Over six weeks ago, in the wee hours, my Guardian Angel appeared in a dream. He was dressed in a business suit, for he meant business. (Of course, angels do not have gender, but God allows them to manifest in ways that do not frighten us and are efficient to our way of perceiving.)
I could see him although he was talking to me via telephone. In dreams, for me, this means God wants my direct attention for a direct message. My angel mildly chastized me for not appreciating or valuing what God had chosen for me: the hermit life. He explained many things, and I remained silent, for it was all too true. I had not valued the life of prayer and of a religious solitary. I far more desired and thought valuable the life of an active person, active in the Catholic Church and doing good for the Church. I also wanted distraction, and the eremitic life is quite difficult for someone like me. So when my angel used the specific term hermit, I could feel myself cringing, even in that dream state.
My angel further told me that God values what He has chosen for me very much, and that I should consider it an honor to be chosen for this hermit life which God Himself values highly.
I spent several days mulling it over before bringing it up to my spiritual director. This wise, old Irish priest said that it was valid and from God, and that my life had been progressing in this direction. I said I much preferred the term "religious solitary" to "hermit". But in submission and attempted meekness, I realized I'd better get used to the term "hermit", for that is what was spoken by the angel. I'd better not mess with God, as I'd pushed the limits already.
In time I used the word "hermit" and "hermitage" in reference to my life and also to the little house I was just about ready to move into. A friend e-mailed me and said that I was not a "complete" hermit because I have adult children who call me, I get out and about, have modern conveniences, and contacts with people in general.
This caused me to begin a marvelous and necessary major reflection on just what is a "complete hermit"? At root, I realized I do not have to be too concerned about being a complete or incomplete hermit, for I know that God has chosen this life for me, and the graces will be there if I cooperate.
To my confessor I shared the message, briefly, and added that another friend and his wife had said that I was not at all the hermit "type", being conversant and out-going. The confessor said it really does not have to do with personality, being a hermit. He pointed out that St. Francis of Assisi was a hermit; and so he was, although we don't think of this popular, active man as such.
Now in the little hermitage, which is quite lovely, and adapting to the stillness and solitude and slowness, I realize that this is indeed what God has chosen for me because it is the MOST DIFFICULT CHALLENGE OF MY EARTHLY EXISTENCE, and God would not have chosen something easy for me. I am always to take the path of greater suffering; and for me, this is it.
So, for anyone out there who has imaginative, romanticized or austere ideas, or even a grasp of the historical view of hermit life, this blog site will follow my journey in discerning and discovering what it is to be a "complete hermit" in this present time and culture. To this, I will share thoughts and insights, whether or not others agree. Above all, I admit that I am very much an incomplete hermit at this stage but very much desire to be complete, for God's sake, at some point, in this life or after.
I welcome comments along the way.
