The Complete Hermit

Help Doctoral Student by Taking His On-Line Hermit Survey

2011-05-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

From Brian: I am currently conducting a hermit survey of my own, at www.dwellingalone.org. I have a list of links and resources related to solitude, including your complete hermit blog. I would be grateful if you would help spread the word about my site and survey.

Hermit: Who is a Real Hermit? Survey Indicator Results

2011-01-03T15:43:00.001-08:00

The current results from the initial Real Hermit survey may be found by going to: http://christinthepresentmoment.blogspot.com/2011/01/perceptions-indicators-from-hermit.html

There may be another survey in future, a replication of the first, with better response mode offered.

New Project

2010-09-23T06:44:00.001-07:00

Have moved beyond hermit label, beyond perhaps even recluse or anchorite, moved beyond victim soul label. Am devoting the present moment and whatever moments left with life on earth to the project of getting to know Christ all the more in the present moment, as well as climbing the stairway to heaven.

A new blog expresses the implementation of the Order of the Present Moment, hopefully climbing with Christ in the present moment...http://christinthepresentmoment.blogspot.com/

An adjunct blog expresses the preface, introduction and structure of the Order of the Present Moment, with the hope finding and climbing the Stairway to Heaven. It is a finite blog, meaning there will come a time when the rationale given for this spiritual order, the structure written, revised, and finished. But it is in process, all the same...http://orderofthepresentmoment.blogspot.com/

Not that the writing is outstanding or the content relevant to any other souls, I am willing to share the thoughts and my attempt to live out the Order of the Present Moment, all for God, within the God-given circumstances of my life.

The project seems a culmination of the journey thus far, and it is beyond personal vocational labels, as mentioned above, and will express the turning more of the soul to Christ. Already there is a post that may still be a loose end from the temporal, yet those moments do occur in every day life, and will continue to occur. The point is to begin climbing the stairway to heaven, and living more in Christ, with His view, moment by moment.

Anyone stumbling upon this post is welcome to read the ones referred to, or not. The writing is personal, hopefully devotional or meditative, or will stimulate ideas for others' adaptation, or not. I welcome comments but will edit those that are inappropriate. Fair enough.

Catholic Hermit Thankful for Bishops' Strong Stances

2009-03-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

Am prayerfully thankful for Bishop D'Arcy's stance, and now this statement to Fr. Jenkins by Bishop Olmsted. May there be more to come, as this is a turning point for Catholics. Shine clear lights upon what the Church IS, to be clear lights through, with, in Christ, not only for the world but for foggy Catholics, as well. We must continue to work hard to be heard, harder to be seen witnessing, and most of all to be assured and to assure that prayers will be answered.

What clear-light Catholics can count on are prayer and the Sacraments, unimpeded by disobedience, dissent, and confused contortions of the Faith. Lest we forget that the Most Holy Trinity and the Virgin Mary, angels and saints feel our pain, Christ will have victory in this.

Part of that victory is the very fact that clear-light Catholics are willing to lay all else aside and stand firm for the Truth of the Church, to defend Her, and to be media-politic-culturally martyred if necessary.

There is a supernatural reality, and this is spiritual warfare being finally brought out into the temporal scene. It is more than Lenten Penance. Passion week is coming soon. Who is the victor, always, in this world and for all eternity?

Let us lay our lives down for Christ and His Church: turn away from cunning deceptions of politicians--even of foggy Catholics. Be not afraid to be clear lights of Christ and His Church: obedient, prayerful, and sacrificial. Offer all for God, for what remains worthy if we do not have the Truth? Let the Notre Dame scandal be the light switch for conversion.

Obama Nation: an Abomination

2009-03-26T06:26:00.001-07:00

Dropping back into the temporal Catholic world to briefly comment that today's Gospel clarifies that we are to follow God, that we are to be clear witnesses to Who He IS and what we believe through Christ, with Christ, in Christ.

The recent legislation, the unprecedented spending, the horrors against human dignity and life, and even the cutting of charitable giving tax credits make clear we are dealing with darkness against what is holy, good, decent and TRUTH.

This is our Lenten Agony. As Catholics, the world, believe it or not, looks to see if we believe and live what we have been Baptized, to what we have been Confirmed, to what we avow at each Mass, to Him Who we receive, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

It is a time for Catholics who are clear in what the Church teaches, to engage unclear Catholics, deceived and foggy Catholics, as to the TRUTH. We must employ the Spiritual Works of Mercy to all:

Admonish sinners
Instruct the ignorant
Counsel the doubtful
Comfort the sorrowful
Bear wrongs patiently
Forgive injuries
Pray for the living and the dead

The Corporal Works of Mercy speak for themselves, as well and are endangered for the most vulnerable.

The invitation of Obama to speak at Notre Dame University commencement as well as to be honored there, is a turning point opportunity for Catholics to rise up out of the pews if they are in them, or to rise up out of deception if not. We must be clear-light witnesses to the Way, the Truth, the Life. Right is always right, and perhaps we needed this abomination to occur in order to uphold that which is sacred and true.

PRAY, SACRIFICE, FAST, WITNESS to CLEAR LIGHT of CHRIST and HIS CHURCH.

Returned from Private Retreat

2008-04-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Returned from private retreat ten days early. Bizarre happenings. It ended up being a "business" trip with much suffering and a couple or three more "assignments." Have been quite ill. Obstacles persisted through the final airport with an issue over a small vial of holy water. The line was drawn, however, and other airport employees kindly boxed the small bottle and shipped it free in plane's belly. One bigoted employee did not get her way, thankfully, and the holy water from Mariazell basilica was not tossed out.

A letter came from a woman who reports nerve problems much of her life. She writes of how lonely it is to be a mystic. The timing of her letter is apropos, for the retreat brought another encounter with a soul of unusual dimension and also horrific capacities.

The experiences float in and out; much is blurred of the time away. The body nearly emptied of electricity save for a ground wire. The soul at times seemed, this past week, about to detach. Much rest, Sacrament of the Annointing of the Sick, Mass finally and to see the Bishop and VG concelebrate, thankfully so. On eighth day of antibiotics and yet depleted, but sparks here and there, in evidence.

So much to mull over of the interior, of the experience which causes the nothing to confront an aspect of the soul. And this aspect causes the nothing to be yet more hidden. From Psalm 26 comes the assurance that the Lord has protected the nothing in His Tabernacle--and there the nothing shall remain.

For safe-keeping, the nothing must remain in the Tabernacle, and the Catholic Church is its only hiding place; and within that hiding place a very narrow nook for experience of others who have chosen to spill out the chalice, demonstrate a sorrowful fate.

So much occurred that is best, at least for now, not described. It has been shared with the confessor who has tried to comprehend. As for other matters, a confessor there in the distant land said to leave it to my Bishop. Another said God was proving the nothing. It seemed stretched beyond endurance, but here it be, and back at Mass late in the afternoon just past. And God willing and body able, to go today and from here on, and to remain in the Tabernacle.

"For my mother and father have left me, but the Lord hath taken me up." (Ps. 26)

There Are Worse Things in Life than Death

2008-04-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

This is the theme of a recent pilgrimage. There was much suffering involved. Returned quite ill in body and suffering in soul, as well. But this is the life and dying to self of a victim soul. If one offers to suffer and die for the Church, to live in Christ and do His will, to offer to join Christ in reparative suffering--then suffering is to be expected.

Why does it take me by surprise? Ignorance and naivete. Not being aware, perhaps, and not being focused enough on the mission as victim soul.

A poor confession was made elsewhere. The sin could not be adequately described, but it had to do with no suffering well enough, not appreciating the suffering, not honoring the present moment in the deep suffering--nor being joyful in the location of the suffering.

It is difficult to write at this time. So much has transpired. But victim souls seem to be called to be available for the individual, hidden and forgotten souls of the world. The reality becomes simply being put in their paths, literally, so as to get to know the need of their souls, and then in ways inexplicable to describe, having occasions build and unfold in order to suffer greatly for these very real and living persons.

And, it would seem quite feasible, that suffering can also be offered and experienced for those not living. Must ponder this awhile, however.

The Catholic Hermit Can't Wait, but Must

2008-01-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

The regular confessor is due back, and the hermit has much contrition of heart. The confessional has been seeing much of the hermit lately. The nothing can't wait to go to confession, but must. Reading St. Silouan today has helped coagulate the regret even beyond this morning's repentance of being such an easy mark for the devil and being so weak.

Now the reality has settled: the hermit was impatient with others, shocked, angered, saddened, and also impatient with self. It has to do with more specifics of what was confessed today, with having not focused enough on God but being distracted and drawn out of the Sacred Heart. There was not possession of self.

Sometimes confessions go like that: first one with outer layers repented and absolved; then shortly after the inner layers may be seen and dealt with. One could use the onion image; but really, with confession, it is like a lovely rose, and removing petal after petal peacefully, gently, and letting them float to the ground of being, leaving the inner while the scent refreshes the soul.

The Catholic hermit has been foolish--again! Each day brings more pop quizzes in soul school. One can be ready to answer for one's own sins--but to answer for another? The hermit first must confess the impatience of self and the reaction in anger and then saddness. It is not pleasant to notice words and actions of self and others that are so disappointing. But reacting only made matters worse. For shame on this nothing. So in this next confession, we will pluck off more petals, revealing the core, and make amendment, do penance.

Despite the upset and frustration, really, of a disappointment in the very humanity this hermit is supposed to be embracing within the Sacred Heart, no matter what, this day has been rather blissful. Even the sad news of a prayer for someone hoping for something, brought the realization that the hermit must go to Adoration and thank God for the answered prayer for this young man--even if the answer was not what we all hoped for. Too often the hermit does not praise God for the answered prayers that go against its personal wants.

The writing has gone well, and the editing and reading and praying and mending and washing. An adult daughter helped with the disenabling process so the hermit could write in total ignorance of any possible readers. Now the hermit writes to God, for God--without distraction other than the ever-hindering self. It is like being able to ignore the next door neighbor again, for all has been peaceful since the detective took action. The neighbor has windows allowing sighting of the hermit, but the hermit cannot see the neighbor. Freedom--at least for the hermit!

What tremendous practice God provides to learn just what this morning's confessor said to do: pay no heed to others' views or opinions of the hermit's life and pay no heed to their lives. Of course, he did not mean to not love, to not pray, to not have compassion--but to not be distracted and not react. Sense God only.

St. Silouan writes relative to this new practice, and the hermit began exercises in placing many people within its heart and then nesting within the Sacred Heart. Also, the hermit practices admitting and answering for its own sins, but also to be willing to embrace as its own, the faults of others. This exercise helps not becoming impatient with others' failings or unexpected behaviors which can be disappointing. We disappoint ourselves, do we not? So, we are called to accept responsibility, in oneness, for our own and others' sins.

"We can all find ways of justifying ourselves on all occasions, but if we really examine our hearts we shall see that in justifying ourselves we are not guiless. Man justifies himself firstly because he does not want to acknowledge that he is even partially guilty o fthe evil in the world, and secondly because he does not realize that he is gifted with godlike freedom: he sees himself merely as part of the world's phenomena and, as such, dependent on the world. Tehre is a considerable element of bondage in this, and self-justification, therefore, is a slavish business unworthy of a son of God."

The Staretz had no sign of self-justification in him. Of course, he was an evolved soul, and he had grown in holiness over the years by grace and through cooperation with God's grace! He possessed the Spirit of Christ in that he could accept the blame for the faults of others; people of the world would consider that subjection. The Staretz could feel all humanity as a single whole to be incorporated in the personal existence of every man.

"According to the second commandment, Love thy neighbour as thyself, each of us must and can comprise all mankind i his own personal being, in the same way as each of the three Persons of the Godhead contains the fullness of Divine Being. Thus we shall accept all the evil in the world not as something extraneous but as evil in which we too have our part, and contend with evil, with cosmic evil, beginning in our own selves."

The hermit is practicing this. Knowing one's own sins is on-going petal-plucking; knowing other's sins is something God allows so that the hermit can learn to love and learn to suffer the consequences of its sins and others' sins; and from suffering, the hermit can love all the more.

"The love of Christ being a Divine force and a gift of the Holy Spirit, the One Spirit acting universally, makes all men ontologically one. Love takes to itself the life of the loved one. The man who loves God is drawn into the Godhead; he who loves his brother draws his brother's life into his own hypostatic being; the man who loves the whole world in spirit will embrace the whole world."

Why is it that God chooses to have some men separated from contact, one with the other, in the temporal realm? Perhaps this is true more for the hermit than others, for the hermit is to have a stricter separation from the world in the tangible effects; but the spiritual love--loving the whole world and all souls in it, in spirit--is the very work of the hermit.

A new phase is beginning! The Catholic hermit is going to write in a new blog. While not a full year from the friend's challenge that the hermit could not be a complete hermit due to externals--the hermit has learned that this is true--but more from truth that one can never be complete this side of the beatific vision! So now the hermit is going to write a blog from the suggestion of the regular confessor, who said, "Refer to yourself as 'the Catholic hermit.'" To commemorate the passageway, tomorrow "The Catholic Hermit" commences.

On Distinguishing Good from Evil

2008-01-18T07:30:00.000-08:00

This section of the Staretz' doctrinal teaching (in the book about St.Silouan) smooths the frigid day with warm comfort. Comfort allows peace to bring clarity of understanding and thought. A Catholic hermit must learn clarity in understanding and thought. This comes under, perhaps, the S of stillness.

Now to quote what Sophrony the Archimandrite shares of St. Silouan's teaching:

"The Staretz...held that the certain sign by which to recognize good from evil is not so much the end, which may appear to be holy and sublime, as the means selected to achieve the end.

"God alone is absolute. Evil, which has no original essence but is merely the resistance of the free creature to God, cannot be absolute. Therefore the evil does not and cannot exist of itself but must live like a parasite on the body of good. Evil must find a justification, must appear disguised as good, and often the highest good. Evil always and inevitably contains an element appearing to have a positive value, and it is this which seduces man. Evil strives to present its positive facet as a jewel so precious, or at all events so desirable, that all means are justified to attain it.

"Absolute good cannot be achieved in man's earthly existence: there is an element of imperfection in all human undertakings. This presence of imperfection in human good on the one hand, and the inevitable presence of some pretence of good in evil on the other, often make it extremely difficult to distinguish good from evil.

"The Staretz believed that evil always proceeds by means of deceit,camouflaging itself as good, whereas good in order to realize itself does not need the co-operation of evil. Therefore as soon as wrong means--malice, lying, violence and their like--make their appearance, one is entering a domain alien to the spirit of Christ. Good is not attained by evil means, and the end does not justify the means. Good not obtained by good means is not good. This is the testament we have received from the Apostles and holy Fathers. Although good frequently triumphs and by its appearance rectifies evil, this does not mean that evil has led to good, that good has come out of evil. That is impossible. But the power of God is such that where it appears, it heals all things so wholly that no scar remains--the damage caused by evil is effaced--for God is the fullness of life and creates life from nothing."

These aspects of distinguishing good from evil will take some consideration, over the course of this day, while editing the complaints of those who have been evily deceived and cheated in the consumer world, while putting more tangible objects in loving order in the hermitage, while writing the question about writing to be placed before the eyes of the Bishop (for the Lord sees through the eyes of my Bishop), while praying for good to occur in several prayer intentions others have requested, while reading the Gospel of St. John and more from the Staretz, aand while looking out onto the smooth-iced Lake Immaculata, along with Pope Benedict XVI, whose framed photo is enthroned by the window and smiles kindly at the Catholic hermit and says with his eyes: be good, be holy.

St. Antony Jogs the Catholic Hermit's Memory

2008-01-18T07:02:00.000-08:00

While hanging wet laundry, St. Antony placed a memory in the Catholic hermit's mind.

The child took the bamboo pole and container of worms to the channel to fish. David, the neighbor child, had already been out and placed several fishing poles, baited with nightcrawlers and beavertails, along the edges of two channels, positioning them over bass beds.

His mother comes out, bee-lines to the child wanting to fish, and wags her finger at the child, and speaks authoritatively, loudly--admonishes the child that David is to fish, and the child is not to fish, for David was there first and the other must go away. The child picked up the bamboo pole and bait, and silently headed back into the cottage, but teary eyed.

The child's mother asked why the child had returned. The child said what David's mother had said. The mother was not pleased at this.

When the father came home not long after, the mother told the father what the neighbor woman had done. The father, a tall, handsome, reserved man, set his jaw. He went over to the neighbor woman's cottage and asked her a question. Then he told her quite evenly that his child had every right to fish in the channel, and that there were three channels, and that they did not own these channels. They were for everyone to enjoy and fish from. Then he returned.

The child was instructed to take the pole, the bait and return to the channel to fish. By then the child had lost the desire to fish, and yet the mother insisted that the child go back out. So the child did. But if there were fish caught, by either of the children, is not recalled.

Why did St. Antony bring this particular memory from the realm of the numinous intellect? Well, there were connections, of course, to the intercessions asked of him. So the Catholic hermit prayed, asking the Father to go to the neighbors and explain that there are plenty of channels in which all may enjoy fishing.

But the Catholic hermit is not quite sure it still has the desire to fish. The confessor this morning says to fish, but not to notice anyone else who is fishing, and only to fish for God's glory. So the hermit agreed to go back out and fish awhile. If the channel seems icky with surface scum and weeds, or stinky from muck, then it will return inside to enjoy other endeavors, or go out in front to the lake to swim in the clear waters. This is a transition phase. The waters are being tested, the depths plumbed. If more clarity does not come in a few days, the hermit will ask the Bishop to give his wishes as to the format of the hermit's writing.

The Catholic hermit told the confessor that it liked best the story of The Littlest Angel. The little child in heaven was allowed to have his most treasured, earthly possession: a small box of child-delights which had been kept under his bed, at home, on earth. The littlest angel ended up giving his box of simple treasures to the Baby Jesus, as his only gift to offer, while the older angels looked on. The littlest angel was focused on Jesus, not noticing the other angels watching.

So it is, the hermit told the confessor, that the only gift it has ever had--the most treasured earthly gift God has given the hermit, from childhood on--is the gift of writing. The hermit lays it before the Infant Jesus; the confessor commends the hermit to keep writing but only for God without thought of or personalizing others' reactions. The Catholic hermit can only try this and wait and see.

Glory to God in the Highest, and on earth, peace and good will to all men.

The Catholic Hermit Begs St. Antony's Intercessions

2008-01-17T08:28:00.002-08:00

A friend who is perhaps more the hermit, forced somewhat into her home by the struggles with an illness, writes her opinion in an e-mail; we visit via e-mail.

"...the life  of St. Antony the
Abbot: He went and lived as a hermit for many many years
before he became an abbot.  I mean he was REALLY a
hermit--lived for years isolated, and fought the hardest of
temptations:  himself.  Please read his biography  (it
should be on the net. From his life, it is apparent that
the hermitic [sic] life came years before any public recognition.

I've read the biography and mailed it off a year or so ago to a lapsed Catholic friend who's birthday is today--his Feast Day! But this is a good reminder to ponder St. Antony's life. Today at Mass, besides praying for the friend who lives far from the Church now as well as geographically, the nothing begged St. Antony to intercede, to help this hermit in 2008 live the life God desires, that the vows have stated, that the rule of life spells out.

The confessor this morning said that the prayer is placed before God that He give the Catholic hermit an answer regarding the writing, which is coming down to a fork in the path on the mountain climb: public or private? Seems like hermits are constantly called to this choice!

St. Antony renounced the world and went into the desert. Is the internet a desert? One can argue either way, for it is a kind of space without boundaries other than legal boundaries, of course. This, too, is what hermits face in law and spirit of the law. Seems as if the internet can be private or public, depending upon identity.

One of the Catholic hermit's adult children is a computer consultant--actually is one of about 40 in the country with a particular specialization. (Is this an acceptable pride--to rejoice in the success of another? I pray so!) This adult child says there are ways, of course, that identity may be broken, even on the internet, on blogs. In fact, for the hermit, there has been an observation of seeming extreme following. Are the excessive log-ons interested in the writing out of healthy interest, or curiosity, or for ill intent? Or, is it what I have tongue-in-cheek to a couple of times: the hermit police?

The police benefit society, for they help bring justice, help defend, and also protect. The Catholic hermit appreciates, really, the bringing up of thoughts misstated, incorrect, or questions about this or that. Yes, questions are always good. The detective asked many questions. The Catholic hermit asks many questions, and mulls through matters, and prays for guidance, and gets it. We all get answered prayers.

Another adult child is adept in this type of work, and has helped the hermit in the past to gain a perspective and handle on doing undercover work for the Lord. This adult child has been in secret work for an arm of the government.

The other adult child is in a position of public view as journalist. This has been of benefit in other ways, as already pondered.

In all, a hermit can utilize the world in order to transfer the ways of the world, the good of careers and techniques--over to the spiritual life.

Is the internet too much world, or is it spiritual space? That is something the Catholic hermit ponders today while praying for many intentions given in the past couple of days, of needs of people out in the world. Also, the Staretz has written of that oneness, of learning to pray and be one with the world, with those living and dead and yet to come into being.

St. Antony and the Lord have heard the prayer request. An answer is forthcoming.

Conglomeration vegetable soup is simmering; the mission work of editing awaits the hermit's prayerful efforts--this, too, via internet. As in the neighborhood, people in the bloggerworld could take anything written and use it for ill, to twist as the neighbors twisted matters in order to discredit, or to support as others came to the support and counsel, or to clarify as the detective kindly yet professionaly interviewed, took notes, got facts.

It will be interesting to learn what God and St. Antony decide--and St. Antony based upon what God decides, of course! St. Antony is one with God in God's will and perceives clearly from his heavenly vantage.

The Canon Lawyer: in the name of the Church

2008-01-17T06:20:00.000-08:00

The Canon lawyer discussed Canon 603, of 1983 and explained it was a revision of the 1917 Canon regarding eremitic life. He said that laws are created due to abuses and also because of desire by some to have "official stamp" of approval. Perhaps there have been those, he pointed out, who said they were going to live a life of stricter separation from the world or in prayer and fasting, but did not. The law provides for the Bishop to step in and correct the abuses, if the hermit has been publicly avowed, and those vows received by the Bishop.

He said it is a legality, of publicly approving the hermit in the name of the Church, of it being of public record, regardless of how many were actually at the profession of vows. He said that may be just the hermit and the Bishop. But it is done in the name of the Church, with the Bishop saying he receives the vows on behalf of the Church.

As for vows being made publicly but not received by the Bishop, that could not be in the name of the Church. This is what must be made clear, for this was the stumbling point. In St. Colette's time, she made vows publicly, and she was generally known as the anchorite, and her life exemplified this. Now, a person would not be seen as a hermit in the name of the Church. The public aspect today is that of the law, of the Bishop receiving the vows in the name of the Church, on behalf of the Church.

