Etherized and Sent Out Into the Galaxy

This was the phrasology from yet a different confessor, who knows the hermit's situation.

Yes, it is true. The hermit has been etherized by the "Diocese" and sent out into the galaxy.

My spiritual da put it differently: that while I do not have a place in the Catholic Church, I have a place with God.

Yesterday I was running late, getting things together for a distance drive to a friend's daughter's wedding but wanting to get to noon Mass prior to leaving the city for another city. I nearly stopped to take the mail from the box, but did not.

Upon returning to Agnus Dei today, I got the mail. The Bishop's long-awaited letter had arrived after five and a half months. The delay is understandable, as he wrote that he had been busy with jubilee matters and his sister's recent passing. But as to my request for approval as a hermit, the only comment made was what the hermit previously had heard: continue to live your life of prayer and good readings. He is too busy to visit with me now but perhaps after Christmas.

My suggestion of a visit was in case he would like to discuss hermit life, or ask me questions. Or to see Agnus Dei--but it is not now necessary. He does not have the time now, although he kindly said he would be glad to visit with me. I would not be glad to take his time, for he is tired and busy about many things.

Thankfully, the hermit is not--other than being tired from the driving to the friend's daughter's wedding. It was lovely. Not a Catholic wedding, but very genuine, heartfelt, prayerful, reverent and held in what used to be a Methodist Church, and very old. The hermit appreciated the nostalgic and reverential link with the hermit's church of childhood and upbringing, of fond memories and deep spiritual roots.

I am assimilating all these matters. Driving "home", and even during the night as I spent it with the friend whose only daughter was wed and on her honeymoon, and my friend's ex-husband with his new wife and all his family--yes, I had to admit that deep in my heart, something very precious had died. It had nothing to do with the wedding per se, although in a sense with the death of a great and deep love.

Something inside me has died, something profound and precious. It has to do with my offering my very life to the Church, and having my love and life spurned, rejected.

My spiritual da, prior to the conclusion of the hermit request, had told me that this is my crucifixion. Well, now, what is this but the sword pierced in the side, the finale of the crucifixion?

My passion is spent. I'm not sure where the hermit goes from here, other than to stay in, to stay in and pray and read. And write. I have a place with God, after all.

The confessor who stated that I have been etherized and sent out into the galaxy, also said that I must love the Church. I think that this is the rejection from the Church that has caused the death deep inside. God will show me his place, and He will lead me out, will blow His ethereal spirit into my etherized soul.

Ether has its root in "upper air" and "burn, shine". My late father came early one morning last week and spoke at length. He came from ether. My conscious cannot place the words he spoke but know he spoke, and the substance is what my conscious cannot deal with, or I'd remember. But I was thankful to see him and hear what he said, and I listened. My sense is that it has something to do with my many and recent requests, asked of the Virgin Mary, my father and my mother. We shall see.