of Avila said) with God as we would with one who loves us. Be good, strive to be good, but holiness is a gift from God; and prayer is a means to accept God's gift through His love of us.

The hermit is accepting, deeply accepting, God's gift of this hermit life and the freedom that came unexpectedly with the acceptance.

Despite pain, the peace and joy persist. Despite working on not REACTING to how others perceive, whether or not they approve--the hermit enjoys peace and joy. The hermit realizes that nothing and no one can take away the hermit vocation that God has chosen. This in itself is quite freeing, for in all other endeavors, aspects or even huge chunks and sum totals were taken away or not allowed. But a vocation is eternal. The hermit will be a hermit will be a hermit. Vocation is interior with but external manifestations while on earth. Vocation is the vehicle, and being interior, that vehicle moves interiorly, intangibly, and numinously.

The other night the hermit had quite an experience involving the new assignment, the young priest who has fallen in love with a woman, or the woman with him; whichever occurred first is now moot. The hermit awoke in severe pain, the heart suffering much. Then some other manifestations occurred, and there was otherworldly work done on this case.

The next morning, the hermit decided (in an exercise of learning to not react, to not fear, and to be free), to write it out to the Bishop, in descriptive detail. The hermit decided to let the Bishop experience a bit what it is like, this assignment--and to wait to see how the hermit would fare in not reacting if the Bishop reacted. This may fall under the category of learning spiritual detachment or holy indifference.

The hermit has also had to deal with doubts. Did the hermit write too frankly to the young priest? Would he despair? Would he dig his heels in all the more? Is the hermit on firm territory in what was written, which is of faith? Or is the hermit deceived? Is the hermit stepping into business not belonging to the hermit as was sensed from the confessor? And, was that sense from the confessor just the hermit's own anxieties over something which is quite personal but very soul-threatening?

No word has returned from the young priest. The hermit wrote a short note today, expressing concern and love--love enough to be so open and frank; concern enough to want the young priest to know the supernatural realities of what he and the woman are about, and information for them to make informed choices other than what is merely temporal.

The hermit has gained strength in not reacting to no word from the young priest, in not reacting to the what-if's, in not reacting to the subdued and silent sentience of the confessor. The hermit is not reacting to thoughts floating about the mind of the Bishop's reaction to the letter sent.

The hermit has stepped out into the freedom, more like ether sent out into the galaxy; and it is acknowledged that humiliations will be embraced when errors are made along the way. In the freedom to embrace and love humility, resides peace and joy.