The Catholic hermit wants to clarify this, for it had not been accurate--or at least not clear. A hermit could not make vows publicly--or at least it would not be in the name of the Church. There are religious sisters and brothers, even a young man in cassock, floating about, and we're told even some former priests--who are doing their own thing, and obviously not in the name of the Church. Some say they are approved, or in legitimate religious communities. Some are even in approved communities or are active priests but not living their vows, and the Bishops could and do step in to correct the abuses but sometimes do not, for various reasons, and often quite prudent reasons.

The Church's official stamp of approval and in the name of the Church seem key in this topic. They were used repeatedly to explain the situation.

Next he spoke of private vows. He said what has been written and repeated: that the privately avowed hermit is also consecrated, also approved, and in keeping with the Church's allowance of this form as well. This type of hermit is approved, but the vows have not been received in the name of the Church by the Ordinary of the Diocese. It is not under Canon Law 603.

The Canon lawyer explained much background of CL603, and the Catholic hermit just listened. When asked some question or two, the Canon lawyer was surprised that the hermit knew much at all, but the hermit felt it best to not go into too much of the research, for most of that has been focused on living the life, as am not that interested in the legalities. (That should have been another clue that this hermit wasn't all that desirous of public profession and consecration, for it does involve legalities, forms, papers and what not--and being known.)

We then began discussing possibilities. A privately avowed hermit could commit abuses and not be under the legal responsibility of the Bishop. The publicly avowed hermit could commit abuses, and thus would be done in the name of the Church, and the Bishop could or would step in and stop the abuses. With the privately avowed hermit who commits abuses, it would not be committed in the name of the Church, for the private hermit does not have that official stamp. Either way it would be a horrible thing, indeed, to abuse one's vocation and hurt the Church.

I'm not sure how that would be--either as a public or private hermit--to disobey the Bishop? The public or private hermit would not strive to follow his or her rule of life? Would intentionally lead others astray? The Canon lawyer said the Bishop or designe could tell the publicly consecrated hermit to not fast, for example, if there was a concern about the degree of fasting. The publicly consecrated hermit would be bound to obey. If the privately consecrated hermit was told by the Bishop or designe the same, it would not be legally binding--although spiritually so, for one is to obey one's Bishop!

It came down to, once again, in the name of the Church and Church law. He pointed out once more that there is something very real in the law of God between the soul and God and that relationship which is at root of what one should be concerned with. But, he said that some people desire the Church's official or legal stamp of approval, and thus they approach the Bishop to have their vows publicly professed and received.

The Catholic hermit asked directly, "Do I need this official stamp of approval?" He said, "No, not at all." He said that I am approved by the Church and accepted as a hermit, but privately so. It is not in the legal sense.

The Catholic hermit explained the annulment process after so many years, and that there were not enough living witnesses who knew both parties prior, during, and after. While the agent was going to pursue a different path to gain the necessary documentation of invalidity, the hermit had already decided that when the process was opened it was for a reason that no longer existed, other than purity for Jesus. But, Jesus didn't seem to mind the status. Then the hermit told the Canon lawyer what the confessor had said, to not bother with it; and that seemed a relief to the hermit. If the Bishop wanted the Catholic hermit to be canonically approved, there is provision in the Canon to dispense the marriage restriction. (Is that 643.1? Somewhere in there.) Besides, the hermit had worked through the thought of being spiritually bonded to the spouse and various others involved with the spouse over the years. More souls to pray for and love and bring before the Lord's mercy seat.

The Canon lawyer, too, felt that the private vows were and are the path for this hermit. The hermit responded with joy and gratitude, for in working through this, from thinking one way to being shown another, over months and months, being nothing known and not publicly approved in the name of the Church, of not having any public stamp of approval--seems just right and preferred. It's the baby bear's just-right bowl of porridge.

Surely it comes down to God's will for each individual hermit as to law or spirit. And surely there can be spirit in the law.

Someone once asked in a comment, by what authority do I have--? Well, I do not speak or write as a hermit by any official Church stamp of approval. It makes what I write all the more vulnerable, and requires more accountability to God, and more checking with the confessors and spiritual father and now Canon lawyer, and at times with the Bishop--to make sure I am living my consecrated life as one ought; but it is a consecration not public and not even "legal" by the Code (but valid by the Catechism of the Catholic Church which must make it all right by God.)

Well, this has helped the Catholic hermit immensely to come to a peace about it all. I pray others have not been too upset by the lack of clarification, in the non-technical explanation, for even in the career of the world, the nothing was told it was a poet at heart. In personality alone, the nothing realizes that the public consecration would not have been a good thing for this one. It has always shunned such matters, and after entertaining big ideas of other options, has always chosen what for it is the path of greater suffering. For this Catholic hermit, that path is to remain very privately consecrated--not above Church law by any means, or outside the law, but far beneath it.

Now, the Catholic hermit is beginning to ponder--by what authority does it write or speak? That is a good quesiton. While the ego would love it if it was by God's authority, or as St. Silouan came in his great holiness to speak from the power of the Holy Spirit, the Catholic nothing hermit speaks and writes probably most often from inept struggling and at other times hopefully from some slight glimmers of the Holy Spirit.

The Catholic Hermit Speaks with the Bishop

2008-01-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

There is such joy and freedom in the blog genre! The Catholic hermit became weary with pondering externals. The anonymity and nothingness of blog-writing verges on the existential supernatural. The Staretz comments upon love, prayer, living, evil and freedom. He wafted with God. He gained knowledge not through the natural externals but through pure prayer. The Holy Spirit bequeathed love so that St. Silouan learned to embrace all in God.

There has been much laughter recently. Blogging brings laughter even though no one hears. The sharing of inner thoughts, unseen, unidentified by any externals, is freeing. The freedom is created by the humility of the soul's being stripped to the perusal of others. Or if not voyeurs, there possibly could be. The blog creates a neighborhood much like the subdivision: all types, various intents, assumptions, judgments, support, insanity, truths, untruths, peeping Toms, unknowns.

An angel accompanied a soul into a large room where a table was set--arrayed with elegance in cuisine, china, linens, goblets. The soul was shown this table, and then told amazing and wondrous--even glorious--words of what awaited that soul. It became too much to bear, and the soul exclaimed this to the angel: This is too much, too good, too glorious to even hear! Then the angel showed the soul more: a white pottery plate, very simple, was placed on the white linen cloth, at the foot of the table. What was on it? A partially nibbled, steamed ear of corn. The angel said, "And this is your place."

There has been much laughter, yes, over the blog writing. It is a gift of humility, for others can read and misread, not read, assume, criticize, agree, disagree. There is no limit to the freedom. It is being exposed without need to cover: vulnerability to the nothingness so humbling. There is a kind of delight in being unwittingly analyzed, or better yet, totally ignored. It is the dead writing to the living dead.

The Catholic hermit, prior to Mass, received humorous little nudges from God. Signal graces. Life is good, the world is beautiful, people are loving! Then the mind was re-minded of how critical it had seemed just six months ago, to have a place in the Church: a category. Was that really the this same nothing who so wanted a place, a designation, a category? How dreadfully opposed to the white pottery plate with the partially eaten ear of corn--could a soul so foolishly tread?

Thoughts then came to rest on Canon 603 for a final glance, notwithstanding the Canon lawyer's final word. What was it that made people, possibly hermits themselves, in the early 1980's, entreat a Church law to designate and recognize a category? That was an interesting decade following upon two previous interesting decades. Laws are made to stop abuses or to introduce something that people want. This is rather simplistic, but the thoughts ran in simple rivulets. In a century of ten decades hence, what will be the result of the introduction of this law? Will it have created better hermits? Will there be more laws made necessary to hinder abuses or to define more options? These thoughts glittered briefly, then sprinkled to the terrazo floor of the Cathedral chapel and went the way of incidentals.

Thoughts turned to St. Antony the Abbot and his peer and lesser known predecessor, St. Paul the Hermit--then to various civil laws yet in unfolding outcomes. The mind drifted like dust particles in snap-shot by angled sunlight transecting the chapel windows. No laws; yes, laws: What's the verdict? To some, it matters greatly. To others, not much if at all.

The Bishop celebrated the noon Mass. He spoke of vocations and freedom within to hear God speaking, to listen if called to a vocation to the priesthood or religious life. We are, in prayer, to listen to God's will. There was no mention of a call to the hermit life as a vocation, although the law creates a legality for hermits who wish, to have entitlement to the title of a religious. Perhaps this is what some had desired: to have a niche as do the nuns and monks and priests, and now, too, consecrated virgins. Laws can further define a category and set precedence for process.

But the Catholic nothing hermit viewed with joy the image of the white porcelain plate at the foot of the table--and the by now cold, half-eaten ear of corn. Laughing without a hint of external expression, the Catholic nothing hermit knew there would be no place now--for none was desired. This is freedom! Humility is freeing. To be accused of certain presumptions whether confronted or assumed is all the more humbling; and to not explain or justify oneself is even yet more humbling, thus freeing!

After Mass, the nothing kissed the Bishop's ring. He had first leaned forward to embrace the nothing, as he does with old friends, but the nothing noticed some others who would notice, and there was no need to be noticed receiving the grace of his Grace's especial loving kindness. (The Immaculate Conception kiss on the cheek by the Church yet foments [in archaic sense] the loving essence of bestowal: a place. It is a hidden gift from God.)

The nothing and the Bishop conversed; and the nothing could have asked about hermit canon laws and such, but legalities pale to supernaturalities, and there was a more exigent matter to share regarding a young, titled man who broke Church law; (sadly) so goes the saying: laws are made to be broken. Still praying with hope beyond hope for the souls involved.

St. Silouan shares thoughts. (The Catholic nothing hermit exalts in these kernels!)

With our minds, we cannot come to know even how the sun was made; and if we beg God to tell us how He made the sun, the answer rings clear in our soul: 'Humble thyself and thou shalt know not only the sun but the Creator of the sun.'

"These almost naive words refer to two different forms of knowledge of being. The usual way to acquire knowledge, the one we all know, consists in the dircting of the intellectual faculty outwards where it meets with phenonmena, sights, forms, in innumerable variety--a differentiation ad infinitum of all that exists.This means that the knowledge thus acquired is never complete and has no real unity....

"The other way to acquire knowledge of being is to turn the spirit in and towards itself and then to God. Here the process is the exact reverse. The mind turns away from the endless plurality and fragmentariness of the world's phenomena, and with all its strength addresses itself to God in prayer and through prayer is directly incorporated in the very Act of Divine Being, and begins to see both itself and the whole world."

I want only one thing: to pray for all men as for myself, wrote the Staretz.

And the Catholic nothing hermit desires this one thing, also.

The Staretz on Obedience

2008-01-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

The Staretz attributed the utmost importance to the question of obedience, not only for monks and Christians individually but in the life of the whole body of the Church....He would accept his confessor's first words, his first intimation, and carry the conversation no further. This is the wisdom and mystery of true obedience, the purpose of which is to know and fulfill God's will, and not man's....

In the vast sea which is the life of the Church the true tradition of the Spirit flows like a thin pure stream, and he who would be in this stream must renounce argument. When anything of self is introduced the waters no longer run clear, for God's supreme wisdom and truth are the opposite of human wisdom and truth. Such renunciation appears intolerable, insane even, to the self-willed, but the man who is not afraid to 'become a fool' has found true life and true wisdom.

Sofrony the Archmandrite. The Undistorted Image. 1958. London: The Faith Press, pp. 57-58.

Noon Mass came between some writing, and this was very good. It is amazing how one reads what is helpful in the cell, to the world that comes in from outside the cell, and to reflect and pray, to read and write, to learn and grow.

More comments have come, and remain unpublished, for this is not a place of argument. This blog is an extension of spiritual reflections but also the application to life experiences, dove-tailed in obedience to the Catholic hermit's confessor. He is gone for a few days. The Canon lawyer is now consulted, since the writings must be clarified if details are incorrect. He is going to study the questions brought up in the reader's comments, and to pray for the will of God in what seems to be blog-combing in order to find a tangle to tug. His initial response is that there is the law, of course, and then there is the spirit or essence of the law. But again, he stated, as did the regular confessor, that it seems rather a drawing off from the purity of how one lives the hermit life, and the point is to live it, whether public or privately professed. So we will get an answer on a couple of specific stumbling blocks to readers, and then move on. "Moot point" comes to mind.

This canon lawyer said, also, I must write for now, as it is good to share the reflections as one who is trying, and to record the path of this form of eremitic life which is not of CL603 and not public. He said if even one person is encouraged who does not want to be consecrated publicly, or publicly via CL603, then the writing has done a good. So, this keeps being said, in different ways, by different priests. Must I go to the Bishop and bother him about such matters? It is not necessary.

The canon lawyer priest repeated that the Gospels say "Jesus went about doing good." That is what the eremitic must do, whether public or private. There are many street corners in London town, and many blog sites for hermits to express their God-willed paths of the eremitic life.

In the Catholic hermit's past, writing briefs was part of the life-in-the-world scene, and of debating the de jure and de facto aspects of cases. But this was not the hermit's soul or spirit; the hermit was not called by God to remain in that spot but rather, once God's will has been made clear from many directions, the Catholic hermit must do spiritual mountain climbing as a privately consecrated and professed (and yes, approved) eremitic, and log the trip along the way.

Please, dear readers, don't read these blogs as they are no doubt a waste of time-- especially when the blogs get bogged in trying to charitably unclog what is of little issue to the spirit of the hermit life. The Catholic hermit apologizes for any who take offense in the writing; simply don't read it. Return to the roots of eremiticism!

The Catholic hermit apologizes for not desiring to debate or write other than what am directed to do: and that is to chronicle this journey, from this validated and credible, but privately so, eremitic vocation. Others are encouraged and free to journal their own vocation. And may we pray for each other as we climb?

St. Silouan on the Unity of the Spiritual World

2008-01-15T07:40:00.000-08:00

Before quoting the Staretz on the titled topic, there have been unresolved blog-keeping chores to clear from the list. There have been comments from two readers which I did not publish. Two of the comments from the first anonymous commenter had become testy and put the commenter in a negative light, for anger was shown, and also the confusion which accompanies. So, it seemed best to not publish these, for this site is a sharing of an unknown's progressive thoughts and of acknowledged beginner's attempts to plumb the spiritual ocean--not to be a trysting ground.

The other comment not published was well-written and rather an ecocanonical exposition or debate, and request for a kind of retraction of a term used. It seemed best, after conferring with the confessor, to not publish since the commenter has a site already to express his/her views on the topic. I was told to express this other view, this other perspective, and told to not use the term which caused the other person to be stirred. So I did, and was told that the view I represent or attempt to live out is valid, and the other person's view is valid for that category. Those who guide me desire a certain way, and those who guide the other desire the other way. Thus, there was no sense in drawing off of what are two credible but differing subsets of living the "one" hermit life. Debate can sometimes distract or dilute the spiritual essence.

The more I read of hermit lives, I do respect the reasons and desires for those who God wills to have public approval by their Bishops in a Mass, to have their vows professed publicly before their Bishops and be known as hermits in their Dioceses. God has use for public and private hermits, it appears, through the history of hermits. I also respect the reasons and desires for those who God wills to have very private consecrations, even if their Bishops have received their vows privately or held by designes in the Diocese. God and each hermit, and each hermit's Bishop and spiritual guides, ascertain the chosen path, through God's will.

I pray that my blogs are not read with the intent or result in causing division but rather of, as my confessor desired, giving a view of another valid form of hermit life. My Diocese takes more the private route, and this is not that they do not go along with Church law which provides for a public profession. Their view of hermit life is that of the more private path. I am in this Diocese, and I have no need to move to find one that is otherwise; both forms are valid and credible. We hermits need to be one with another, and to love and pray we grow in holiness, and to inspire one another in the spiritual, ineffable realities which fulfill and can transcend laws. The holy and necessary laws of the Church provide tandem paths for hermits.

Now, for the beautiful sharing of St. Silouan's thoughts on the unity of the spiritual world and the greatness of the saints.

The life of the spiritual world the Staretz recognized as one life, and because of this unity every spiritual phenonmenon inevitably reacts on the state of the whole spiritual world: if the phenonmenon be good 'all heaven' rejoices; if evil, 'all heaven' sorrows. Though every spiritual phenomenon inevitably leaves its mark on the whole spiritual world, that intangible communion in the existence of all things of which the Staretz wrote is chiefly peculiar to the Saints. Such awareness as this, which exceeds the bounds of human knowledge, he ascribed to the action of the Holy Spirit in whom the soul 'sees' and embraces the whole world in her love. The Saints partially receive this gift through the Holy Spirit while they are still on earth, but it increases when they pass away.

So What's So Terrible About Being a Leper?

2008-01-14T06:33:00.000-08:00

This is the question put to a friend who called the other night. He said he felt like a leper in certain circumstances. He had returned to a former area in which he had public recognition in an ecclesial way, and he liked it that people called him by his title--since he is now in a different area, rather in a kind of exile.

But leprosy is a disease not caused by wrong-doing, wrong choices, sin. There is a difference in that aspect; yet it is how people do perceive the type of afflictions that others have, which makes his issue painful for him, obviously.

I reminded him that Jesus loves the lepers; He heals them.

We also brought up that he liked being in an area where people knew him from his past and called him by his "title." We discussed how this can be, even in the Church--and why it is so hard to simply be lepers, to be rather undesirable to a certain mode or strata. Is it a need for approval? A subconscious desire for recognition?

I mentioned my brief web search and the results. Shared the one man from Canada who tossed his career for now and was going out into the relative wilderness to live, to get close to God, to be a hermit. This man not once mentioned trying to gain a title or be approved or public. We do not know the outcome; he is now hidden from the eyes of men and silently preaching Christ by his life. We may never know anything more of this private Catholic hermit; or he may emerge later on, and write a book, or become public, or become a priest, or not. For now, he seems to have desired nothing and has chosen to be nothing, at least not to the world.

So, I asked again, "What's so bad about being a leper?"--considering that all through Scripture and in the lives of saints, we find souls who struggle with afflictions and sin, and are loved and healed. We read the first shall be last, and to be meek, and to not seek after acclaim but to pound our chests and cry out: Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am a sinner!

He said he'd think about it. He liked the idea that we have choices, and the choice involves being of one world or the other or strattling both. It is true that some are called to the world of the Church, but he is not in the way he still seems to desire, to have the title and the notice, to be approved. He admits he goes back and forth with this, which is human. I did that for years. It might hit again, the thought that I need some kind of approval, but I kinda doubt it. The sheer repugnance of even having my name and defamed character cleared in the newspaper sent me into shock, and now the letter is going to be pulled. As long as others do not act in a criminal manner based upon their ill thoughts of me, I don't mind what they choose to think.

St. Bruno did not hang around for public recognition or approval. When the Benedictine monastery wasn't hidden enough, and not quite the charism he sensed for himself within and from God, he and his six companions traipsed further into the Alps. He melted into the snow.

Well, It's Something About Nothing

2008-01-11T12:32:00.001-08:00

The adult son called. The paper is going to print his letter. He apologized but said he had to use the nothing's name. He gave some credibility with the credentials, and a bit of background. He crunched the issue, pounded it out, hard-hitting and no-mincing. He took the paper to task for not investigating the truth, took the neighborhood to task for believing it and not ever simply coming to the door to ask, and laid out the situation next door as between individuals over what was unjustified to begin with.

He suggested that people come to get to know his nothing parent! Well, I laughed about this with the cousin, for the cousin said maybe I'd have a stream of people to the door now. Dear God in Heaven, the nothing hopes not--but only as God may will and desire. Nothing must always be open to anything God wills.

Being a coward, the nothing hopes and prays that this will not escalate matters, since the detective has had his talk with the folks next door.

So, we wait. An adult daughter, her husband and baby are coming from a distance on the morrow. They are a bit concerned, to say the least. But, we must trust and be assured that God is handling this well, and that only good will come for everyone.

Indefinitely Nothing

2008-01-11T09:29:00.001-08:00

If there were to be a new and different blog, to follow along with the desired embrace of the fact of being nothing, it could be called Indefinitely Nothing. Totally Nothing was considered, but it is too constricting, for nothing is total, just as the title The Complete Hermit is a bit tongue-in-cheek, for no hermit is complete.

Nothingness and learning of nothingness extends indefinitely. But, there probably will not be a switch in blogs, for after another year, or sooner, there may be some other realization in spiritual growth, and stability includes just staying put. This can be in abode and in blogs.

A sense of terror gripped, last night, for a moment or so. It stemmed from the escalating neighbor situation. Then, into the mind flashed memories of childhood, of a protected, calm childhood. The mother displayed a temper at times, but even in the temper, she meant well; most of her temper did have a point: she loved, and we were reared to be responsible and good. The father was very much the gentle man. The memory included his having the mother take the children to a lake home prior to the movers coming, when the family had sold their old home, and in a few months moving into one being built. He did not want the teen-age children, at that time, to be upset in any way, or to have tears over leaving the old house!

After these flashes of the protected and calm childhood, a deep and sorrowful unveiling of the thousands of children terrorized within their own families--afraid of parents, siblings, relatives--of children terrorized in unsafe neighborhoods, in unsafe schools, in unsafe situations! Tears started to come. O Lord, how is it that I had such a lovely childhood and am now grown old and have but a few instances of terror in my life, and these children are in fear day in and night out?

The Holy Spirit is instructing in these thoughts and experiences, these realizations. Perhaps St. Silouan is coming through in answer to prayers that he help this nothing soul here, who desires to be emptied, humbled, nothing--in order to love purely, to pray purely, to sorrow without visible tears or any notice by others--the sorrows of the world as Jesus sorrows.

There was a kind of nightmare, but it was only that. In the dream, the nothing noticed the neighbor woman sneaking across the yard in back, and was then seen to be grilling something, and the husband and son were there, too, by this large grill that appeared in the nothing's yard! They did not see me watching, but opened the grill hood, and on it was roasting a skinned cat, and then a meatloaf-type mound of ground cat innards. Was this not a nightmare?

Upon waking, the nothing thought of the newspaper editor who would not print a retraction but agreed to the nothings's something adult, journalist son's entreaties, and will print the son's letter. Then the reality of how good is God to have had the paper print this irresponsible piece of jouranlistic sensationalism which was little more than character defamation. It was that little false story that was bringing the issues with the neighbor to a head, and hopefully a conclusion, and possibly some help for the neighbor who would otherwise probably go on to harm someone else.

So God does bring such good in all situations. Glory be to God! The nothing is praying thanksgivings for the newspaper editor, despite what otherwise would seem a very negative to print. Hopefully, the adult son's letter will calm the neighborhood and set straight the truth for others who believed and are acting on falsehood. This, too, is good, to give responsibility to the son, as the rest of the family look to him now, since he has a visible position with the media in a large city, and will know how to write the retraction with sensitivity and legal prudence.

The detective called this morning to ask if there was anything left while the nothing had been to Mass. No, thanks be to the Lord. And nothing in today's mail, either. He asked for the full details, the background, and it took awhile to go through it, and it was upsetting to have to repeat such incomprehensible evil. But, it is necessary in order to bring this episode to a hoped-for conclusion. He advised the nothing to stay as far away from these people as possible, forever. Here is another good: the nothing will continue to be as if in another world, for already when gardening or going to the mailbox, even if the neighbor was out and saying things loudly in detraction about the nothing to neighbors, the nothing never flinched or turned or looked but kept on weeding or planting or taking the trash out to the curb. It is excellent training in focus, in self-abnegation, in nothingness.

He said he will be making a call to the neighbors, and having a little talk with them, after he and the deputy go through the nasty packet left by the front door yesterday. He said the postal inspector will be handling the letters sent by US mail, and hopefully putting a stop to that with whoever sent them. He said he hoped this would cause anything further from happening.

The nothing, in telling of the details of the various outbursts of the neighbor and anything that may have triggered them, hopefully glorified God. The Bishop had exhorted his flock to manifest Jesus to the world. So when the detective asked why the nothing had kept the little red bag on the porch and only gave it to the deputy yesterday, the response as honestly that it was used as a reminder to pray more for the neighbors, since the lights on all night glaring into the yard was no longer the reminder; the nothing was able to ignore them after three months. The nothing was able to honestly say that when the woman was having a horrendous outburst one day, and the nothing had just read a saint book that said if attacked to make the sign of the cross in the air--that in doing this, the woman charged across and unleashed all the more, and the nothing feared physical assault as well as verbal. So, the nothing was able to say that it had told the priest about it, and that the nothing had resolved to henceforth only make the sign of the cross in its mind. In these small ways, perhaps God was shown to the detective. The nothing repeated that it wished no ill of the neighbors, but wanted to simply live here in its little quiet place, in prayer, spiritual reading, writing and gardening, going out to Mass, and otherwise quiet.

The greatest good today is pondering how to be in the Sacred Heart, and within to love and sorrow for all souls in the world--past, present and future. There is much rejoicing in this reality, and during Mass the thoughts melted into the Sacred Heart so much so that the priest had to jolt from the reveries at Communion time. It is all very humbling.

Ironically, St. Silouan had just last night been read, these words:

"When the soul prays for the world, she knows better without newspapers how the whole earth is afflicted and what people's needs are. She can pity men without the help of papers.

"Newspapers don't write about people but about events, and then not the truth. They confuse the mind and, whatever you do , you wont' get at the truth by reading them; whereas prayer cleanses themind and gives it a better vision of all things."

It was then written that one said to the Staretz that he still didn't understand, for he thought he could better pray with knowing the details from newspapers. But St. Silouan did not answer. He spoke no more but bowed his head in silence, how one can in spirit know the life of the world and the needs and tribulations of men when, remote from all things, she prays for the universe.

Perhaps this is the grace of last night, of the memories of such a peaceful and protected childhood, and then the immense sorrowing of children who do not have this but who live in terror. This was mentioned after Mass this morning, but the priest (not the regular confessor) began speaking of what the newspapers have said about children thrown off bridges and killed by their mothers--but the nothing reminded him that the nothing does not take newspapers or watch TV. It is as well. God does have His way of teaching us to pray as He wills, with the details He desires us to know, if any.

St. Silouan's Mention of St. John of Kronstadt

2008-01-10T17:38:00.000-08:00

Since Fr. Silouan made reference to Father John of Kronstadt (d. 1908), regarding how the latter was more with God than many solitaries even while being surrounded by people. This quote helps comprehend how to love others and to comprehend that the evil is not them but rather an aspect unfortunate.

"Do not confuse man--this image of God--with the evil which is in him, because evil is only his accidental misfortune, a sickness, a devil's dream; but man's essence - the image of God - is always there."

"As far as is it possible, be gentle, humble and simple to all, considering yourself, without hypocrisy, to be spiritually below everyone. Pride is the reason for a cold, pompous and insincere manner towards those whom are considered to be below us, or those from whom we hope to derive some benefit. When people speak ill of you and you feel resentment, it means that you are proud, and pride must be eliminated from your heart by worldly dishonour. Therefore, do not resent and hate those who speak ill of you, but try to love them as you would love people who benefit you, and pray for them. Maintain a peaceful and loving disposition towards your brother even if he deprives you of your last shilling; show him that, above all, you love God's image in him. However most people are angry when they are deprived even of a very small part of their property!"

St. Silouan's Comment on Inner Silence

2008-01-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

From the book, The Undistorted Image, the nothing so benefits from St. Silouan's thoughts on inner silence and prayer.

"I [Archimandrite Sofrony] once asked the Staretz, 'Doesn't being steward and having to live among so many people make inner silence difficult?'

'What does inner silence mean?' he replied. 'It means ceaseless prayer, with the mind dwelling in God. Father John of Kronstadt was always surrounded by people, yet he was more with God than many solitaries.

'I became steward in an act of obedience blessed by the Abbot, so I pray better at my task than I prayed at Old Rossikon where I asked to go for the sake of inner silence. If the soul loves and pities the people, prayer is not interrupted.'"

The Nothing Catholic Nothing Hermit Nothing

2008-01-10T10:17:00.001-08:00

With the lovely realization that I have totally assimilated--and appreciate and value the hermit life that God has chosen for me, and with the re-reading and writing of what the Catechism of the Catholic Church writes of the eremitic life, the Catholic hermit thinks, "Why wait?" Why wait until the first of February to stop the repetitious word which no longer seems alien or strange.

Within the writing, if the hermit needs to refer to self, which should indeed be diminished in time, the term "nothing" will be used instead. The nothing desires to assimilate, appreciate, and embrace being nothing.

It's the next phase.

Events in life are helping in this matter. This morning after Mass, the nothing returned to Agnus Dei to find a parcel on the porch. All that could be seen was that it was similar to the very first parcel, and that it had a letter with "to the animal abuser...", and something else inside. The nothing realized it could not even open the door and touch it. The nothing had had enough. It is well to know one's limits, even if nothing.

A different sheriff's deputy came. In the meantime, the Postal Inspector was on the phone and got enough of the saga, and said to make sure to give the one remaining hate letter mailed through the USPS, and ask the deputy to give it to the detective. The Postal Inspector is going to be in touch with the detective, and then they can figure out what to do, if anything, for the nothing.

The nothing also sent the young deputy off with the little red bag with coal inside; the nothing decided it wanted nothing more to do with it. The nothing was not going to forget to pray for the neighbors. Not a chance of forgetting.

Another aspect that helped the nothing to come to reinforcing nothingness, is taking an odd and rare visit to the internet at large, and looked up the "h" word. The bulk of those hermits mentioned or written about or visible, are public hermits. The Catholic hermit's writings were there, but this seemed to be one of the few private hermits writing. Now, that gives pause and ponderment. Again, the nothing ponders public writing, even if anonymous and nothing.

The various articles written about various public hermits, from Boston to New York to San Diego to New Mexico to Pennsylvania and who-knows-where-else, comment upon their having public vows or canonically approved or recognized by the Catholic Church through Canon Law 603. So, the nothing realized that all the private hermits out there are obviously of the kind to not want to be seen or heard, not recognized or publicly approved.

Then came the pondering of mission. Is it the nothing's mission to write about life as a private Catholic hermit cum nothing? Not so sure. Will discuss this with the da and the confessor.

There is no title, no recognition, no public approval for the Catholic hermit nothing. Dear God in Heaven, the nothing cannot even bear to have its name in print in a retraction of a public, printed defamation of character. As a former columnist, the nothing only used a pen name. Shudder a photo to be taken!

The nothing assumes this is part of the charism of a privately consecrated and professed Catholic hermit. Otherwise there would be a reason to be public. The nothing recalls a person met on a retreat, and this person broke silence to inquire about the nothing, for evidently something about the nothing was of curiosty. The person first off announced that he/she was a hermit, and was approved as a hermit in that Diocese. Well? This was during a time when the nothing was definitely not appreciating nor valuing the hermit life that God had chosen, etc.

The nothing again asks itself what is the value of any public anything? Does it become a means of recognition and status, or a point of introduction in person or on the internet, in newspaper and magazine articles? Does it make the vocation more valid to have the private or public "credentials" stated? Does it become like some academics the nothing has known, who desire the degree designations always to follow their signatures?

What can the nothing offer to anything? Nothing, really. The nothing would never want to have to list out credentials or degrees. Someone once asked by what authority the nothing writes. The nothing is not interested in defending by possessed degrees of the secular and Church worlds. Is not a hermit to possess nothing but the love of God?

Is there a good to be had by promoting the hermit life in the press or internet? Or, is it the case that the Catholic hermit life grows and continues century after century by its very nature and God's creating and desiring this nature, this vocation? Could it be simply another trick for trouble, and that another name for pride?

The nothing may consider an anonymous e-mail in case the one or two who like to read about what the nothing is reading and pondering, might want to read some of the thoughts and quoted materials. Not sure. Nothing, for now; no decisions. More considerations in prayer.

St. Silouan floated above such matters as designation, public, private, something, anything. He knew he was nothing, and that was something. And he knew that God was All, and that was everything.

The nothing likes this:

Father Silouan's attitude towards those who differed from him was characterized by a sincere desire to see what was good in them, and not to offend them in anything they held sacred. He always remained himself, convinced that 'salvation lies in Christ-like humility,' and in the strength of this humility he strove with his whole soul to understand every man at his best. He found the way to the heart of everyone--to his capacity for loving Christ.

The nothing so likes this, that the nothing prays and hopes that those who are willed by God to public lives, do not take offense at nothing. The nothing is so thankful for the ones who have to be somethings, such as deputies and postal inspectors and journalists and financial advisors/investors and Bishops and priests and politicians who make it possible for nothings to remain nothings in peace and joy and untold bliss.

What is it the nothing desires besides nothing? Nothing but union with God. Who does the nothing admire to imitate besides Jesus? The saints, such as St. Seraphim of Sarov and St. Silouan and Sr. Josefa Menendez and A Carthusian and more A Carthusian's and any holy nothings such as the nameless, elderly man, dressed in suit and tie, who comes to early morning Mass, day in and day out, and leaves with a Host in pyx for his invalid wife.

Catholic Hermits: Public or Private?

2008-01-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

Perhaps on the year anniversary of the angel Beth, my guardian dear, telling me that I had not appreciated or honored the hermit life that God had chosen for me and valued very much, the hermit will not write the word "hermit" in reference to the hermit. Now, of course, I am told by my confessor to use the term "Catholic hermit." So, one obeys.

But in the writing, the use of the "h" word has helped the Catholic hermit to bond with the vocation, to accept it, to not cringe with the sound of the word, as that had been the hermit's immediate reaction when the guardian angel delivered that message. In this past year, the hermit has settled in, values and appreciates this life that God has chosen for me.

There remains an unfinished point of obedience, and that is the confessor telling me to "quote the Catechism " in my writing so that others who might read will understand what he had to clarify once again, for this Catholic hermit: the two forms of consecrated eremitic life in the Catholic Church. It is felt that people interested or praying about this particular vocation, could then pray for God's desire as to which He wills for the individual.

In this Catholic hermit's situation, God made it very clear over the course of a few months, what He willed, and by the decision of the Bishop and also through the hermit's prayer life and greater understanding of which aspect God can better utilize in this soul's given circumstances and environment, as well as--well--just that God knows each soul and knows what He knows is best.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states regarding the eremitic life:

920. "Without always professing the three evangelical counsels publicly, hermits 'devote their life to the praise of God and salvation of the world through a stricter separation from the world, the silence of solitude, and assiduous prayer and penance.'"

921. "They manifest to everyone the interior aspect of the mystery of the Church, that is, personal intimacy with Christ. Hidden from the eyes of men, the life of the hermit is a silent preaching of the Lord, to whom he has surrendered his life simply because [H]e is everything to him. Here is a particular call to find in the desert, in the thick of spiritual battle, the glory of the Crucified One."

This is simple enough to comprehend. The three evangelical counsels are chastity in celibacy, obedience, and poverty. These professions may be made publicly but not always: they can be private professions.

If public, there is the option to go the way of Canon 603 which more formalizes the profession. This option can be read more in depth in a guide that was compiled by a religious sister about ten years ago and which is being revised. In that guide are collected writings and suggestions for the hermit life, including some revised statutes for the eremitic life by the Bishops' of France, the citation of CL603, and other sundry aides such as possible rites and sample rules of life. This guidebook has been used as that--a guide--in some Dioceses.

Or, if public profession is God's will and the hermit's accepted format for profession of promises or vows, Canon 603 does not need to be utilized or incorporated. If not, the hermit is publicly avowed and consecrated, but not bound by that Canon. Regardless of Canon 603 or not, a public profession is that: public. People know.

If private profession is God's will and the hermit's accepted format for profession, the process is not known to others in general and sometimes not in specific. A priest or Bishop may receive the profession (vows and promises). Perhaps it is between the cleric and the hermit, or perhaps a witness or a few are present. A ceremony may be selected from the above mentioned guidebook of compilations, or the hermit may research and develop a ceremony for this private profession. A token may be used, a type of habit may be selected, a form may be signed and dated. But these would all fall in the realm of that which would be hidden from the eyes of others. It is private.

Since private profession is the path God has chosen for this Catholic hermit, I will share a bit of the "externals", per se. The ceremony included an adaptation of a Medieval anchoritic rite. This was researched by the hermit, and shortened some due to the original lasting for three hours! The hermit's spiritual director (priest) spoke much of the rite, and the hermit read some of the Psalms and gave the responses necessary. The priest then gave a short homily or inspirational challenge message. He incensed the hermit, placed the crucifix about her neck after blessing it, and had that afternoon blessed the hermitage where the hermit lived at that time. The hermit knelt when professing the vows. The priest made formal, verbal reception of the same. One person was present with his baby, but this was not intended. The person just showed up part-way through the ceremony. (The hermit preferred this visitor not be in attendance, but isn't it often that we have our own plans and God surprises us?) The ceremony lasted perhaps 45 minutes. The priest gave the privately consecrated, professed Catholic hermit a large votive candle which was lit as part of the ceremony and avowals. This ceremony occurred in the candlelight of an old monastery chapel, on the night of the death anniversary of the hermit's Confirmation patron: Sr. Josefa Menendez.

The vows (or if the receiving priest wishes to call them promises) are repeated by the hermit each year before the Church altar and Tabernacle, kneeling with the priest standing in front, receiving and then confirming a blessing. There is no pre-planned event, but a simple, private, hidden-to-the-eyes-of-men profession.

There are good aspects to public or private profession and consecration of hermits. If in future the topic comes up as one to write, this Catholic hermit will write of the benefits and good of private profession, since this is this hermit's experience.

Being a publicly or privately professed Catholic hermit does not change the criteria as set forth in the Catechism. In fact, this Catholic hermit notices in this re-reading, that the life of the hermit is a silent preaching of the Lord.... Well, I guess the computer is silent other than the clicking of the keypads.

In the history of hermits in the Church, one can note that most we read about now did not make public profession. Even those in monasteries often professed privately to their abbot or abbess. But those who were and are publicly professed, live by the same criteria as privately professed Catholic hermits, as far as the three evangelical counsels, the stricter separation of the world, the prayer and penance, the life hidden from the eyes of men, in silent preaching the Lord, etc.

This has been helpful to write out in a kind of umbrella format, for this Catholic hermit, for although having the reference materials for several years now, and having made private profession over seven years ago, there was yet some confusion in the past year as to validity and credibility and viability of private or public profession. If one is willed to be a privately professed hermit, then Canon 603 would not utilized.

The spiritual aspects remain the same in either form of consecration, public or private. God provides the graces according to His will and in His timing and way. A privately professed, consecrated Catholic hermit does not receive more graces than the publicly professed, consecrated Catholic hermit based upon the profession being hidden or known. The graces are bestowed by God's omniscience and the poor hermit's needs!

Serenity

2008-01-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

Of course, there is more to write about serenity, of substance. It just seems as if the Catholic hermit is checking in, writing from within the Sacred Heart in such blissful serenity. Yes, Agnus Dei is having a serene day-off from the world.

No hate mail came; only a call from my cousin in which I explained St. Silouan's experience of coming to such deep humility and repentance that he then comprehended Christ-like love which then included acceptance of great sorrow in suffering with the bonds of being one with all people. So we talked about this for awhile. I have an example to use, but it is not necessary to go into it. God knows; he heard me share it with my cousin.

The Catholic hermit is pondering these matters, for what the Bishop said regarding allowing enemies to be in our hearts, of what the Right Reverend wrote in the St. Silouan Foreward about Christ's heart being open to evil and good alike, and now putting it all together with life experiences: the Catholic hermit must love like Christ; yes. The humility must be deep and thorough; yes. The sorrow of sins and of being one with all past, present and future brothers and sisters who sin, as they are bound to me: this must be a very real sorrow.

It is sinking in today, the sorrow. It is a different kind of sorrow, though. It is a serene sorrow. There is much peace in this sorrow. Like the impervious peace of the soul, this sorrow is a facet now experienced this afternoon for the first time, adding lustre and beauty to the peace. Doubtful, it will ever leave.

This is the peaceful, serene sorrow of the Sacred Heart.

Lake Immaculata is ice-free; the sun slants from the west, as if rippling the waters easterly, gently, sparkling in its own expression of sorrowful serenity. They share the sorrows of nature in its harsh realities, for within days ripples succumb to icy sheathing, crusting, thickening, until spring thaws.

St. Silouan's Virtues

2008-01-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

For a Catholic hermit, the virtues which St. Silouan exhibited are worthy of emulation.

His contant spiritual weeping avoided sentimentality or complaint, no trace of hysteria. In his chastity, besides bodily control, he avoided any thought that might displease God. He mixed with all peoples, loving sinners and saints alike. He was fearless in the face of temptation, had fortitude but did not come across as overly self-assured. He existed in awe of God and possessed a combined courage with meekness.

The Staretz possessed a deep humility. He liked to honour others but to be unconsidered himself, to greet others before being greeted. He set particular store by the blessings of bishops and abbots, and indeed of all in Holy Orders, but he was never obsequious or ingratiating. He had a genuine respect for people of rank and education, but no feeling of jealousy or inferiority--possibly because of his profound realization of the transcience of worldy position, wealth or even scholarship. He knew how 'greatly the Lord loveth His people,' and his love for God and man made him value and respect every man.

Simplicity cloaked his outer mannerisms but his spirt was aristocratic. He did not spurn or disregard and did not stoop to affectation. Silouan did not try to impress others; there was nothing ignoble in him. He did not laugh aloud, never derided or made fun of people. It is said that on occasion a faint smile would cross his lips, but he did not otherwise move his lips except in speaking.

Anger as a passion had no place in his heart, yet all that was false, evil and ugly he opposed absolutely. Backbiting, pettiness, narrow-mindedness and the like found no support in him. when he encountered them he would show himself inflexible, yet contrive not to wound the man guilty of them, either by a visible reaction or an impulse of his heart (for a sensitive man would feel that too). This he attained by inner prayer, which kept him serence and unreceptive of any evil.

One time a very famous, ascetic monk visited, and the ascetic shared much of his knowledge, and edified many of the monks. After two months, though, he felt he had not gained profitably in quest of his own spiritual edification. He had many conversations with the brothers, and they were carried away by this monk's teachings and thoughts. Fr. Silouan remained in a corner, listening. At the end of the ascetic's conclave of sorts, he asked to speak privately with Fr. Silouan the next day. Fr. Silouan spent the night in prayer, that the meeting with this knowledgeable ascetic would be beneficial in God.

He had noticed that the ascetic spoke many words but what he said of meeting man's will with God's, and about obedience, had been obscure. When the two met, Fr. Silouan asked this rather impressive Father three questions: How do the perfect speak? What does surrender to the will of God mean? What is the essence of obedience?

The spiritual atmosphere in which Fr. Silouan "dwelt" affected this other priest, no doubt, and he became thoughtful. After a silence, he said, "I don't know. You tell me."

This was the first of a step in humility for this ascetic who had spent two months impressing the others with his knowledge and talk.

Fr. Silouan simply answered: The perfect never say anything of themselves.* They only say what the Spirit suffers them to say.

*John 7:17 - "If any man will do the will of Him, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself." [Douey translation]

"Anyone who is prepared to do His will, can tell for himself if such learning comes from God, or whether I am delivering a message of my own." [Knox translation]

Prior to this verse, Jesus had said that His teaching came from the Father, from the One Who sent Him. So, it does not mean that the perfect do not speak about their own lives (although if one is speaking from God, it is unlikely to speak much of one's own life), but that all that is spoken is only that which God is the Author, the Inspiration, the Source of what is said.

For this Catholic hermit, these virtues dash cold water in the face. Much to ponder; much more to practice; much more to pray for humility and all else that follows in purity of heart.

The Enormous Sacred Heart

2008-01-09T06:28:00.001-08:00

At early Mass, the Catholic hermit realized that it is true what the Right Reverend had written in St. Silouan book's Foreward. The Sacred Heart has the door open for the evil and the good.

Guess I knew it was true when I read it and then wrote it out on a previous blog, but this morning, before the Tabernacle, the reality of just how enormous is Jesus' Heart--well, it all made sense. Later I told the confessor that it is getting crowded in here with all us schmucks.
He laughed, but it is true. The Sacred Heart is the place to nest, and Jesus has it stretched limitlessly for any and all souls who desire to enter. And we can bring souls in with us, especially our enemies' souls. Yes, the Bishop challenged us to put our enemies in our hearts, but if our hearts are subsumed in the Sacred Heart, then that is where we place our enemies' hearts. One is not breaking the law by bringing in our enemies, for the supernatural realm is not the world's.

A hermit who I admire--for this one seems to have ability to perceive, extricate from that which is not hermit-like, do an about face, and continue quietly in our vocational life of prayer and penance--has sent some links regarding St. Silouan the Staretz. If anyone is reading, these might be far more efficient to read than dragging through my blogs. One is an article which emphasizes the Staretz's teaching on love of enemies. http://www.pravoslavie.ru/enarticles/040218200410

Another site shared contains biographical information, some on his teachings, and photos. I never realized his head is perserved in a relic box, but my reading is wanting.

St. Silouan came to a degree of prayer, through years of God's teaching and grace, which helped him say often: "Our brother is our life."

The ascetic learns the great mysteries of the Spirit through pure mental prayer. He descends into his inmost heart, into his natural heart first, and thence into those depths that are no longer of the flesh. He thus finds his 'deep' heart--reaches the profound spiritual, metaphysical core of his being; and looking into it he sees that the existence of mankind is not something alien and extraneous to him, but is inextricably bound up with his own existence.

Through Christ's love, all men are made an inseparable part of our own individual, eternal existence. The Staretz began to understand the commandment, 'Love thy neighbor as thyself,' as something more than an ethical imperative. In the word 'as' he saw an indication, not of a required degree of love but of an ontological community of being--the commandment of Christ incorporates man in the whole Divine act of the creation of the world.

So, this means that we are linked with one another, in love; and when we comprehend that Jesus has taken into Himself all of mankind, and suffered for all of mankind, that we too ought to "think and feel like Christ--having the same mind which was in Christ."

St. Silouan began to interiorly weep in the intensity of his prayer for mankind. He had been given the gift of understanding and living Christ-like love, of taking to himself all of mankind. The tears are not to be confused with emotional tears; they were interior, of repentance, but hidden with a quiet weeping, peaceful yet profound and profuse.

We are to look upon every man as our eternal brother. In this world there are various distinctions but in eternity we are all one. We must take care of for one's individual self but also for the single whole. St. Silouan was shown the tortures of hell, and after that he prayed for souls separated from God--living and dead. God had told him: Keep thy mind in hell. So he prayed for those separated in various ways, and also for those past and in the future who would live separated from God.

Now, here are some aspects of the Staretz' prayer life when he'd spend long nights in solitary prayer.

...the words of prayer should be spoken very slowly, one by one, each engrossing the whole being. the entire person focusses into a single point. The breathing becomes... 'secret'...[concentration of the Spirit]. The mind, the heart, the body to its very bones, are all drawn into this one point. Unseeing, the mind contemplates the world; unseeing,

the heart lives the sufferings of the world, and in the heart itself suffeirng reaches its utmost limit. The heart--or rather, the whole being--is submerged in tears.

The Staretz' prayers were not verbose, though they went on for a very long time....'When the mind is entirely in God, the world is quite forgotten.'

When, for reasons we do not know, this dwelling in God draws to a close, there is no prayer, but peace, love and profound tranquillity in the soul, and a certain intangible sadness because the Lord has left, for the soul would wish to dwell in God eternally. The soul then lives out what is left of her contemplation.

It is noted that the Staretz prayed best--and are considered the best conditions for mental prayer--in darkness and with the least or no external stimuli. At times, he would be found sitting on a stool, praying with knit cap pulled down over his whole head.

Now the Regular Confessor Gives Advice

2008-01-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

The regular confessor spoke with the hermit, and when he heard what the issues are, he said I must follow through. The hermit's concern has been that the hermit wanted to react in this situation of the libel and the neighbor situation, just as Jesus would desire and how He would act. But the regular confessor said that also in charity, the neighbor woman could harm someone in future, and must be stopped. So my attempting to stop this, might help someone later, besides helping others to not endanger themselves with breaking the law by mailing threats--or doing something more physical. So the hermit will deal with the world, the world, the world.

Yet, thankfully, the adult son is going to do the negotiating with the paper, and if the paper does not do the decent thing and print an explanatory retraction, then people are volunteering to write letters. It will not be regarding the neighbor woman but will cite what this has done in causing others to believe a falsehood, and then to react and act on it, and that if they are caught, they will face criminal charges. Letters will deal with responsible journalism but also hopefully calm the storm in the neighborhood. Maybe the hermit will be able to stay here, maybe not. Only time will tell. So much for the S of Stability, but one assumes God gives leeway to such matters, and hermits of the past centuries often had to wander for one good reason or another.

The regular confessor also mentioned to the hermit that St. Paul told Timothy to drink some wine to settle the stomach, as the hermit had some Irish whiskey in egg nog, after the trying conversation with the newspaper editor. But, praying the rosary would have been better. Yes, in all things, there is room for improvement. My imperfections exist moment by moment.

The confessor, also rather up there in all aspects of the Diocese, clarified another question the hermit asked, but that might be dealt with later on, or not at all. It really does not have to do with the spiritual life, with living out the interior life. But he said at some point I ought to make it clear for readers, even as there are but one or two who might happen upon this poor blog.

A dear friend who suffers much, is reading a book gifted her. It is St. Francis de Sales' Letters to People in the World. She quoted for the hermit his advice to a priest who had temptations in his vocation, that we must live what God asks of us, that we must be who were are and to live it.

I still chuckle at the difficulty in being a hermit and living it. By stating the "h" word in anonymous writings, there has been a good and gradual progression in accepting the vocation. Those who guide and direct my soul, know, and they assist in being such outstanding directors, wise and of good counsel, that my genderless soul in nothingness is elated with how it is all falling into beautiful place, nested securely and deeply within the Sacred Heart. That is a loving and suitable spot for any soul, and very apt for a hermit. Yes, for all souls of all vocations: this is the place!

It is ironic, that for one who detests being noticed, shrinks from controversy (but will do as directed and write truth (and that as it comes from those in charge of my soul), and so desires to be quite hidden and cocooned--that the world in unexpected storm is pounding rain on the very windows (and mailbox) of Agnus Dei.

As for writing on blogs, the regular confessor did not do as I'd hoped: he said that God would surely let me know if I was to stop, and that otherwise he said that it is very much a hermit thing to do, as it is anonymously cloaked in hiddenness. Always, always, the self is removed as much as possible. So now the spiritual da, the priest who advises from time to time, and the regular confessor so steeped in humility and meekness as to inspire--desire me to keep writing out my thoughts, writing out the quotes from some of these lesser-known or perhaps scarce books, to share with one or two others who might read, or might not, but to reinforce in my soul the good readings the Bishop said he wanted me to continue, and to strive to apply them to the experiences of every day life for a Catholic hermit in this time and place.

Yes, the regular confessor said to say "Catholic hermit", for he desires in meekness and to not be distracted by labels and options for consecrated eremitics, to simply refer to myself as the Catholic hermit. For, there could be privately avowed, consecrated Buddhist hermits, or Hindu hermits, or all kinds of hermits of other philosophies and religions. He told me to quote the Catechism of the Catholic Church so that others would know, but I figure those interested in the eremitic life will read and learn for themselves. It's in the section on consecrated life. He knows that my writing is more to do with the interior life, with living the life, and that it is enough for he and my spiritual da and the other priest and the Bishop to help me in my Catholic hermit life. He said to steer clear of words that would bring unnecessary debates on the technicalities that have actually little to do with my spiritual life as a hermit--a "Catholic hermit." He said he highly doubted if St. Benedict was hung up on such matters.

Yes, St. Francis de Sales: We will strive to be who we are and to live it!

The Third Deputy Arrives at Agnus Dei

2008-01-08T12:24:00.000-08:00

The hermit is doing as the confessor said: dealing with this problem. This deputy was quite kind and read today's hate mail, and then said perhaps if the newspaper would print a retraction, at least the neighborhood and others who read the fabricated story by the neighbor, would calm down. Then, he said, we would have to wait and see if and when the neighbor reacts, and that way they could deal with her directly. He also said I need to report the threatening letters to the US Postal Inspector, as the perpetrators are using the mail. Off he went, saying he would place these last two items in the "evidence file."

My. The hermit admits to being a bit shaky. So the hermit spoke with the newspaper section editor, and went round and round a bit. The paper does not want to take any responsibility. Yes, they did not print my name or identify where I live, but as the deputy said, and I told this to the editor, they did not have to since they printed the neighbor's first and last name. It doesn't take much to find out who was the person she targeted as an animal abuser.

The hermit has done some editing this afternoon, and the world out there is filled with sorrowful cases of people basically ripped off by large companies. The hermit must not become scattered but must remain within the nest of the Sacred Heart, which is growing by leaps and bounds with all kinds of souls.

An adult son and daughter have been in contact; the son is going to step intervene as best he can, which is probably quite a bit since he is a journalist in a major city, and knows what he's about in such matters of the press. The hermit is grateful.

Writing of St. Silouan's marvelous spiritual life is going to have to wait until later. The hermit must do some manual labor, re-collect the recollected state of soul, and pray for the world. One aspect of St. Silouan, just as a tidbit of focus, is that he experienced such a union with other souls in the world through prayer, that he experienced interior tears of sorrow, and he suffered in union with the sorrows of Christ for all us human beings in our pathetic, sinfulness. So the hermit is going to ponder its own pathetic state and sinfulness--so helpless against false accusations. Is this not the cross we are to pick up daily, and to follow Christ?

The World, the World

2008-01-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

Yes, the hermit is not to go out into the world, not seeking, but to live in stricter separation from the world, in assiduous prayer and penance!

Reading more of St. Silouan last night, the hermit was calmed and brought quickly around once again to the spiritual view. St. Silouan is progressing deeply in the spiritual life, in these pages read, and the hermit will write of them later.

But now, the hermit shares what the confessor advised this morning, and that is still to protect myself. The hermit did not want to, not after reading St. Silouan. The confessor (and not the hermit's regular one, but a priest well-versed in life and the Church) said I must read the Gospel of St. John over the next two days, and within it will find that the second time Jesus sent the disciples out, he told them to take a sword. He wants me to pray about this matter, for he still thinks I need to deal with the injustice of the defamation and the problem with someone who he is even more convinced suffers from mental illness. The confessor also added his emphasis on the demonic involved in this. Well, yes, the spiritual da had said that immediately: "Sheer evil! It's the devil!"

The hermit pointed out to the confessor that Jesus did replace the ear and did not want fighting, for it would hinder His mission. The confessor said, and the hermit agrees, that one must pray and ask what is the mission here with these souls who are instable and have caused others to threaten harm.

By the grace of God, the hermit is given such peace and joy! How beautiful are the writings of St. John!

Again, the hermit is not to go out into the world, the world, seeking; but God surely and beautifully brings the world, the world to the hermit!

Reconsidering What Has Been Advised....

2008-01-07T17:31:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. The first hate packet was found when the snow melted. The hermit called the sheriff dept. to say it had been found, and did they need it? Turns out the case has a detective assigned to it, so the hermit is to hear back from him tomorrow.

A long time friend from another state called. This friends had fits a bit when I seemed rather detached about it all. The friend joins the couple or so others who have been informed of this situation, in thinking a lawyer needs to be involved, if necessary, and the newspaper needs to print a retraction. Also the alarm idea has resurfaced since it is becoming more plausible and probable that we are dealing with someone with mental illness. The volatile outbursts of the past are being recalled. The hermit needs to alert the detective to the summer accusation that the hermit had hit the grandson with the car. The friend says to get all on record, for everyone's welfare.

Yes, hermits are not to go seeking out in the world. The Lord does indeed bring the world to the hermits when He has some purpose for doing so. Prayer, humility, detachment, strengthening of inner peace, great love for others no matter what. Now the hermit will have the opportunity to show hospitality to the detective. When these deputies have come into the hermitage, the hermitage manifests Jesus Christ in the artwork, religious objects, and books. Did not the Bishop just yesterday tell us to manifest Christ to the world?

I now have the large framed photo of the Holy Father sitting up on a stand and leaning against a wall, noticed as one enters. He smiles at them and says, no doubt, "Be good! Be holy!"--and maybe even "Be Catholic!".

An adult says I must keep writing--even if others might disagree or misunderstand--for it is a way that the hermit works out how to grow, works out thoughts and situations, and places all before God for visual examination in words. An artist once told the hermit that the hermit is a wordsmith. Perhaps. But if there is a particular art form for the hermit, it is writing and always has been.

Virtue of Piety

2008-01-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

From a Carthusian's magnificent writings on the interior life, this genderless soul-nothingness hermit has read about the virtue of piety. The nothingness hermit will need to re-read and ponder. (The spiritual da the other day said it is so important to ponder--and pondering does take much of God's gift of earthly time but of holy momentum.)

The human virtues: prudence, fortitude, justice, and temperance; utilized by the divine virtues: faith, hope, and charity--are condensed and concentrated in piety. He writes also, "And not only the virtues of the heart, but the knowledge of the mind, the actions of the body, every vital movement, every habit or human act, all these centre and unite in this one and sovereign disposition. Piety is, therefore, the gathering together of all dispositions, forms of knowledge, virtues or human actions, in the sight, love, and seeking of God. The word 'piety' sums up all that is made for God, in the same way as the word 'impiety' sums up all that runs counter to God."

To know, to see, to seek God in love--this is for everyone, hermits or otherwise.

Is the Internet helping me to know, to see, to seek God in love? For the first time I noticed some extraneous Internet comments going on, and the soul of my piety was challenged, for the soul of the body of piety is Divine charity.

St. Seraphim of Sarov--and any other holy hermit I've encountered in the annals of Church history has not been concerned so much with vocation as with piety: of sighting, loving and seeking God.

This is what I desire, this piety, for it is of God and there is piety to be embodied within the Sacred Heart. More and more it seems that there is peace in writing, yes, as it is a sharing--but with whom? Can I not share with God alone and thus commune less and less with thoughts and words? Is it God's will that I share this hermit life which is less about being a hidden diocese hermit with private vows, and more about sighting, loving and seeking God as a genderless soul in nothingness?

One Day within Your Courts

2008-01-07T06:25:00.001-08:00

...is better than a thousand elsewhere.

This Psalm verse says all the hermit was trying to express in many paragraphs.

St. Silouan the Staretz had a vision of Jesus, once, yet he had not the knowledge or strength at the time to bear the vision. He had wondered why that vision did not endure as an irrevocable gift. Later he understood why he had lost grace, and at that point he received the "light of knowledge."

He understood the struggle of St. Seraphim of Sarov who (during a time of loss of grace and seeming abandonment by God) stood a thousand days and nights on bare stone in the wilderness, invoking God to be merciful to him, a sinner. Silouan also understood, now, what St. Pemn meant when he said, "Be sure, children, that where Satan is, there shall I be." He knew why St. Antony was sent to the cobbler for this lesson: "All will be saved, only I shall be lost."

And what St. Makarios of Egypt meant when he said: "Descend into thy heart and there do battle with Satan."

From the experience of his own life--and not astractly or theoretically--Silouan learned that "the field of man's spiritual battle with evil--cosmic evil--is his own heart. He saw in spirit that sin's deepest root is pride...."

From then on, Silouan concentrated his whole soul on acquiring the humility of Christ--which had been made known to him at the time of the first vision he had, but which he had lost. Siloaun also saw that "knowledge of the path to eternal, Divine life had always lain in the Church, and that by the action of the Holy Spirit this knowledge is handed down through the centuries, from generation to generation."

From that day, of comprehending these truths, Silouan adopted his "beloved song", as he called it: Soon I shall die, and my accursed soul will descend into the blackness of hell. I shall languish alone in the sombre flames, weeping for my Lord. "Where art Thou, Light of my soul? Why hast Thou forsaken me? I cannot live without Thee."

And why had he gone through all this process to begin with? Silouan had been told by an aged Staretz of another monastery, that Silouan's prayer was not pure. He had too many thoughts to which he clung, and rooted in this distraction, as always, is pride. This form of pride is so subtle, such a spiritual pride, that only humility can rout it from the soul.

This is why Jacob of Serug, in his homily on the Annunciation of Mary, wrote of her humility--and that it was due to her humility that God found her pure among women and chose her to be His mother.

The distractions of evil, of being in the houses of the wicked [thoughts, doings, words of the world], cause one to be scattered and to lose grace, to lose God. The soul is not looking at the Star but rather on the doings of earth. The hermit noticed this with the hate mail and false accusations: prayers were being offered for these souls, but how many other intentions had been neglected? And, the very thoughts of the difficulty with the neighbors disrupted any hope of humility, for self-protection in its own way is rooted in pride.

Where are the courts of the Lord? They are within the Sacred Heart! That is where the hermit, a genderless soul in nothingness, must nest if but for one day. Even being on the threshold--at the entrance of His Wound--than to be in the houses of the wicked!

Sheriff Visits Agnus Dei Once More

2008-01-06T09:34:00.000-08:00

The hermit had to summon the sheriff again. The hermit would have preferred to go once more to the sheriff's station, but they wanted to send out a deputy in a marked car. Perhaps the marked car would give a message in the neighborhood that they are taking seriously the hate mail.

Yes, it still has to do with the fabricated but sensational story for the newspaper, and the neighbor woman is also helping spread more details, as this latest letter indicates that the author is someone who knows the neighbor. Now the hermit is also being accused of having killed the neighbor's previous cat. It is all rather amazing to consider how evil such silly situations can become.

The Bishop spoke this morning, the Feast of the Epiphany, about adoration, evil in the world but Christ greater than evil, and on mission to bring Christ as Light into the world. He reminded us that Jesus did not come to the world to abolish evil; but that He predominates over evil, always.

Just takes a different view: the spiritual view over the world view.

A priest from India sent an e-mail and shared his homily. I liked this section particularly:

"Herod was completely enslaved with the earthly matters, therefore had no time to be worried of the matters of the sky. However, the message of the birth of the savior threatens him badly and he prepares an evil plan of action which would threaten the lives of many innocent children. The second type of the people is the priests and the court attendance s of the king Herod. They had all the skills and the wisdom to know and seek the Savior. But they did not strive for seeking the king of kings. There can be people among us who are with the excellent capacity and wisdom to seek and find the truth and to become the worshppers of truth. They are knowledgeable, but not spiritually stimulated. They can know about the heavenly matters; but they stay away from it because they are not adequately spiritually motivated. They are supposed to be spiritual, yet they preferred to be mundane. The third categories of people are like the magi, who are knowledgeable, are genuinely motivated; who thinks that it is worth to be seekers. They do not hesitate to be part of a journey, even when they are given no sign, except the star. Yet they find the journey meaningful and worth making. They have gone off the track. Instead of following the star, they went and asked the king Herod about the new born child, which did not help them to reach the manger. Like, the magi we too can be off the track, mislead, confused; yet we need to sure that we can make a comeback. Like them we too, may start well, but can be caught up with something in between. However the magi are telling us to return to the path and look high up in the sky, seeing the stars, keep moving toward the Savior in order to offer ourselves as gifts to him who is born as our Savior."

The hermit loves the part of being interested in matters of the skies. Yes, this goes for vocation, also. We must keep our eyes and hearts and souls on our vocation. We might glance down from the Star on occasion, but we must strive more and more to keep our view on "the skies."

Although a priest last evening advised the hermit to get an attorney regarding what is becoming a most unfortunate incident of evil and sickness, now involving others who believed what they read (why shouldn't they--don't we trust the press?)--the hermit is praying about these matters, trying to keep the eyes on the Star in the skies. The priest also recommended having an alarm system installed. He also said, that based on his experience with many people, that my neighbor probably is a paranoid schizophrenic. Well, yes, that is highly likely; and he said that other family members after so long a time, go along with the person or else have the illness as well. Yes, that is highly likely, also. He then said that along with such illnesses, demonic oppression and sometimes demonic possession are right in there. Yes, yes, yes. Agree.

Two other friends have advised an attorney, as they say these people are not going to stop. No, I agree, they won't until someone moves away or death do us part. Now, that death could be the death of the evil manifesting.

But, in the middle of the night, the hermit was praying, and the hermit does not want to lose the inner peace and joy of nesting within the Sacred Heart, and the hermit found itself saying, "Lord, I'd rather DIE than to have to be pulled back out into the world of lawyers and alarm systems."

Now, I know that lawyers and alarms are very good services and products, but the hermit just doesn't desire the world at all, or very little--just enough to exist as long as God desires the hermit to exist here. If the newspaper desires to print a retraction, fine. Let them. The hermit is not naive, but also does not want to anticipate that these people will then just do something else.

In fact, the hermit recalled in the night, a time last summer in which the little grandson was allowed to drive a motorized jeep out into the street. No big deal, although I would not have this situation if it were my grandchild--very dangerous even though many small children have these vehicles. I was in my car, returning to Agnus Dei, and approaching I saw the four-year-old not watching, and doing a fast turn to head right out into the middle of the street. I stopped a good two lots down and waited. His father (the mother left the husband and child, and one can wonder) came out and had quite a temper display. Well, I am detracting, aren't I? Anyway, I can hopefully write what happened to the hermit as a result. The grandfather came out later when the hermit was dead-heading roses, and said that he'd heard from his son that I had hit the little boy with my car! There was more, but I did that time clarify that I had NOT hit the child, would NOT hit the child, had waited down the street as I had SEEN the child was not watching and was heading out into the street, unattended.

So, this is part of that world of which the Bishop spoke, and the hermit vocation is fairly removed most of the time, except when God brings the world to the hermit. For now, the hermit is not going to take the situation back into the world via an attorney or workers to install an alarm system. What is the point? In the hermit's past, there has been litigation, and people perjure themselves quite readily and no one investigates--at least not in the several instances of my personal experience.

No, the hermit is more interested in the hermit life, which includes mostly prayer. The hermit recalls the Bishop's homily on the Vigil of the Mother of God. He stated that many can consider having Jesus in their hearts, but how many can keep their enemies in their hearts?

The hermit's heart is being stretched out in a major way. There are four adults and a child next door, several other neighbors and families, this recent woman who says she works in a hospital and how unChristian is the hermit, despicable, abusive, incapable of loving anything, and so forth, the various Sheriff deputies, the newspaper editors and column chiefs, and all the many who have read the article and are outraged.

A friend called yesterday and had read it, and we laughed when she (more said than asked), "Was that YOU?" She and her husband are in great favor of taking action, but then, they are in active apostolate within the Church.

St. Silouan: A New Friend for the Hermit

2008-01-05T05:56:00.000-08:00

St. Silouan is a friend for all hermits, for all souls! Silouan the Staretz (means holy one) lived from 1866-1938. From Russia, he joined a monastery on Mount Athos in 1892, still with his birth name of Simeon. He was one of seven children, and his description of his humble father is that of one who is wise and holy in simplicity. Simeon had some sinful aberrations in his youth, but he had two deeper conversions, and after required military service, his father said he was free to become a monk. And what a holy monk!

In the introduction to the book The Undistorted Image (by Archimandrite Sofrony), the Right Rev. Georges Florovsky writes of Father Silouan's writings. This section is worth quoting, for it speaks also of love, which is a basis of Silouan the Staretz's holiness.

The sayings of Father Silouan are simple. There is nothing specatcular in them, except indeed their simplicity itself. He had no special 'revelations' to disclose. He spoke usually about common things. Yet even about the common things he spoke in a very uncommon manner. He spoke out of his intimate experiences. Love is both the starting point and the core of Christian endeavour. But the 'novelty' of Christian Love is so often overlooked and disregarded. According to Christ Himself, the only true Love is 'love for enemies.' It is in no case just a super-rogatory advice, and not just a free option. It is rather the frist criterium, and the distinctive mark, of the genuine Love. St. Paul was also quite emphatical at this point. God loved us while we were His enemies. The Cross itself is the perennial symbol and sign of that Love. Now, Christians must share in that redemptive Love of their Lord. Otherwise, they cannot 'abide in His Love'. Father Silouan not only spoke of Love. He practiced it. In a humble, and yet daring, manner he devoted his life to the prayer for enemies, for the perishing and alienated world. This pryaer is a dangerous and ambiguous endeavour, unless it is offered in utter humility. One can easily become conscious of his love, and then it is corroded and infected by vanity and pride. One cannot love purely, except with the love of Christ Himself, infused and operating in the humble heart....The glory of the Saints is manifested in their humility, just as the glory of the Onlyi Begotten has been manifested in the utter humiliation of His earthly life. Love itself has been crucified in the world.

Well, of course, there is more. But the hermit attempts to share with others who may not have access to this book or have other duties and missions than to write, a good bulk of the day.

As Pere Louis Bouyer writes, monks are close kin to hermits. When in the monastery, the young Simeon (named Silouan when professed) learned the spiritual life by a monastic rule forged by centuries of practice with constant awareness of God. This included a rule of prayer in the solitude of the cell, long church offices, fasts and vigils, frequent confession and communion, reading, physical toil and the duties of obedience.

"Simple, and untroubled by the questions which assail present-day intellectuals, he adapted himself to this new way of living, like the other monks, more by an organic fusion with his surroundings than through oral lessons." He also practiced the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son o fGod, have mercy upon me, a sinner. Silouan prayed this incessantly until after a few weeks, one evening he stood before the icon of the Mother of God praying it, and "the prayer entered his heart and continued there, day and night, of its own accord."

Silouan then entered a period of dark nights and trials with the devil. But prior, he had also learned an invaluable lesson while in the military service. He realized that an "essential condition for peace between men is that each should have a consciousness of his own wrong-doing."

The hermit here will try to share more about St. Silouan as progress is made page by page.

Already, there is much even from the Foreward, that is helpful to the hermit in current circumstances, such as with the recent attempt by the neighbors at character defamation. The hermit is considering its own wrong doing, and often this includes not praying enough for others, not recognizing enough how one can glorify God in all creation, including experiences that might appear negative but which actually are positively marvelous opportunities for spiritual growth, prayer, love, forgiveness--all the delights of soul school.

The hermit notes in this book, in the words spoken by Silouan, an element quite contrasting to the friend Teresa Higginson's more ebulliant nature. The hermit must pray for and practice calm--and is reminded to once more pray the Jesus Prayer. The monks utilized the rosary beads in their prayer forms, as well, and not only for the rosary meditations as we know, but for other prayers, such as the Jesus Prayer.

Now, Pope Benedict XVI is smiling from his large framed photo, and wants the hermit to be good and wash dishes, then vacuum the floor, then put away some items prior to noon Mass.

Thoughts on Teresa

2008-01-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

Since reading the life and letters of Teresa Higginson, the hermit has prayed and pondered the devotion she had desired others embrace: Devotion to the Sacred Head, as Seat of Wisdom, His Holy Soul. From this reading, the understanding is that Teresa's private revelations were that the Sacred Head of Christ, the Intellect and Will, informed the Heart. Since reading this, the hermit has concurrently been reading other books in which, without intending, explain with clarity and theological soundness, that it is the Heart of Christ--the Heart and Its Love, which informs the intellect and will. St. John's Ist Letter supports this.

Another classic writer of the spiritual life, Dom Augustine Baker's book Holy Wisdom, has a preface poem in honor of his writings which expresses this beautifully:

In sable lines laid o're a silver ground
The face of that mysteirous Man [Christ] is found,
Whose [Dom Baker] secret life and published writings prove,
To Pray is not to talk, or thinke, but love....

The other references wisely, theologically, and clearly substantiate that Love is God and God is Love, and Charity is the greatest, and would perdure the Sacred Heart as over (for lack of better terms of a mysterious topic, at best) the Sacred Head. These supportive writings are found in The Interior Life and They Speak in Silences, as well as in Ancient Devotions to the Sacred Heart. This topic could be illuminated by many other long-standing and reputable spiritual guides and authors.

However, it is not a major issue, for either the Church will approve Teresa's revelations or not approve. The hermit senses it best to consider the Sacred Heart as that which in Love informs all else. As a practical exercise, the hermit considered that all impulses from one's mind, head, intellect and will remain such; but it is love that makes them holy or good; love forms the impulses into good, into glorifying God, or not. Love is eternal; the impulses are not. Love is God, the thoughts of the intellect and will are not; but when Love permeates the intellect and will, then the totality is a consuming Love. When Jesus willed to suffer and die, He did so for love of us. The thought of doing it, the intellectual impulses did not die for us. It is Love.

The confessor this morning also pointed out that in early times, the heart was considered the seat of reason.
Anyway, the hermit is trying to express the thoughts of the last week or so regarding the devotion of the Sacred Head, and for self is writing out some personal obstacles based upon reading and reasoning. But the desires adoration and love of Christ in all His Incarnate and Divine attributes--Head, Heart, Words, Touch. Just seems reasonable and Scriptural and theological and traditional that Love informs all else--and that is perhaps why the revelations of St. Gertrude and St. Margaret Mary and St. Faustina and so many saints beyond listing have given credence to the devotion to the Sacred Heart. Teresa's communication is rather alone in some aspects as she writes of it, and it is not easily explained, nor clearly, and perhaps a bit questionable in these aspects.

I guess it is all right to think through these things, to discern, and once more to personally follow the general stance adopted by this hermit: go with what the Church has approved. What is not approved can be lovely for future generations. Ponder what is good of others' devotions; and as my confessor said, "Do not become out of balance on the devotion itself" [or the person who propagates it].

Am still asking Teresa to pray for the priest who has a brilliant intellect, for his health and a longer life, unless God has other plans for him! Other aspects of Teresa's holy and devoted life of love of Christ and much suffering, remain meritorious in my consideration; and of course, it is always good if my reservations are proven wrong. They are simply reservations, something just not quite falling into place, personally.
For one thing, her spiritual director was not successful at least while alive, in promoting the devotion as Teresa had suggested he would be. There was something edgy about her pronouncement of Jesus' ire and what would befall those who did not embrace the devotion. I'm not sure, off-hand, that other mystics of major revelations from Jesus reported a kind of doom to those who did not adhere to the wishes--but then, Our Lady at Fatima did say that if we did not pray and turn from sin, the world would suffer consequences. But it wasn't that bad would happen if we did not follow a certain devotion. So these are sticking points to me in what I read, and I may have misinterpreted or misread. Yes, that can happen.

Hermit Challenged by Consumerism and Activity

2008-01-02T06:16:00.000-08:00

This is pathetic: The hermit's deep peace and joy pierced by consumerism! The hermit edits in the solitude of Agnus Dei, some consumer complaints for an international consumer concern. Oh my--the complaints reveal such frustration, anger, fraud, and injustice. They also at times reveal consumer ignorance, stupidity and downright wrong attachments.

The employer generously and lovingly gave the edtiors a gift certificate to an on-line company. The hermit has tried to use the certificate--first to purchase books to give to seminarians and then to purchase religious DVD's that are inspirational and also good if guests come. But the company continues to charge the hermit's charge card rather than use the gift card amount! This has happened now three times, and even after it appears that the gift card is used; later internal changes are made.

The hermit called regarding the books and was told one thing, only to find out later this was not true. The hermit called twice regarding the errant charges for the DVD's--as this could be a scam in order to have the consumer keep having to buy other items, trying to use the gift card amount--which never gets used but the charge card debited instead.

The hermit found much time spent in finding the DVD's on-line (and previously the best prices for the books, and then canceled the orders, but the vendors shipped anyway, which now leaves a decision to be made to ship them back and battle it out for a refund or keep them and give a negative review of the vendors, or keep them and not give a negative review). Oh my!

The voice kept tightening some on the phone, even though the hermit assured the customer reps each time that it was not their fault. The reps went over the issue, and each time sent e-mails which represented the problem was not corrected. The hermit is now assured some other level will make the adjustment in 48 hours. We shall see. The hermit e-mailed, also, to the company, explaining the situation and the dissatisfaction with the errors on-going.

The hermit would prefer not to have the gift card, although good can come from it if the problems can be resolved. The hermit struggled to discern how one can glorify God in this tedium and clash-cross-check with the consumer world? Well?

The hermit pondered that in this case, firmness and perseverance are needed; but also to pray for the reps struggling in their English usage. It would not be detraction to give negative reviews of the vendors who ignored the cancelation of the four books; but the reviews can be worded in a way as to show the wrong without obliterating their personhoods! The books will go for a good cause, and the hermit must focus on that. It would be a waste to mail them back and spend more time battling with vendors who pulled this tactic to begin with.

Firmness and perseverance can glorify God if the purpose is other-centered, and the very souls of the service reps are considered in their humanity, in their efforts to work and earn a living. They are more than voices and imperfect people trying to solve a problem with an imperfect system of an imperfect company. Gratitude for the good intentions of the employer gifting the hermit can glorify God. The use of the DVD's can glorify God. Prayers for all the consumers who write of frustrations and injustices can glorify God. Being united with the downtrodden of the consumer world, in prayerful compassion can glorify God in its humbling factors: the hermit is experiencing the same kind of issues with this company! Offering the time spent and the acknowledgement to God of tightened voice, of the prick of resentment and anger, and of the disgust of having to deal with the "world"--can glorify God.

Of course, the hermit could have just let the gift card amount sit there, unused. The hermit has become inclined to do whatever to not have to deal with the world, for the world disrupts the glorious peace of God. Or it tries, anyway. The hermit lets it prick the soul. The hermit could learn not to let it prick the soul---if the hermit remain recollected. It is a process; this requires practice and more prayer.

But it is true, the less we possess, the less problems we encounter. How many complaints the hermit edits in which adults' and children's very lives are declared ruined because their little electronic game box breaks! Many have said Christmas was ruined because of this or that problem with some item not working that they spent $400 for, or sometimes have repurchased to have it break again and again.

The hermit is all the more grateful for the two variety-type discount stores--not too large and vast--that contain whatever the hermit could possible "need" and then some--and with face-to-face people, and just taking whatever they happen to have on the shelves without lots of decisions to make. Get the job done in the consumer world, and be back in Agnus Dei!

Glory to God for the convenience of the internet shopping, however, for the hermit can find excellent books that can be read and passed on to others, or sold again if need be.

But the hermit noticed that after the consumer-oriented problem phone calls, reading and writing about Jacob of Serug and the Holy Mother of God brought a defining return to inner peace and joy. The hermit more desires the peace, and this peace reminds the hermit to remain aloof of the consumer world as much as possible. There is very little one needs for one aging person. Enough vegetable soup is in the fridge to last a week. We must expect some difficulties, though, and the glorification of God (again the hermit is reminded!) comes with the means and way of the reaction and solution. How are all matters handled by a genderless soul, in nothingingness, who nests within the Sacred Heart of Jesus?

On another matter, the hermit is to drive today to a nearby town to visit an elderly friend in a beautiful assisted living facility. The friend is a Protestant, and a lovely soul, with mind failing. She thinks she needs to have more visits from the hermit, and she does not realize the hermit is a hermit--for whenever the hermit has in past tried to explain the contemplative life, it is to no avail. Protestants (and many Catholics) do not comprehend a life of silence and penance (and the penance hardly so, it seems, but more than most in our posh culture). Yes, the life of the hermit seems strange and odd to others, so the hermit reveals nothing about it to them, and has put them at ease with the outer garb being pleasing and blending.

The hermit does not want to go. It will involve much sitting, causing much pain on a day of already high levels of pain. The visit is complicated by two other persons' expressing expectation that the hermit ought to visit, that this is the hermit's duty--and that it is judged wrong the hermit is not out doing more visiting. They do not know that the hermit is a hermit, and they do not comprehend that life as they didn't before when the hermit explained and looked more the part. They do not comprehend the physical pain--but also the will of God that the hermit remain in stricter separation of the world, to pray for the world and for souls, to suffer for the sins of the world and the sins of the poor hermit.

The hermit is asking Jesus how it can glorify God in this visit, though, and it is preferable to make the visit than to be involved with consumerism! The hermit must conquer the resistance that has come, truly, from these other two persons who have commented in judgment that the hermit MUST and OUGHT to "do" more, and that it is unkind not to "do" more visiting, calling, keeping in contact in tangible ways. Where would it all end? What is the boundary line?

St. Seraphim, pray for this fledgling hermit! At first, I did not totally understand why you would literally HIDE from people coming to find you, to seek you out--and that you refused to come from your room at the monastery when not allowed to stay in your hut in the woods. No, you did not come out for even your brother and sister who had come to see you but once in your monastic life! But you came out when God willed, when it was time, after many years of seclusion. You came out and people came to talk with you. They came to you; you still did not go and do and visit. I understand now, though!

A hermit exists in a specific vocation, willed by God, and bounded by the hermit's rule of life which God informs to the hermit, uniquely so but with certain givens. If the hermit is also asked to just adore Him, and needs to learn the rule, it is more reclusive in that time period, for as long as the hermit senses the required solitude and begins to perceive the work and doing of prayer--even if others do not.

The Hermit Happens Upon Jacob of Serug

2008-01-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

Today the hermit began reading a book found on a clearance shelf at the religous book store: On the Mother of God by Jacob of Serug, early 9th century priest and bishop, Syrian. He is known as "the flute of the Holy Spirit and harp of the faithful church" and had a great love of the Mother of God.

How refreshing to read the lyrical poetry of his homilies on the Blessed Virgin Mary! The intro is fascinating, and the first homily is prefaced by Mar Jacob's plea to Jesus to help him speak of His Mother. The following is Jacob's request of Jesus, and parts remind the hermit of how we may come into Jesus' Heart; He has opened His Heart for the good and the evil ones to come into Him....

O Beneficent One, whose door is open to evil ones and to sinners, grant me to enter and see your beauty while I marvel.
O treasure of blessings, from which even the unjust are satiated, may I be nourished by You because You are entirely life for him who partakes of You.
Cup which inebriates the soul with its draught, and it forgets its suffeirngs; may I drink from You, become wise in You, and recite your story.
O You, who ungrudgingly magnify our unworthy race, my word extols beautiful things with your psalms.
Son of Greatness, who became a little child, grant my feeble self to speak concerning your greatness.
Son of the Most High, who wanted to be with earthly beings, may my word be raised on high to speak and You.
You, our Lord, are an eloquent word which is full of life and a great discourse which gives riches to the one who hears it.
Everyone who speaks about You is speaking because of You, since You are word and rational mind and conscience.
Neither the thoughts of the soul stir without You, nor do words move the lips except in You.
Lips give no sound without Your command, nor is their hearing in the ear without your favour.
Behold, Your riches are lavished on those far and near;
Your door is opened for the good and the evil ones to come into You.
Everyone is rich in You, and You are enriching everyone without measure;
may my discourse be enriched by You with beauty and may it speak to You.
Son of the Virgin, grant me to speak about your mother,
while I acknowledge that the word concerning her is too exalted for us.

Now, is that not beautiful beyond snow falling in the night nest of the feast day of the Mother of God here at Agnus Dei, or in the morning dawn of whereever you may find your soul?

Another View of the Sin of Detraction

2008-01-01T13:57:00.000-08:00

The other day, the hermit wrote of love of neighbors and the reminder to pray for our neighbors. Then another incident occured upon return from Mass. In addition to the little red bag on the front porch, there was a package with a newspaper section, a print-out of information on St. Francis of Assisi, and a little hate note from an anonymous person in the neighborhood.

Rather confused, the hermit looked through the materials, and then saw in the newspaper section, an area starred, and in it a write-up of the neighbor with a falsified account--horrendously heart-rending--of how her poor kitty had been hanged from a door handle by her neighbor, with details, saying the police had been summoned, and the little grandson even asking his daddy if he'd seen the neighbor smiling when his daddy had cut down the kitty. There was more, but the hermit got the idea.

Truly, there was some humor in the situation, for now others in the neighborhood could read the newspaper and well figure out who this woman's neighbor is, for description was given enough just shy of my name. The details were false, and the facts turned around, for it was the hermit who in desperation had summoned the sheriff to bring order to the woman's outbursts.

The hermit decided to simply return the packet to the front porch of Agnus Dei, as found, and use this along with the red bag, to pray not only for the neighbors but also for this new person who by her note was justifiably horrified at what I had supposedly done!

It is so massively awesome how through praying for souls, one can become intimately involved with them without their knowing and without contact. And, this is what the hermit figured God desired: prayer and more prayer. The issue was not the write-up in the newspaper, amazing as it was that the neighbor could not let the issue drop after these months, and that the paper would print such a thing without checking accuracy of the claims.

A friend suggested contacting the paper, or some kind of defense; but the hermit explained that this is yet another angle of the sin of detraction, and it is that of receiving detraction, and of discerning how to deal with it as Jesus did. So no defense would be necessary, and prayer would be undertaken, and small sacrifices, and maintaining a sense of humor, and also of being prepared for others who would read the article, who might feel inclined to take action against the accused! Perhaps the porch, by spring, would be laden with items: prayer reminders.

When one is the target of detraction, and of even libel (which this is due to false accusations), the one detracted does best to consult Jesus's reactions, for He received detraction in all types.

He spoke not; He opened not His mouth. He repeated back, such as to Pilot: It you who say it. He prayed for those who insulted and lied, and forgave all--including those who allowed themselves to be convinced of His supposed guilt. He offered all to His Father, willingly and with love and humility. He recognized that they didn't comprehend what they were doing and begged them be forgiven; and then He commended His own soul to God.

He did not engage in debate, or mock, or try to get others to stand up for him, or go to those who needed to be corrected in their error, or the second- and third-hand parties who perpetuated the detractions. He did not file a lawsuit. He did not try to move away, hide, or avoid continuing on with whatever would be next. He remained loyal to His mission for souls, to save souls.

The hermit pondered these things, but also did slip in some areas such as joking a bit about the incident to the cousin; and in the mind briefly thought about making an appointment with the newspaper editor to simply suggest that what is printed in these end-of-year citizen columns might not be truth and they should check things prior to printing what in this case is libel. For another thought flash, the hermit wondered how things would be come spring and summer.

But, the consideration of how Jesus dealt with His MAJOR detraction took root quickly, and all other thoughts vanished, leaving but one: how to glorify God in this situation?

That challenge became intriguing, and the more the hermit prayed, the more the hermit realized that the neighbor's write-up demonstrated perhaps some underlying issues, perhaps serious and nonetheless sad souled, it was obvious that the devil was irked, and perhaps from the increase in prayers after the little red bag with coal had been thrown on the porch. Now there was yet another soul involved, and in this the hermit could glorify God by not only bringing the neighbor and her husband's souls to God in prayer, but also this anonymous person's soul, as well as the hermit's soul. All to God, all with loving prayer, desiring to glorify Him by adorning Him with four souls now, presented before His Throne. How lovely!

And to do so with not upset or anger or sadness, but with a kind of joy in the hope that progress was being made. Progress was being made with the souls, or else the continuation of such a ridiculous situation would not be flaring up, stirred by the devil. Who else would be behind such lies but the author of them? Progress was being made in the hermit's soul, for the joy was also the joy of recognizing the peace remained unperturbed by this detraction, so that joy could be offered to glorify God all the more due to His peace bequeathed! Progress was being made in that the hermit was learning how to glorify God by taking what seemed a negative situation, and by the grace of God, turning it into a positive. All to God, all glory to God! It all became absolutely hopeful, delightful, and in excelsis Deo!

The joy increased with the freedom from self, with the freedom of realizing that part of the sin of detraction lies within how the person detracted reacts, and of the tendency to self-pity or fear or desiring defense, or of wanting sympathy from others, or more attention by others taking up the banner, making it all more public.

But Jesus shows us how to handle the sin of detraction if we are the recipients. Also, there is great humility in being detracted, for it is only good and blessed to experience what it feels like to be detracted, to be on the receiving end, for what mortal has never detracted another? It starts in toddler years when we expose what a sibling or playmate has done--and sometimes even delight in their being punished. Maybe it is a true wrong they have done, and maybe it is made up, or maybe it is just a case of wrong identity.

The hermit loved this detraction for the lessons it taught. The hermit did not love it for causing another to believe lies and to write a hate note, or others to have ill will over something not even true. The hermit did not love it for the fact that the neighbor is not at peace. But the hermit loved the detraction because it helped the hermit to bring souls otherwise not considered enough or at all, to God in prayer. And it made a huge dent in the hermit's soul on how detraction really, truly does not have any place at all within the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Ironically, after the Vigil Mass for the Holy Mother of God, the hermit learned that the hermit had detracted (in mentioning to a friend the upset of an alter server who was grossly irreverant at Mass, behind the priest's back when the priest was at the altar)--but in error! It was not the alter server that the hermit had thought! See? See how horrible is the sin of detraction? Thankfully, the hermit was able to tell the friend that it was not that boy, and that the hermit had learned a great lesson about any detraction whatsoever--not even in saying something to one single person about another person.

Of course, if that person (as the confessor pointed out) is in danger or is leading others astray, then something should be said to the proper person/s. The hermit knows the difference.

Ironically, also, whoever had left the one package on the porch, evidently had second thoughts and retrieved it while the hermit was at the Vigil Mass. The little red bag tossed there, remains, as it did prior to the newspaper publication.

Once more, the hermit clarifies that when the hermit writes out these boring studies of something the hermit has done wrong, or uses examples of others for the means of sorting through what is the way of Christ in dealing with them, the hermit ONLY writes in order to instill within the hermit, the lessons learned.

There is no room for distraction within the Sacred Heart, and the hermit is now pondering that distraction erupts when people are discussed, in particular. Thankfully, Catholics have confessors with whom to discuss particular issues which involve people, and even in that, we are cautioned to not detract particular people but to confess in generalities. If the confessor needs to know particulars, he will ask the penitent.

Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself

2007-12-30T07:36:00.000-08:00

A friend e-mailed her daily message, and in it she commented she is making bean soup for guests, but she does not have "the right kind of beans." This seemed to be a very simple metaphor for what the hermit took lines and lines to try to explain about special prayers, in the previous blog.

It is like having a bean soup recipe, and sometimes the exact ingredients are given, but we might not have them or have the inclination to use them, so we toss in what we have. We might think they are the wrong kind, but in fact they might create the best bean soup--the best prayer thus far. The point is to glorify God with whatever we have within our means; and what we have within our means, be it beans or thoughts or words or sentiments, is what God has provided for our means to glorify Him all the more.

Now, on another note, yes, the hermit is definitely keeping the large framed photo of the Holy Father just where it has remained since opening the gift after Midnight Mass:

I am to keep that large photo so beautifully framed, right out here in the small great room, leaning up against my coffin! Just there, as it is. When I am slouched in this corner chair, he is across from me, smiling at me with a smile that covers that immense brain of his behind his eyes and face, and I think he is telling me to "Be good." Since no one comes here, anyway, he may as well remain where he is, leaning against my coffin for he is not dead yet, and neither am I. We are still rooted to earth, to the floor.

Also, the other day when the hermit opened the front door to shake a rug, there was noticed a small red bag shoved up awkwardly under the door base jamb. It was brought inside, and opened, and three pieces of coal were inside. Turning it over, the words were written on the bag: "You've been naughty."

Now, who would shove that little bag with coal where it was found? It was not placed there, but seemed to have been thrown, for it was in an unlikly position. Ah, the neighbors who had the diabolic attack a few months ago, to which the sheriff was summoned and then told us we are not to speak or to step foot on each other's property but to live as if a forest stood between our close-knit abodes.

No one has been to Agnus Dei; who else would have thrown it? The hermit was going to simply dispose of it, but then thought that God has brought this little red bag with pieces of coal to remind the hermit that indeed the hermit is naughty, is a sinner, and also has not been praying much at all for the neighbor. The hermit is quite used to the lights glaring all night long and appreciates not having to turn on lights to go to the restroom, and can even take an early morning bath without turning on lights, which allows a nice glow and savings in electricity.

The hermit placed the little red bag back where it was lodged against the foundation, under the door jamb, and will use it for as long as the hermit exists here, as a prayer reminder. If anyone comes to the door and comments or picks it up, they too will be asked to pray for the neighbors, and their neighbors, too, as we must love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Surely, the hermit will not get used to the little red bag, especially in other seasons.

Perhaps the neighbor will notice that the bag remains; and if so, that is as well, for in love of neighbor, it is as well to outwardly ignore such silly exterior actions but to place all in loving prayer. This is how we turn what may be immature or negative into good, which glorifies God all the more.

Now the hermit has written and written and written. There is work to be done around here, and Morning Office to pray, and a soup to make with whatever ingredients are in the pantry and fridge. God's blessings to all the angels and saints, much love to the Most Blessed Trinity and the Virgin Mary, on this Feast of the Holy Family! And to one or two who might read these noxiously detailed blogs, much love to you, also, as we are family in Christ and with the Vicar of Christ as our dad who does pray for each of us daily and loves us with the sacrifice of begetting biological children.

Sr. Josefa's Two Prayers Given Her

2007-12-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

First, the hermit admits to a huge lie. I lied to my spiritual da. I thanked him for the immense and beautifully framed portrait of Pope Benedict XVI; he asked me if it was too large for my place. I lied. I said, "Oh no, it is just fine." He asked if I had a place for it, and I said that I would hang it maybe in my bedroom and was finding a good place.

Of course, it is still leaning up against my coffin in the great (small) room, while I increasingly bond with the Holy Father and see him kindly looking at me, much as my German ancestors surely are, and telling me to be good.

I had not really considered the bedroom, but my son who has wandered from his Holy Mother Church, on the phone when I mentioned the gift from the da, said he would not want to wake up in the morning and have Pope Benedict staring down at him. So I've decided that this is exactly who should be staring down at me, for even though I don't believe for a minute that he is stern as some want to make out, it will be good for me as penance for my lying about its size and having a place for it, as well as a prayer reminder for my son's rather flippant remark. The more I watch the Holy Father watching back at me, hands clasped,and a slight smile on a head that is absolutely brilliant beyond words--I may just need him out here in the great room, all the time. I guess there is no rule that he cannot remain leaning against my coffin. (The coffin is one made from old doors, stained, and a beautiful piece of furniture which has good storage space but also provides an underwindow chest upon which many orchids sit, looking out to the light and Lake Immaculata.)

Now for Sr. Josefa's prayers. It does me much good to re-type them. Even her photo reminds me uncannily of a loving young woman named Dolores who helped me years ago, after the back surgery, with cleaning. She was from Mexico. I don't know what happened to her, as I moved away but prior had moved the children and me into an interim small apartment and in tightness no one could do much cleaning, anyway. But later on, when a priest lent me the book The Way of Divine Love, and I saw Sr. Josefa's photo--I exclaimed: It's Dolores! Maybe it was Sr. Josefa come to help me even then, with the incessant suffering.

Josefa told Mary that she wanted to know how best to pray to Our Lord so as to give Him pleasure. This is Our Lady's reply.

What pleases My Son most is love and humility--so write:

"O sweet and dearly loved Jesus, wert Thou not my Saviour, I should not dare to come to Thee, but Thou art both my Saviour and my Bridegroom, and Thy Heart loves me with the most tender and burning love, as no other Heart can love. Would that I could correspond with this love of Thine for me. Would htat I had for Thee, who art my only love, all the ardour of the seraphim, the purity of the angels and virgins, the holiness of the Blessed who possess Thee and glorify Thee in Heaven.

"Were I able to offer thee all this, it would still be too little to honour Thy goodness and mercy. That is why I offer Thee my poor heart such as it is, with all its miseries, its weakness and good desires. Deign to purify it in the Blood of Thy Heart, to transform and inflame it Thyself with an ardent and pure love. Thus the poor creature that I am, who can do no good but is capable of every evil, will love and glorify Thee as do the seraphim who in heaven are consumed with adoring love.

"Lastly, I ask of Thee, O gentle Jesus, to give my heart the very sanctity ot Thy Heart, or rather to plunge it in Thy Divine Heart, that in it I may love and serve and glorify Thee, and lose myself in Thee for all eternity. I beg this same grace for all those whom I love. May they render Thee for me the glory and honour of which my sins have deprived Thee."

This is Josefa's prayer told her to say over and over againwhile at work:

"Oh my Beloved, who are also my God, make my heart a flame of pure love for Thee."

Holy Mother told her to say these words every evening before she fell asleep, saying the prayer with much respect and confidence:

"O Thou who knewest all my misery before Thine eyes were fixed on me--Thou didst not turn away from my wretchedness, but because of it Thou didst love me with a love mroe sweet and tender. I beg pardon for having corresponded so little to Thy love...I beg of Thee to forgive me, and to purify my actions in Thy Divine Blood. I am deeply grieved at having offended Thee, because Thou art infintiely holy. I repent with heartfelt sorry and I promise to do all in my power to avoid these faults in the future."

These are the words that Jesus told Josefa that she could say to His Mother that would please her:

"O Tender and loving Mother, most prudent Virgin, Mother of my Redeemer, I come to salute you today with all the love that a child can feel for its mother.

"Yes, I am indeed your child, and beause I am so helpless I will take the fervour of the Heart of your Divine Son; with Him I will salute you as the purest of creatures, for you were framed according to the wishes and desires of the thrice-holy God.

"Conceived without sin, exempt from all corruption, you were ever faithful to the impulses of grace, and so your soul accumlated such merit that it was raised above all other creatures.

"Chosen to be the Mother of Jesus Christ, you kept Him as in a most pure sanctuary, and he who came to give life to souls, Himself took life from you, and received nourishment from you.

"O incomparable Virgin! Immaculate Virgin! Delight of the Blessed Trinity, admiration of all angels and saints, you are the joy of heaven. Morning Star, Rose blossoming in springtime, Immaculate Lily, tall and graceful Iris, sweet-smelling Violet, Garden enclosed kept for the delight of the King of heaven...you are my Mother, Virgin most prudent, Ark most precious containing every virtue! You are my Mother, most powerful Virgin, Virgin clement and faithful! You are my Mother, O Refuge of sinners! I salute you and rejoice at the sight of the gifts bestowed on you by the Almight, and of the prerogatives with which He has crowned you!

"Be blessed and praised, Mother of my Redeemer, Mother of poor sinners! Have pity on us and cover us with your motherly protection.

"I salute you in the name of all men, of all saints and all angels.

"Would that I could love you with the love and fire of the seraphim, and as this is too little to satisfy my desires, I salute and love you by your Divine Son who is my Father, my Redeemer, my Saviour, and my Beloved.

"I salute you with the purity of the Holy Spirit and the sanctity of the adorable Trinity. Through these Divine Persons I bless you and desire to render you filial homage constant and pure for all eternity.

"O incomparable Virgin, bless me, since I am your child. Bless all men! Protect themand pray for them to Him who is almight and can refuse you nothing.

"Adieu, tender and sweet Mother; day and night I salute you, in time and for eternity."

Jesus then told Josefa, "Now, Josefa, praise the Mohter with the words of the Son, and the Son with those of His Mother."

"Never," said Josefa, "had I seen His Heart so resplendent, nor heard in His voice such burning enthusiasm."

---------------------------

The hermit for awhile, prayed these prayers, took them to Mass, and prayed them before going to bed. This was several years ago. Then the hermit realized that perhaps Jesus and His Mother would like the hermit to develop a relationship so close and loving, that the hermit would learn to consider Jesus and His Mother in terms within the hermit's time period--that into our hearts are given ways to honor and love Jesus and Mary and the Holy Trinity, in just the intimate words that He gives us within. And sometimes these words and prayers come spontaneously or from others. There is no need to reinvent or improve upon what these mystics and saints have been taught to say.

So one may pray the prayers they were given, or one can pray spontaneously, or even very simply, "I love You."

One may be vigilant as to prayers Jesus and Mary give us through others. A humble monk (Brother Rene) gave me a prayer to pray that he said would bring joy. It has taken three years, but there is joy now, a quiet, unassuming, unnoticeable-to-others-joy. This prayer is from the Raccolta: Heart of Jesus, Victim of Love, vouchsafe that I become a living, holy, pleasing holocaust in Thy Sight."

The hermit repeats this often. Also there are some prayers the hermit prays during Mass, but not many, and not always. Some came from St. Louis de Montfort; another came from the spiritual da, but he couldn't recall from where he got it.

One prayer Jesus gave the hermit before Confirmation, a few weeks prior: "O Jesus, let me die to myself in Thy Arms and be reborn of Your Sacred Heart, in love." Someone told me that it wasn't right to just have the love part, so I added on: "in love and service." Later I changed it back to that which was given me to pray, for to love begets service, even if it is the hidden service of suffering and prayer.

Perhaps if we were stilled enough, and asked, Jesus and Mary would indeed give us the very prayers that They desire us to intimately pray, for God deals with us lovingly, individually, with all the time He possesses, as if we were the only delights of His Creation! Of course, we are not; we are but small nothings created to glorify Him exclusively; but He grants us the ways in which He desires us to glorify Him and to honor His Mother.

But He also gives us various prayers and acclamations, for those of us who might not ask or who are pleased to pray what He--and often His Mother--have told others to pray. Nothing wrong with praying beautiful prayers given to holy souls such as Sister Josefa Menendez....or the three little children of Fatima...or the little prayers that grow and blossom in our simple souls.

Sister Josefa Menendez's 84th Anniversary of Passing

2007-12-29T18:48:00.000-08:00

Sr. Josefa Menendez, mystic and victim soul, died 84 years ago today. The hermit appreciates this woman who was very much a kind of hermit within her religious community. She was a Spanish young woman who was sent to a house in France, and she did not speak the language. There she received visits from Mother Sophia Barat (foundress) and from the Virgin Mary and from Jesus. They all taught her how to suffer for Jesus, how to be a victim soul for the Sacred Heart.

Each year on this day, since Dec. 29, 2000, the hermit has renewed the vow of consecration to the eremitical life. This evening, after Mass, the hermit's regular confessor (who happened to be the celebrant, thanks be to God, for he is aware of the hermit's vocation), received the renewal of the vow, the hermit on knees before the rector, who stood before the altar. It took but two minutes or so, and he laid hands on the hermit's head and gave a blessing and said he received the promises made.

The hermit had been prepared that he might not even receive the renewal of vows. Who knows? One must remain detached, always, and open to the surprises of Our Lord. It cheered the hermit's heart to hear that he referred to this renewal as promises made. The two elderly people yet in the Cathedral had even gone their way, so the renewal was extremely private. And promises made--what a beautiful phrase!

The hermit did comment that last night there had been a nightmare of sorts--for the hermit--in which the hermit was shown to be very hypocritical and not living the life interiorly, or in having the life in loving order but rather being superficial in living the hermit life! The Rector smiled; the hermit exclaimed it was quite a nightmare and not doubt a means of God prodding the hermit to do better.

So thanks be to God that today is Sr. Josefa Menendez's date of passing from this world into that of the Holy Mountaintop, into the consuming fire where God Is--and her soul is melted into His Eternal Love. Thanks be to God that the hermit could renew "the promises made", in such humble and brief circumstance, but with major import, for God expects more of the hermit now, and a renewal of effort by the hermit, and to honor Sr. Josefa by increased effort in this hidden life of stricter separation from the world, celibacy and chastity, poverty of body, mind and soul, and obedience to the Church and to the spiritual fathers guiding this hermit's soul. As for assiduous prayer and penance, and bodily poverty--the hermit mentioned concern to the priest: the hermit lives a life of much comfort and has not done assiduous penance, not much at all lately. He said to let God handle that--that He will send penances soon enough and for the hermit to not go looking for them.

Well, the hermit then remembered the major suffering in the early morning hours, and of the awful dream, convicting the hermit of scandalous hypocrisy (dreams have a way of exaggerating to add to the shame and make the mark to be remembered vividly!).

Prayers of love and friendship, of asking for assistance in living a more hidden life and one of greater humility, penance, prayer and austerity have been offered several times today, speaking to Sr. Josefa directly. The hermit thanks God for her, and for what she wrote which is compiled in a book called The Way of Divine Love. The hermit has typed out two prayers that she used to offer, one to Jesus and one to Mary. Tomorrow, the hermit will repeat these prayers in a kind of "across the borderlines" unity with the dearest friend a hermit could have.

This afternoon the hermit spoke on the phone with the spiritual da/anam cara. The question of writing on a public type forum such as a blog--and admittedly writing just simple, personal daily thoughts and activities and not at all polished or intellectually astute to enlighten others--was a question the hermit posed. He said of course the hermit must continue, and primarily because it was a very good exercise for the hermit to work this vocation out in writing, as it unfolds. If it is of benefit to others, then good; and if there is controversy, that is to be expected. If others misunderstand what is expressed, that is part of baring one's soul. If the hermit shows its own faults and sins, then that is good, too, for humility and to learn and grow.

Earlier, the priest at noon Mass, when asked if writing a blog, albeit anonymously, is proper for the hermit, that priest said that of course it was, for it utilized today's technology to chronicle a form of life and might be of interest to a few others.

So, the hermit will continue, and will do as the confessor had said a few days ago, to strive to write in generalities if it is something that could seem to offend others, even if not intending to. The hermit today told the spiritual da that the hermit has been begging St. John to teach the hermit to write like him! But, of course, that is reaching to the skies where the Eagle soars; and the hermit is a nearly dead gray mouse or a weak-winged cabbage butterfly, flopping along pretty close to the ground--yet desirous of doing all for God that such a creature could possible do.

Who of Us Can Live with the Consuming Fire?

2007-12-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

Who of us can live with the everlasting flames?

From Isaiah 33 come more descriptors of living a holy life, of who can dwell on the heights.

He who practices virtue and speaks honestly,
who spurns what is gained by oppression,
brushing his hands
free of contact with a bribe, stopping his ears lest he hear of bloodshed,
closing his eyes lest he look on evil.

He shall dwell on the heights,
his stronghold shall be the rocky fastness,
his food and drink in steady supply.

Then from Psalm 101 are the avowal of a good leader who sings to the Lord, who walks in the way of perfection. What does he vow?

To walk with blameless heart; not set whatever is base before his eyes;
hate the ways of the crooked and not have them be friends;
disown the wicked and keep the false-hearted far away;
bring to silence the man who slanders his neighbor in secret [ah, detraction!];
never to endure a man of proud looks and haughty heart;
accept not into close range one who practices deceit--and no one who lies.

The faithful may dwell within; those who walk in the way of perfection shall be friends.
Each morning the wicked shall be silenced; those who do evil shall be uprooted.

My oh my. The hermit has desired to put these in print ever since reading them last week in the Morning Prayers. Perhaps the reason the hermit writes at all is because reading and speaking tend to solidify within the soul when also written and then viewed with the eyes and pondered with the eyes of the soul.

At one level, the wicked and those who do evil could very well be one's vices. The virtues could be one's friends: the faithful in the land of the soul.

The hermit dares nest within the Sacred Heart, and is not able to live there, not really, but to nest there and be burned by the consuming fire. The very dreams convict the soul and bring to surface the pitch, causing the faults to burn all the more intensely. Then the day begins with more steps up the holy mountain: not near the summit, but burning along the way upward.

What the Carthusian writes in the book on the interior life is so true. God created us to glorify Him; He created all else to be of assistance to all else, to glorify Him--the good experiences, the negative ones, all people, animals, nature, thoughts, words--all of His creation is to be utilized to help the soul glorify God.

This takes mindfulness, of not having many distractions, of living a rule of life, of eating the Body and and drinking the Blood of Christ, for His food and drink are in steady supply.

It takes courage to keep all the negatives out of one's house--the house of body and the house of soul.

The hermit was trying to explain to someone who was irritated with a phone call and responded for that person to call back after he had accomplished what might happen. Wanted to be called when it actually did happen. Here is an example of how one can stop to consider how God desires us to glorify Him through an annoying phone call. The person could tell the one calling that prayers would be offered so that what he hoped would be accomplished would in fact come to fruition. In that way, God is glorified because a trifling phone call becomes one of prayer: the person receiving the call promises to pray for the good of the other, and the other is reminded that prayer is important in our daily aspirations and goals. Really, the prayers' outcomes do not matter as much as the turning of the negative reaction to a good, for all concerned, means glorifying God through goodness and prayer.

In this call as well as one other, the hermit listened to detraction. The hermit is praying and striving to become more aware of the hermit's complicity in detraction and also in downright detracting. These evildoers (the vices) must be rooted out! In both calls, the hermit said it would pray for those involved; and the hermit did pray and pray and pray, off and on in the day and night. The prayer of specifics became broadened to include like siituations of the past and those that would occur in the future--for God's realm is timeless. Prayer moves into His realm and thus is timeless and can be utlized by God in that sphere of everlasting love.

The hermit had a dream of being hypocritical, of doing a wrong beneath the surface, knowing it, but not enough fortitude to cease. The hermit is not in fact involved in the example within the dream, but perhaps the hermit sees another application, and it has to do with once more settling down to the vocation, to greater simplicity and selflessness. The hermit does know that God will give the fortitude, that it is simple enough to cease complexity and a certain lack in discipline in a surface area. Does the hermit exhibit proud looks?

The hermit is also praying about the writing. It is not concise particularly, and just the ramblings of a hermit soul's daily rumblings and stumblings. Perhaps a public venue is not best for the hermit. The hermit shall ask yet another "hermit question" of the spiritual da and of the confessor. The writing could be poured out in a private journal. And long-hand would certainly train the hermit to brevity!

Motives of the Heart

2007-12-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

It is not easy to discern one's motives. Reading writings of a journal can be viewed from various perceptions, and even more so when the writer is not known by others but yet has a hard enough time knowing the self! However, the process is very beneficial, is personal, and thus it is humbling; on occasion (but rare) the writer re-reads an entry, and yes, it could seem (and maybe so) that pride is dripping from the nonpages--and not coated with self-renunciation.

The hermit has begun reading an old book titled Self-renunciation. It is by an Abbe Guillore. Too soon to chatter about the contents; and too soon to have much soull-shaping effects.

However, someone left a comment asking a question about suffering. I have been praying about this topic, for it has to do with praying and asking for suffering, as opposed to praying for God's will and accepting the suffering that comes--come as it will and does! So I share thoughts; the hermit-victimsoul shares thoughts.

The commenter writes that she prays for God's will and wonders if praying for suffering somehow crosses the line--for God does answer our prayers. My thoughts (and I have prayed that I learn to write from within the Sacred Heart and withing what would be Jesus' thinking) are that motive of the heart moves within the soul. The soul consists of the intellect and the will, and the these are also affected by imagination (includes memory) and emotion and senses. (This comes from St. John of the Cross' explanation of the soul.)

A person may pray to do God's will, but it could be a prayer such as: Do with me what You will; or, Use me however You want. Then God answers, but it seems He answers best when the motive is genuine. Sometimes the prayer has strings attached that only the heart knows, and sometimes the senses, the emotions, the imagination and intellect can sort of cloud the will and the love from the heart, thus graying the motive. One can sort of tell when the prayer is, as is said: heartfelt.

Yet, sometimes, in certain circumstances, souls have prayed for suffering. Why? Well, that surely must be answered within their own souls and the hearts' motives.
It could be well-intentioned and full of a kind of love, but perhaps that love is not pure--contains senses and emotion and imagination. None of these are bad; but they do tend to get in the way of a pure motive. Pure motives are not easy, and I wonder if a pure motive can be pre-meditated? It seems that purity comes as a grace and is more spontaneous. It seems that in these cases, the souls that pray for suffering do so from some kind of known or unseen invitation within the soul and the heart, from Jesus.

It can come in ways such as with mystics and saints to whom Jesus appears (like Sr. Josefa Menedez and several other victim souls)--and visibly and orally and literally invites them to suffer with and for Him, to assist in the great work of on-going reparation for the sins of the world. Could it be that the Blessed Virgin Mary was a victim soul, perhaps the first--who was asked to bear the Messiah and was also told part of her mission would include a sword piercing her own soul? I rather think so. (Again, I share thoughts and am not a theologian or authority of any kind, in anything! Even my hermit life is not complete, nor is my victimsoulhood complete; all is in process.)

The invitation to suffer with and for Jesus may also not be so direct. It could come in a dream or flashing, a waking image of being held up to Christ's wounded side, with blood flowing into the ear, and being told: Listen to my Blood! It could come with enough repeated sufferings and a kind of training in suffering, over a period of time. It could be as if Jesus is saying: Get with the program!--or asking: Do I have to spell it out for you and appear in person? Do you make me go to that extent for you to see that I desire you as my victim of suffering and of love?

Or, as I share on the other blog about victim souls, the suffering can be intermittent and not so formalized a situation; and while to be offered to Jesus in His work of reparation, it also and maybe more so, is given to a particular soul for that soul's spiritual progression and purtification. In either case, the soul is trained, purged, purified.

The soul who asks Jesus to allow that soul to suffer, usually does so with loving motives. Jesus knows; and with those whose motives are not so pure (even if that soul cannot see it), the prayer would not be granted, or it seems, if granted in a small manner, would always be in order for that soul to learn from Him (for He is meek and humble of Heart). The soul might learn that it cannot well endure the Cup that was given it to drink! Or, the soul might learn that its motives were acceptable to Jesus; and the life as a victim soul of the Sacred Heart of Jesus commences. It all takes much faith!

The saints often prayed to suffer. I suppose of those souls who prayed to suffer with the wrong motives, we do not read about--perhaps they were not granted the task because simply it was not God's will that they have that particular vocation.
For them, they are granted the usual sufferings that all humans will experience, highlighted by death.

Surely it is from a very deep and real and intense love of God from which the fountain spurts in a soul's heart, beseeching Jesus, for love of Him, to allow the soul to be so intimately united with Him as to suffer through, with and in Him. It is all done with and by Love: much Love--and a kind of innocence of motive. And that is what is so difficult for even the stated soul to know for sure. But the odds are better if the soul cries out this desire and is then rather surprised that it did so. Or sometimes the cry for suffering comes at a deep point of anguish over some situation in this world, and the soul is given light to see that it desires to help Jesus in any way possible: to alleviate His on-going sufferings, to participate with Him as what becomes the reality as the only way for that soul to help. This is all very mystical, of course.

I personally think that it is all right for a person to ask for suffering, to pray for this, if the motives are of love and not of wanting to tinker with phenomenon or to "sit at the right or the left" in Christ's Kingdom, so to speak. Then He asks, "Can you drink of the chalice I will give you?"

Jesus is merciful, and so when a soul asks to suffer, He knows the motives even if the soul does not; and maybe it does not matter so much if the soul knows. Jesus will answer as He knows best, just as He did for the apostles.

In that sense, the suffering that the friend (as example in the comment) prayed for, did come from God. It was the cup offered with the question, "Can you drink this?" Evidently the friend did drink it. Whether or not the friend benefitted from the loving potion of pain, and whether or not the friend offered all suffering for Jesus and thanked Him for personal lessons learned--even if it was that the soul was not so ready or able to suffer, after all--is between that soul and God.

Yes, I think it would be a lovely world now and hereafter, if everyone asked Jesus with loving desires and motives, to be able to suffer through, with and in Him. At this point, though, much of the world cannot comprehend the value of suffering, for that value is found to be within Christ's suffering and mission of salvation. To lovingly perceive suffering as meritorious, then, would be for a rather agnostic or even atheistic segment of the population to perceive Jesus Crucified, which would require admitting to our sinful natures and that Jesus died out of love for us in order to make reparation for our sins, to SAVE US eternally.

Our end is to glorify God. The reason God created souls to begin with is so that we could glorify Him. Other souls are created and all creation is created in order to glorify God and to help us to help one another (even through what might seem negative experiences) to glorify God.

We can offer our sufferings after the fact, or we can be prepared in advance. We can ask to suffer, but then we must be willing to drink that cup He gives. Part of the cup includes doubts and humbling failures, for we might not suffer so well as we think we can or would like. Also, the suffering might come once, and that is it. The devil does get involved against souls who with loving motives desire to suffer through, with and in Christ for love of Him and for love of souls. As a vocation, it is not so glorious for the self; it means pain, and that pain can come in all kinds of unexpected packages.

If a person does not ask to suffer but rather prays for God's will, that is all right. If a person has a nudge to ask for suffer but does not, that might not be so dandy. If a soul prays for suffering but is not ready or has the wrong motive, our Merciful Jesus will sort it all out and handle that soul accordingly. The soul might simply be given some suffering, and then perhaps if there was some genuine desire in the prayer, be given more training in suffering, and brought into the work full-time.

St. Catherine de Ricci, mystic and victim soul of the 16th century (Florence, Italy) and of the same era as St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi (also a victim soul and mystic) had the exterior stigmata and suffered each Thursday night through Friday, the passion of Jesus. This went on for a few years, but it became more a disruption to others, so she prayed for it to stop, and it did. The outer signs of suffering sometimes appeal to souls, and although they did not at all to this saint, there have been known to be false mystics and false stigmatists--hysterical ones who even then may be well-intentioned. In these, the devil uses them.

God always brings good, no matter what. Even the false ones are good reminders that the spiritual realm and even suffering, require on-going discernment, prayer, practice, and suffering. For the false mystics we read about, do indeed suffer; and often their greatest suffering is eventually admitting or coming to the awareness that their desire to suffer might have been from impure motives, from selfish desire to gain attention, or just some aspect of their highly emotive, undisciplined nature.

I will share that over 23 years ago, I distinctly recall praying that God just use me however He desired. Circumstances in my life--something within me--seemed to not be right, and I came to a very simple, quiet point and at night remember praying that he just use me as He wanted. No big deal. Two weeks later, my life was turned upside down. It has been a gradual process of learning about suffering, which of course led me into the Cathoic Church, for that is what God willed, and then into the vocation as victim soul first, and now hermit, as God wills this hidden hermit life to be very beneficial in suffering for love of Him. At one point my deeper desires of my heart had at times come to a love of souls enough and a love of Jesus's mission--to desire to suffer more; so I prayed for that. And then I, through discussions with my spiritual director, was nudged to make a more formal vow of consecration of suffering. This I renew each year on the Feast of St. Pio. Each year, Jesus answers in ways I never anticipated. The suffering usually catches me (no, always!) off-guard, and I suffer like a fool. That makes the suffering even better, for I suffer poorly. I'm sure there have been times that I may have asked in love and for love of Him, to suffer, that He did not give me suffering. Yes, I can think of some instances, or at least it didn't seem that I suffered as I asked. One was just this fall, for I offered to go blind in exchange for a fairly young priest to return to his vocation as a priest, to have his eyes opened from his being swept off his feet by an older woman. I have not gone blind; he has not returned. God knows I meant good and not to inconvenience others had I gone bling! Yet, perhaps Jesus in His wisdom is having me suffer in ways I do not know about being particularly linked; or perhaps he is utilizing others who have offered and asked to suffer for whatever Jesus desires. He may be using their suffering in this particular case of the priest and the woman. (The woman needs reparation, too, after all. And don't we all?)

Always, the suffering in Christ for others includes the on-going work of reparation for one's own sins. Sometimes maybe that is the main work going on through our own suffering!

This is more thoughts than what the commenter probably needed or wanted, and I doubt they make much sense or are grossly repetitive. Again, the hermit reminds itself that this is very much a personal revealing of a very imperfect soul, imperfectly chronicling its bumpy journey of loving the Most Holy Trinity, and all.

The Hermit Dislodges Detraction Once Again

2007-12-27T05:35:00.000-08:00

Of course, it is the Holy Spirit who does the dislodging, but the hermit cooperates as best a mortal can. Detraction is so tricky.

Today is the Feast of St. John the Apostle, the beloved disciple and quite the mystical writer. He is the only apostle who did not die a martyr's death (although endured much persecution, exile, and the trials of old age). The hermit prayed at Mass, asking St. John to please help the hermit with what is written--to have what is written and spoken come from within the Sacred Heart--that Heart upon which St. John leaned his head and listened to the Loving Heart Beat.

Thankfully, my regular confessor celebrated the Mass and heard confessions after. The hermit had more questions about detraction and went over a recent stimulating interchange of thoughts from a commenter to this blog site. The confessor made some clarifications on detraction. He said that Jesus spoke in generalities of what the Pharisees and Sadducees were doing, and although they felt it was about them, it was to help others to learn and to not be led astray. So he said on a public forum, it is best to write in generalities.

However, if someone is leading others astray through incorrect teaching or writing or speaking, then the person needs to be corrected; that would not be detraction. Jesus was trying to correct incorrect behavior and teachings.

Yet, again, he said that it is best to write or speak in generalities, and the hermit realized and confessed that there were descriptors used, and thus it surely went over the line into detraction--a kind of imbedded detraction. The example the confessor gave was to write in general, that we should not use a label of the Church, such as of a consecrated religious name, if we are not in an approved religious community or have left it. He said that, however, if others have corrected or challenged in a public forum or even privately, there is no need to jump on the band wagon.

The next issue was that of envy. The hermit submitted that perhaps there was envy that the hermit could not see within self, but was it there? The confessor said that this is not a particular cross for the hermit, but that others may have that one--and the hermit chimed in that the hermit has these other faults, yes! The confessor pointed out that one must not confess a vice that one does not possess. But that it is good to examine oneself if another--(he said even if someone who does not know the person interiorly)--accuses; good may be culled, all the same.

We moved onto the topic of, if there is not envy, then does being content with one's state in life mean the person is proud? The confessor said, no, that this is a grace and to be thankful. However, the hermit (and the confessor) know that the hermit does have pride and like a whale underwater, spouts visibly from time to time.

[The spiritual da at one point told the hermit that it is one thing to practice virtues, but the soul that seeks union with God must practice virtue to an heroic degree. This means going beyond in effort, in seeking the least and doing the most to our God-given abilities.]

In the confessional, the hermit gained greater appreciation for the innerworkings of the sin of detraction and how to avoid even the subtle aspects. Later, when the cousin called, we had a very good discussion about detraction. We each shared examples of when we had detracted, and how we could re-word or re-think the words or thoughts, or stifle them altogether. The hermit pointed out again, when asked, that detraction is the taking away of someone's essence or value by revealing their faults or weaknesses to another. Yes, it might be true, but it has lessened that person in the sight and mind of others. But, if that person is leading others astray, then that person should be corrected, and that would not be detraction. Usually the correction can be done privately with the person leading others astray; if not, it can be done publicly, but in a very general way of explaining how something should be done correctly.

Yes, the hermit is set aright again, thanks be to God and His Sacrament of Penance! The confessor gave a very meaningful penance, and the hermit prays for what was suggested. It will only improve the sharing, the writing, the loving hope for all our souls on the narrow path!

In leaving the confessional, the hermit asked permission for a "hermit question". Yes. Is it not a hermit task to be a lector? Is that too visible, too public? (The spiritual da had thought it a very good job for the hermit, especially since no one but the rector and another priest there knows the hermit is a hermit.) The confessor felt this a fine offering of the hermit, as the hermit only lectors one weekday Mass per week, and anonymity is not at stake. It was stated that he desires those who comprehend the Word of God and are able to read so that others can hear clearly.

The hermit may be dislodging, by the grace of God and power of the Holy Spirit--detraction many more times. But each dislodging with confession, strengthens the will and sharpens the intellect against this yapping sin.

A hermit of yore wrote: Go into your cell, and your cell will teach you. There is good in this, and the hermit is in Agnus Dei, awaiting in the silence on a cold, snowy day, further instruction.

Hermit Correspondence

2007-12-26T18:09:00.000-08:00

The hermit corresponds on e-mail some, not much. There is the usual daily message exchanged with a Catholic friend who lives but miles away, yet suffers from some mental illness; so we both stay close to home for differing reasons. Then there is the occasional message from a relative, and a few other messages of a spiritual nature, here and there.

Today, on the Feast of St. Stephen, the hermit prayed for some people named Stephen or Steven. Another task was to mail two paperbacks sold on-line, as the hermit continues to try to put all in the hermitage in loving order (detachment), and this includes using up food items and ridding out books unnecessary and already read. If there is someone to gift them to, then fine; otherwise, selling at reduced price at least gets them out there and being read by others. There are always such lovely opportunities for encounter with the postal clerk as well as an encouraging e-mail to the book buyer.

Sometimes the hermit mails letters. This day the Christ Mass letter was readied for mailing. The process will continue tomorrow, as well. Within the letter, the hermit quoted another beautiful passage written by A Carthusian:

Where will this letter find you, I wonder? It matters little. My prayers, by way of God, know indeed how to reach you each day, and that suffices.

We strive to go out of this mortal frame of ours, which is bounded and limited by space. But however beautiful this frame may be, our soul, greater still, passes far, far beyond it to its own sphere, which is the infinite.

"Nothing is so calm as living"....Try to rest more and more, then, in that detachment from all that is ephemeral, and [rest] in that union with the Divine Will which is abiding.

The hermit thought this appropriate to share, connecting these sentiments with the gratitude of rest, of the gift of time to be able to practice the Nine S', and in this way, sharing the rule of life which is being practiced and is not by any means close to being perfected. Perhaps what the hermit writes will be helpful, as many of the friends and family members are older now--aging, and most if not all who will receive the Christ Mass Day letter are non-Catholics.

Of course, there is mention of the fruit of these person's efforts in helping the hermit rear the children into adulthood and independence; the hermit is grateful and expresses this loving appreciation.

No where in the correspondence is mention of the h-word. The hermit mentions a life of daily Mass, prayer, spiritual reading, writing, gardening or household tasks, and usually a daily errand and loving contacts with e-mail and occasional phone visitors. But to mention the hermit life per se would only distress the recipients of the letter, and once more, the hermit repeats the h-word to the hermit, mostly, as a means of full acceptance and reminder of the vocation.

The hermit dropped off one blog from the writing schedule; now no one who knows the hermit or who the hermit knows, knows of the blog sites. A niece asked in an e-mail, but the hermit distracted the question by caring about the niece's blog about her young family. This niece, a Mormon, would not comprehend the life of a religious solitary or that of victim soul.

In other hermit correspondence, the focus is on God, on spiritual life, and that also means Catholic life, for it is in the Church that we have the opportunity for full spiritual growth and life.

In a way, the infrequent phone calls (one today from a man who is struggling with an affliction but is remaining strong against trial; one from the cousin who likes to check in; and one from the hermit to the insurance agent--but even that had its spiritual note) are like correspondence but require practiced focus to listen to the other yet to maintain the spiritual focus not only in listening but in inserting the spiritual by drawing the spiritual view from all that is spoken. In time, those who call for a phone visit will know what to expect in content, for aspects of God will find their way into any topic. It is fun to practice this means of corresponding verbally, and the hermit accepts many errors but keeps practicing. The focus must be all for God, in all conversation and correspondence.

In some ways, this practice has reduced the number of contacts, for many people do not like it. Since the hermit has practiced not discussing "therapeutic needs", the conversations and correspondence have become all the more flavored with focus on God. This practice benefits the hermit more than the recipients, so it is a selfish thing in some ways, but the purpose is to glorify God. Discussing situations and people within those situations, remains a challenge.

While Jesus used people as examples and riled the Sadducees and Pharisees, His purpose was to teach others how to be or not to be; He pointed out wrongs, and the people knew who He meant, but He did so without using names or being specific. But yet, His point was to teach how we are to live by means of example and parable using real life situations--and people, too.

It is perhaps better for a mere mortal to practice conversing and corresponding omnia pro Deo and use as few examples or situations as possible, except with a confessor or trusted confidante if specifics are necessary. Usually, one can get the gist across by being vague. It is best in correspondence to write of the idea, the thought, the spiritual truth, and to glorify God by highlighting life as reflected through, with and in Him: to write from within His Sacred Heart.

What does He see and think to write about? How does He express His ideas? How does He make suggestions and encouragements? How does He show gratitude and also challenge?

Christ's way of conversing and corresponding (for they are linked one to another) must permeate the hermit as genderless soul, in nothingness, but corresponding and conversing from His Heart.

Christ's Mass Day: the Complete Hermit Celebrates

2007-12-25T17:26:00.000-08:00

How does a complete hermit celebrate the Feast of Christ's Mass?

Much depends upon the degree to which the complete hermit acquiesces to God, His will--and to what Christ Mass Day brings from within the Sacred Heart of Christ. And that degree is really not known to the hermit.

However, on the day of Christ's Mass Eve, the hermit went to 8 a.m. Mass, and then ran yet another errand (they will end at death!), and then back to noon Mass, for there were to be confessions following, and it seemed somehow just the thing to pray with the priest and the people of God once more, and to thank Jesus once more for His receiving this soul and allowing it to nest in His Heart.

The hermit went to confession, which is like being within Christ's Heart and within His Heart, again within His Heart once more, as if nesting within nesting. Then not sure what after, for there was praying the penance and pondering--and returning to Agnus Dei, and writing and doing a little editing, and then waiting, waiting, waiting for Midnight Mass! There was a phone call within that waiting, and that was lovely. The hermit realizes that in our time, it is the phone calls and e-mails which constitute the "visitors."

For dinner the hermit ate beet greens, simmered in vegetable broth.

Midnight Mass: description runs similar to that of what it is inside the Sacred Heart. There really is not adequate description. Perhaps "Gloria in excelcis Deo" comes closest, if words make attempt. The Bishop had a homily more forceful, eloquent, refreshed and hopeful than ever before; but this is only because Masses build one upon the other, as in crescendo of glorias. Every aspect of the Mass is more, more, more and better, better, better. This is because the Mass is the closest to Heaven that we will experience on earth. Love encounters Love, and through Love, dies and rises within, and receives imperfect love into perfect Love.

The hermit drove to Agnus Dei at 2:30 a.m. and opened the large gift from the Spiritual Da, and sipped a thimbleful of Chartreuse (liqueur made by the Carthusians since 1605, utilizing 130 herbs). A thimbleful is enough to encourage physical resting. What did the Spiritual Da give the hermit? Out of a thin, flat box shown the gilt frame encasing Pope Benedict XVI's photograph! Not a small photograph, but a large one framed professionally, and worthy of a Cathedral vestibule or Chauncery office! The hermit laughed aloud and toasted our Holy Father with the Chartreuse, and said, "I must surely be an authentic Catholic now!" The hermit is bonding with the photo, and it is standing up against the hermit's coffin here in Agnus Dei's great (small) room. The hermit laughs because just a week or so ago came the chastizing e-mail from the Protestant woman who was "horrified" by the hermit's mentioning of adoring Mary and feeling close to her--as if adoring someone or something contains only one sense of the word, such as godly worship. I suppose a complete hermit ought hang the huge portrait of the Holy Father on some remaining wall space, if some can be found, and to pray for his intentions daily. Yes, there is a reason why Pope Benedict XVI is smiling gently at me right now. He has given himself to Holy Mother Church, and also must the hermit follow his lead, day in and night out, living the Nine S' here while the Pope lives his rule of life in the Vatican and all around the world.

The hermit was awakened Christ Mass morn, early, with a phone call from an adult daughter. All the adult children and their families are visiting the other parent and (re-married) spouse in a distant locale. Later, another call came; they are having a good visit, and the hermit is thankful, pleased, and yet very amazed at just how pleased and freeing this development is, from within the Sacred Heart. Peace and joy in even this otherwise past sorrowful occurrence of events.

Then some hot coffee and a treat of stollen, purchased on clearance. Then a hot bath to ease some pain, and off to 11:30 a.m. Christ's Mass. Yes, all Masses are Christ's. The Rector spoke about Christ's Mass. He spoke about much good that benefitted the hermit from within Christ's Sacred Heart, at His Mass. Gloria in excelsis Deo, again: this describes Christ's Mass.

A couple sat behind the hermit, and they were not Catholic, and asked the hermit some questions toward the earthly conclusion of Christ's never-ending Mass. Then we spoke after, for some time, as they each attend denominations that the hermit had attended BC (before being Catholic, before Conversion, before Confirmation as a Catholic). The man spoke loudly, and they both asked questions and showed themselves to be very on fire for the Lord. Yet, as the hermit knows from having been in their Protestant shoes, what they know is but a smidgeon of an immensity that Catholicism could open to their eyes if they chose to enter in--yes, to be received into the Sacred Heart. They wanted the hermit to join them for lunch, but the hermit declined. Yet, they want to get together again, to talk, and the man is convinced that the reason we met and spoke is for him to help the hermit with some perceived insurance need; but the real reason is for the hermit to simply invite them to become Catholics, to let them know that they could go to RCIA to learn more, and that their souls would very much go onto the next rung of the ladder, and would progress rapidly rung after run, if they could allow the curtain to be drawn open and the full stage revealed.

There really isn't anything other that the hermit could discuss with them, than this invitation. Did Jesus go on and on and beg people to comprehend? He said, "Eat my Body; drink my Blood; if you do you will have eternal life; if you do not, you will not have life." Some stuck with Him; others left thinking He was crazy or not willing to follow Him. It is like that in the Church, the Catholic Church, for there is a commitment. Even those who grow lax in their commitment, at some point made that commitment, and can return to an intense degree of honoring it, any time they choose. Yes, we do have so many choices that God allows us to make!

The man spoke so forcefully, that the hermit needed quiet and prayer in the Cathedral, alone, following their departure. By then, everyone had long since left, and the hermit was alone with the Most Blessed Trinity, with the angels and saints, and with all the souls of Catholics who for a century and a half had celebrated Christ's Mass on that very ground. Kneeling at the manger, praying the Morning Office in front of Mary, Joseph and the Baby within Whose Infant Heart-Made-Sacred, the hermit nests--the hermit thanked God for all.

Back to Agnus Dei, a little editing, a little baking of holy day bread to eat, a salad with remaining avocado and cheese, and later two phone calls to elderlies. The hermit wrote from within the Sacred Heart, this year's Christ's Mass letter to family and friends.

Now, after a snack of herbed brie and crackers, and considering another thimbleful of Chartreuse, the hermit ponders afresh the penance which the priest yesterday suggested, and that of asking Jesus to allow me to be reborn in graces and virtues for His use and in God's will. At first the confessor suggested that I ask Jesus to come into my heart with these, but the hermit asked if it would be all right if, since the hermit is nesting within His Sacred Heart, and the perspective is no longer "I" or "my" but of being trained to see all from within Christ's Heart, that the request be of what He desires for me, in Him. The "me" is still not "us", for "me" is yet sooty snow. Much gratitude that He allows sooty snow in His Heart and will continue melting that snow by His touch, and washes the blackened grit out His wound.

Yes, there will be some spiritual reading, and pondering of some Scripture, but mostly it will be pondering into the night stillness, and gratitude, and the wonderment of His love.

The complete hermit will smile from within His Smile, and will be extra tiny from within His Baby Heart of Sacred Immensity on this night of Christ's Mass.

The Joke About the Complete Hermit

2007-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

Snow flies fast and furious at Agnus Dei on this Fourth Sunday of Advent. The complete hermit will need to leave a bit early for quiet reading in the Cathedral, prior to Sacristan duties, prior to Holy Mass.

The joke about the complete hermit is: the hermit is not complete at all. Nope.

Last week, after Mass, the hermit was remaining to to finish a biography of a saint. When the covers were closed, the hermit remained to pray and reflect on this holy woman's life, back in the 1500's, and how it is today, where she is, what she is about. A man and his wife came over to speak, and the man said, "It is all over!" (He meant the Mass, and he spread his arms out and up, as if to say, "Finished--!" with his whole being.)

The hermit smiled and said, "It is never over." The man did not hear, or did not listen.

And that is the way it is with the complete hermit. The hermit is never complete. Can't even imagine that in Heaven the hermit will ever be complete, will ever be over, will be finished. There will always be one more Alleluia or Gloria to sing, one more adoration, one more glorification of God Most High.

Inbetween now and eternity there is much incompletion.

So the hermit wants to remind anyone out there, if there is anyone reading, to read and to comprehend: it is never over. The hermit is never complete. That is the joke.

It only began when a friend a life-long Catholic, as so many Catholics and non-Catholics, did not comprehend what a hermit "is" and said this one could never be a "complete" hermit. So this term has been bandied about off and on. In one sense the hermit is "complete" as far as what is necessary within the Church. The hermit is approved as much as is necessary for this hermit, so that process is complete. The hermit has the rule of life, and that is complete.

Yet the living out of that rule is never over, not in this lifetime, and nesting within the Sacred Heart now, it will never be over. Eternity is like that. Eternity does not have a finish line.

There is no way possible for the hermit to follow just one snowflake whipping by Agnus Dei's windows, and see it to its final resting place. The process of the snowflake is incomplete, although many aspects of the snowflake may seem tangibly complete, whole and perfect--as much as possible for a snowflake. But to run its course--this cannot be complete because it transforms and modifies.

No, the hermit is not whole and perfect, yet in many aspects the hermit is not incomplete, either. Some aspects have been fulfilled, others will be, yet the perfection part of the definition of complete, is incomplete as a specific, solitary snowflake's whereabouts, right now.

Hope is Assaulted by the Devil

2007-12-20T06:39:00.000-08:00

The hermit has been praying for a young priest who has fallen in love and has taken a leave of absence. In weeks of e-mails, the "assignee" has not responded. Finally the hermit e-mailed and asked who is the real soul--and it was not like him to not respond at all, even if what the hermit wrote to him was not what he wants to read. The hermit also said that St. Veronica is being asked to hold her veil, imaging the Sacred Head of Jesus, to this man so that he can see and discern, if he is still discerning.

Thus it was with much joy that the hermit received a short e-mail in reply, finally, after many had gone ignored. Somehow, the hermit only read much hope in his words! In hope-filled ecstatic joy, the hermit told the VG there had been a reply and there was "much hope!" Then the hermit told the Bishop's secretary to please let the Bishop know that there was still "much hope" in this situation, for this priest has been a priest for eight years, and he is the Lord's anointed, but going against his destiny at this time.

Then, yesterday, the hermit re-read his message, and there was nothing in it to base hope, not at all! In fact, he wrote of wanting to stand before the Lord justified, but that he needed to do so with his personal desires met. He said that being a priest could bring much good to people, but it was not fulfilling his needs and he desires more intimacy that goes beyond what a priest is allowed.

The hermit wrote back about the agnostic friend, with a new boyfriend, both in their sixth decade of life, and of the joyful activities they are experiencing,which is good, but these parting words reacted to the hermit's incomprehensible life: To each, his own.

So the hermit shared that it is not thus, not the self-fulfillment or the personal pleasures to each his own, but rather it is "To God, His will!" And surely, to God's will, our will given. No, it is not about us or me, even though the world and the devils lurking about the world, would want this notion to take root.

Why did the hermit have such hope from the e-mail, when on the second reading, there seemed little to no hope? The hermit seemed, then, quite foolish, going around proclaiming there is still "much hope!"

Then...
During the night, there was a major attack by the devil. Four black crows were eating the lushness of some ripe grain, some wheat; and I came along and noticed them. Then they lay down, as if in a rectangular nest (laid out side by side as in a four-pack coffin) and acted as if they were dead, for they sensed I was going to disrupt their devouring the grain. I picked up a spade to do them in, and when I brought it down on them with blade edgewise to crush them--and just as it touched and I heard the start of a horrifying "crunch", they transformed into two people: a woman and a man.

They seemed practically like natives of some sort, and heathen. The woman stood on my left and held my left arm with one hand, seemingly in a light grasp. The man stood on the other side and prepared some razor wire (like a clear fishing line but razor), and he was going to tie it around my tongue. They told me what they were doing, the man mostly, but it wasn't like I heard precise words: they just told me. Then they were going to tie each of my arms to upright stakes or posts on either side, so that if I would try to speak, my tongue would be cut off, and still I would not escape.

My son had gone on before me, and I reasoned he would come back looking for me, and would find me tied like that, but not realize the razor wire was around my tongue; so I would not be able to warn him without cutting off my tongue. Then he would see that and the immense amount of blood that would flow, but more so, he would also be snared by the woman and the man--or so I thought would be the case.

I decided, just as the man was preparing to tie my tongue with the razor wire, that I could break free of the woman's grasp and escape. But when I tried, her grasp was so strong that it was like I had become stone, and could not move: totally immovable in a density of gravity that was horrifying. The woman remained calm and even had a slight smile.

Then I realized I must speak out before the man would tie my tongue (be tongue-tied!), and so I began proclaiming Jesus Christ as Lord of Lords, King of Kings and our Salvation. I repeated this over and over. I knew that I would continue proclaiming Jesus Christ even after the wire would be tied around my tongue, and would lose my tongue, and then my life, but it didn't matter. I only desired to cry out Jesus' Holy Name.

With my crying out this proclamation, the demonic attack ceased immediately. I could not sleep, though, and was surprised that the Lord would allow the devil to attack me so violently, when I am a genderless soul in nothingness, nesting within His Sacred Heart. But He allowed me to know that I had irked the devil, and that the devil wants my mouth to cease speaking.

I explained this to the man with whom I decided to share this experience, and I interpreted it for him, as well. Why not? Is it not best to confront the devil and do the oppositie of what He wants? Are we not to glorify God by bringing good of a bad, and if that bad is a demonic attack, what better good than to cut right through to the truth? So it is this truth that I shared with the young man, and for his woman, too:

The woman is your woman; the man is you. This is what I know for sure. The devil used and transformed your forms and beings in order to show displeasure with me, to try to frighten and stop me. For what? For speaking in words what the devil does not want you to read or hear? Is it to show me that the devil has deceived both of you, and wants me to be tongue-tied? Was the devil angry that I had somehow read your e-mail the first time, and had near-ecstatic hope? And then the second time I read it, I could see just how much of your self-desire and self-fulfillment, and personal desire, was written in it? And that I know deep within that this is not you at all--any more than this woman and man are not you, not really you, but some awful impersonator of you? Crows surrepticiously eating the grain and when caught, transforming into heathen demons! The four crows became two because we each have two natures: body and soul, good and evil.

Yet I hope beyond hope. And the devil does not like this hope. But I see it for what it is, and I proclaim Jesus over and over, and He will conquer whatever is deceiving your souls and minds with such self-fulfilling desires. It is worth having my tongue razored off; I will not cease crying out for Christ to be known for Who He Is--and against deception. All the more I pray that St. Veronica continue to hold the veil imaging His Sacred Head for you to have before your eyes at all times. Just see His Holy Face, and do not desire anything but His Holy Will for your souls.

Now the hermit also responded to the man's comment in his e-mail: Not everyone can be a mystic. So he says this, and to what point? Does it justify going against his destiny? Is he already turning away, sad? The hermit explained in a response that everyone can be a mystic. What is a mystic? It is someone who thinks of God all the time. Cannot everyone do and be that? Of course! Not everyone desires this, however, for it requires choosing God over self, and learning this and practicing it moment by moment over the course of a lifetime, whatever course and time that life is given.

The confessor this morning told the hermit many encouragements regarding the taint of the hermit's soul and the mercy of God in Our Lord's on-going process of purifying the soul, genderless in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart so pure and spotless. The hermit desires to not be sledge in His Heart! But also, the confessor, regarding the assignee and that the hermit felt so foolish proclaiming "hope" when the priest-in-love-with-the-woman had not written hopefully, at all--that the hermit is to "hope beyond hope".

Yes, it is hoping beyond hope, hoping when the climb seems all uphill, that the soul must tredge on and upward, yet in hope when there are no signs of hope to be seen. Hope remains. Hope lives in the Sacred Heart of Jesus; it is the Heart's rich Blood which nourishes with hope.

Another Tidbit of Goodness from A Carthusian

2007-12-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

The spiritual da reminded the hermit that it is a luxury and gift to be able to spend day and night pondering God: reading, praying, thinking, reflecting, writing, learning, growing-- and all about God, in Him, with Him, through Him and back once more into Him to there remain as best a soul can with still a suffering body!

So much is interwoven: solitude, suffering, and then the fruit of joy as an outgrowth.

"A Carthusian" (see how hidden he remains, even after death?) writes something so helpful to hermits and to hermit-victimsouls:

There are souls who seek solitude merely in order to find themselves; there are others who seek it so that they may give themselves. Still, it remains to be lived!

Happy those who know how to put their whole soul into all they do. Because they are giving themselves, they will be able to bear much suffering, but their happiness will exceed their suffering, since the gift of self is the source and condition of life, and therefore of spiritual growth and joy. Go on, then, giving yourself: go on suffering...seek your joy inthat precious suffering that the gift of self entails. God Who became man knew no more excellent way than this when He was on earth.

The hermit finds that fatigue crops up in odd ways, and after seemingly "doing" little. Sitting is enough to increase pain. In the stillness, with little to do but put things into ordered love, God is teaching the hermit. A friend e-mails something: she says she is sensitive, naive, and is hurt by those who are more assertive.

The hermit agrees with the sensitive part. The naivete is something the hermit mentioned awhile ago to the confessor, and he responded that the hermit has been around enough to not be naive--has seen it all and experienced much of it. So perhaps the friend is expressing what the hermit was probably trying to express: shock--repeated shock and surprise--at the evils of the world, especially the lesser evils so rampant.

As for being hurt by those more assertive, the hermit has perceived this friend as being assertive, at least in her home setting. Part of this may be due to her illness, of a mental illness in which her voice becomes strident and delusions find root. But the point is: this is her perception, not mine. And when one has a perception about oneself, it becomes truth to that person.

Are we hurt by those more assertive, or do others more assertive hurt us? If it is us being hurt, then why? More assertive is a degree, and who knows if one is more or less assertive? It is all perception, and it is reflected from the self. When the self begins to consider being hurt, and being hurt by others, and being hurt by others who are perceived by the self to be more assertive--then it is self that is doing the hurting.

For, when the self asserts that perception, then those around that self wonder if it is they who have done the hurting--for such perceptions also can bring out the "self" in others. It becomes very self-centered, all these perceptions. One of the Nine S' is: selflessness.

During the night the hermit had a dream of much disorder and chaos. Family members of three generations were gathered, and they were to go to a Christmas program for the children. The hermit was caring for a small child, a baby with a bad cold and runny nose. So much stuffed in that little nose and hard to get it out. The house was cluttered and jammed with things and people. Loudness, movement, hustle, and criticism--for things were out of order and the parent figures were pointing out things that needed fixing. The dream neared nightmare point of frustration and tension, when the hermit looked out the door and saw it sleeting: and then mustered nerve to turn to one parent figure and say, "I cannot go. I simply cannot and will stay with the baby who has a cold."

From that instance, relief surged through even within the dream, and the dream dissipated into awakening.

Yes, it is very important to tend to putting things in loving order, and this includes if one is fatigued--even from doing very little. Put things in loving order within the soul, get the rest that is needed, if weariness is what is out of loving order. Tend to the physical body, if that is what is out of order. Put all in loving order. Give oneself in denying oneself.

The gift of self can be given in the offering to slow down, to not go, to not do more than what God asks, which is sometimes very little. What is it to glorify God? It can be as small and still and simple as blowing a nose and saying "I can't go, I simply cannot." That can be very loving, to love God by our complete surrender.

Also, an agnostic friend e-mailed of her many activities and said she hoped the hermit liked the peace of doing little, and added the line (flippantly?--but no, that is only a negative perception): To each his own!

The hermit replied in thought and not writing: No--To God, His will!

Detraction Does Not Dwell in the Sacred Heart

2007-12-17T07:43:00.001-08:00

There is no room in the Sacred Heart for detraction.

The hermit has known about the sin of detraction for awhile, but the awareness is heightened to a degree unacceptable, now. Detraction cannot be within the hermit, for the hermit within the Sacred Heart is being purified, flake by flake, like the snow drifting and in time melting.

The sins must melt away and flow out the Wound. There is no room in Jesus' Heart for a hermit with sooty snowflakes.

Loving warmth that melts away the sin comes with prayer, after recognition. Now the reaction wells up, and counters to negativity may seem frozen until the situation is shoveled to reveal the fault, the soot, which is causing the disruption of joy and peace.

An e-mail arrived at Agnus Dei yesterday, via internet. A friend of Baptist and United Brethren background had written an assault upon the hermit's appreciation of this woman's poem on Mary. Yes, the woman had written a poem about Mary, and per usual, sends all her writings to many people. it was a nice poem, but it was a surprise that she would write of Mary, given her background and previous issues with Catholicism.

Now the woman went on the attack against the hermit's mention, two years ago, of adoring Mary and of feeling quite close to Mary. The woman said the hermit had "horrified" her with these comments, and then produced the typical Scriptural defense that Protestants use against Mary's embrace by Catholics.

The hermit e-mailed back, thanking the woman for clarifying what she thinks. The thinks was italicized, for in the woman's assault, she had written "I think" numerous times. Then the hermit pointed out that these comments are typical reactions from non-Catholics, but I am not delving into an apologetics discussion. Simply, that yes I do adore--I adore much, even the snow and also the joy and peace that God has bequeathed, and I adore many people and Mary, too.

This woman has asked in the past for me to pray for her or her family members. I said I ask Mary to pray for me, and that in our relationship, yes, we are close one to another. On another turn, the hermit mentioned an artist friend who is sculpting a series of bas reliefs on the Joseph panorama in the OT--for a local synagogue. The rabbi has come to his home once, and asked many questions of the crucifixes and paintings of Jesus in his home; the rabbi had little to no comprehension of Jesus.

So it is with the woman who wrote a poem of Mary as a sign; this woman has not the comprehension of Mary that others might have, for to comprehend is a deep knowing, and a deep knowing begs a deep loving which includes conversing and asking and thanking and adoring and also being taught by and from the other. It is a relationship: growing; alive; real.

The hermit later wondered if the response was a kind of detraction of and to this woman, as the hermit did react with an interior shaking, as one who has undergone a severe shock. So the hermit simply asked Mary to please show this woman who she is beyond the nativity writings of Scripture--if and when it pleases Mary in her wisdom to do so. The other must be open, of course. Writing a poem, at least, is a start; but was it written to honor Mary, or did the woman find pleasure in what she authored as the motive? Who knows? The first line in her e-mail referred to how her poems come to her as if already completed by God--but that she tweaks them over days and weeks.

Did St. John in his revelation tweak the writings over days and weeks? One wonders, and it doesn't seem likely. He wrote of the Woman clothed as the Sun.... He knew her and loved her; he had made provision for the Mother of God, Mary most holy, from the foot of the cross into her passing over, being assumed into Heaven and crowned as Queen of Heaven and Earth.

The hermit realized it is not for the hermit to take offense on behalf of Mary, or to take offense at all for what the woman had written in an attack, couched with words declaring it was not a criticism. Is not truth seen within a simple e-mail? It was a criticism; most would see that. So what? Charity takes no offense. If Mary understands where this woman is coming from and why (surely the Mother of God knows best); then the hermit ought to understand and smile with love and patience. There was no need to counter back, but the hermit did, a slight bit. Silly hermit.

Then the hermit's cousin called. The cousin is very tired from pouring herself out for others, over and over; her cup is empty. Is it wise to allow our cup to be emptied and not take the time in God to be filled, and then to give of what is overflowing? The cousin did the usual: complained about her elderly mother. Yes, her mother has criticized the daughter in the past; the mother differs from the daughter in priorities, for the mother is quite taken with outer appearances and is noted for this among family and friends. So? What the cousin reported this time was nothing to fault, not at all. Yet the pattern is set: leaping upon any comment, now, of the other.

The hermit's comfort level with the conversation, with the detraction, has come to a point that something must be done! The hermit cannot nest within the Sacred Heart and also as a participant, even of listening to detraction. No matter what--detraction, even if true, is detraction. It tears down another human being. Let the vanity authorities deal with the vain; let the pride authorities deal with the proud. Let the gluttony authorities deal with the gluttons. Jesus will deal with it all--all our vices. Who am I to point them out or discuss them?

Within the Sacred Heart, nesting there as a genderless soul in nothingness, the nothingness must be known. The hermit is nothing, and in nothingness must remain thus: emptied of self, emptied of inclination and collusion in sins, in the sin of detraction. Detraction disrupts peace.

The hermit is going to have to bring this up when the cousin next calls. It has come to a point of the lance opening the Heart to this problem. How horrible the hermit has been all these years! No wonder peace and joy have eluded the hermit. The hermit sees its detraction through the light from the Wound.

Then, last night, late, the hermit came across something regarding another hermit who is well-publicized. While not in my Nine S', and not at all possible as a genderless soul in nothingness, being known to the world or anyone does not fit into nothing, and being something does not fit inside the Sacred Heart. Then was mentioned in the article a religious community to which the other belonged, and the hermit discovered this was not a Church approved community.

Ah, how easy it is for us to not see clearly, to not see truth in ourselves, and then to promote ourselves. For what? We become large and somebodies, and only small and nobodies fit within the Sacred Heart, for the Sacred Heart is a nest in which the soul becomes one with God, and thus not one's self. It is all reality, as is the Virgin Mary a reality, and not just a proud poem.

The hermit wrote of this situation, thinking the hermit needed to set matters straight, to reveal the weakness in the other's seeming promotion; and then during the night the hermit realized the sin of detraction in the writing, and to let the others simply go and be and learn themselves, as this hermit [me] is being taught the hermit's [my] own sooty snowflakes--sludge and sledge that verge on the hermit's being miscarried right out of the Sacred Heart!

The hermit got up and deleted the entire blog, even what might have been of good; the hint, even the potent taint, of detraction requires expulsion, and all surrounding words with it. Detraction soils all like the encroaching black-turned-gray in snow defreshed.

Detraction does not dwell in the Sacred Heart. Not the detraction of others about others; not the detraction of others by the hermit: No detraction dwells where Love lives to purify souls.

detract - reduce or take away the worth or value of; deny or take away (a quality or achievement) so as to make its subject seem less impressive; divert or distract (someone or something) away from. 'drawn away': detrahere (Middle English, Latin).

White Nothingness at Agnus Dei

2007-12-16T06:07:00.000-08:00

White came during the night. It thickens and brightens, blows its nothingness through and without. Hours shall pass before the hermit departs for Mass and the quiet Sacristan tasks prior.

Gaudete Sunday brings the fullness of joy. Of its own, joy is white; it is nothingness; yet we utilize the color pink. Sun shining on white makes it sometimes pink, if one stares awhile. Perhaps the eye begins to see through blood, and that make the white seem pink. Seeing through blood brings love into all, and pink is the color of love, it is said.

Joy is nothingness in the visceral sense. Most connect joy with an intellectual definition which is exemplified in emotional response to something the body and mind "like." But in its supernal nothingness, joy becomes as snow in the soul: a reaction of molecules affected by climate; tangible until touched, then melted into memory.

The hermit ponders joy, as someone who suffers has left a comment on the victim soul writings, relative to asking for joy, and in faith, in believing, the joy is given. Joy in suffering is particularly mystical. The commenter mentions having spent the second year of suffering, being silent. It was in that silence that the Lord taught her more of suffering, and also then bequeathed the joy.

Within the Sacred Heart, there is silence; there is snow; there is the nothingness of joy. No one can touch upon it without its melting into nothingness, so it is best to not attempt to grasp joy but simply to view it as a gratuitous wonder. The joy within the Sacred Heart often shows nothing--nothing emotional. Snow simply appears as a result of unseen molecular transformations under certain conditions. Such is joy.

Now, from within the Sacred Heart came a question the hermit asked. "When did the Sacred Heart become Sacred?"

The hermit immediately answered from within, that the Sacred Heart became Sacred when the lance pierced Jesus' Heart, and His Blood and Water flowed. But the hermit thought how the hermit writes, and then often has to correct what is written!

The hermit then pondered this, and asked a priest, a canon lawyer priest of Africa. He said that the Sacred Heart has always been Sacred, that one must view the Sacred Heart as God-is-Love, and that it was Sacred from before time began, with the Word.

Yet the hermit wondered how it was that the hermit is within this Sacred Heart, and is being trained to view all through His Wound, as if from a tunnel looking out into the world, and from within being trained to view the other world, going in and in and in.

So the hermit asked the Associate Pastor of the Cathedral who is very learned--a savant of Catholicism. He said that the Sacred Heart became Sacred at the Incarnation, for Jesus had a human heart, divine yet human. It is perfect, yet it did not become a "Sacred Heart" until He had a human heart to be then an object of sacredness.

This made sense, but then the hermit considered that all the writings from early on as well as artist renderings, always seemed to link the Sacred Heart with His wounds and even drops of blood, and often with thorns surrounding. The wound seems a major inclusion in any writings of the Sacred Heart.

So the hermit asked this priest again, since he had the Benediction later that day. He sais, yes, that the Sacred Heart's wound was important in the fulfillment of Christ's mission for salvation of souls and reparation for sin. But he pointed out that the Eucharist had been instituted the night prior, at the Last Supper. But, he agreed when the hermit pointed out that the renderings are not of an embryo's heart or an unwounded heart--that it seemed that the piercing was necessary to show us the way: that we too must be wounded and die (or die and be wounded?) to ourselves in order to be in union with Christ, to come into Him fully.

After last evening's Mass, the hermit asked the high priest, the Rector and Vicar General, this question. He immediately said that the Sacred Heart, in the Church's view, is much broader than Christ's Sacred Heart in its human form. It encompasses all of time, yet it is also viewed as an actual heart, and the wounds are depicted and the Blood and Water flowed, and were necessary to flow from the pierced Heart, to show the outpouring of salvation and the Sacraments of the Church. The piercing was necessary, he said, for these to occur. He agreed that when the Heart was pierced, the fulfillment of Christ's mission was complete with these facets of the Church, the Sacraments, and the Salvation of souls--and their salvation in an on-going form. Yes, of course, if souls participate and cooperate.

The Church's sacraments are available to us as gift from the opened, wounded Heart of Christ, and after He gave His life for us.

The hermit has been wondering, has been trying to be stilled enough to comprehend, if there is still Blood and Water within the Sacred Heart? Or, is the hermit in here in nothingness of these elements. Is the Blood still being shed? Well, at the Sacrifice of the Mass it is being re-enacted in its timeless form: the Passion of Our Lord. He offers Himself again and again.

Is the hermit and all those others, unseen but in here--suspended within His Heart, surrounded and ensconced in His Precious Blood? Are the Waters of purification, of eternal quenching, of the Church and our Baptismal washing--are these Waters keeping us afloat within His Sacred Heart?

The realities of the genderless soul, in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart, are somehow important to discern. There is adoration within the Heart, and thus adoration of all within the Heart. Nesting gradually senses the surroundings; nesting is not only a place but a movement, a continuous floating flow such as the snow floats either as visible elements of white or clear droplets or microscopic hydrogen and oxygen, and invisible cold (what is cold?) and wind suspending and flowing (what is wind?).

The hermit can appreciate the answers of the Canon Lawyer and the Rector: of the large, inimitable view of God and His Church, of the Sacred Heart in timeless largess.

Yet for now, the hermit is very, very small and still adapting to the visceral aspects of the Sacred Heart by means of tangibles--of the written and illustrated renderings, of the imagination and understanding and intellect's comprehension of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Yes, the hermit begins small commensurate with the smallness of the hermit's beginnings of this new life's now home within the Sacred Heart.

The expansive nothingness becomes immense with the growth of awareness, as adoration magnifies the soul's capacity to adore simply, and greatly, the Lord God.

Another Related Jewel from A Carthusian

2007-12-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Now here is yet another meditation for souls who desire to live all for God, and who suffer as victim souls, and who strive to live all for God and in their suffering, as hermits--and really, for all souls.

A Carthusian writes in silence and solitude, speaking to us in printed word long after he is dead not only to this world while alive, but dead to this world and dead in his body:

There are souls who seek solitude merely in order to find themselves: there are others who seek it so that they may give themselves. Still, it remains to be lived!

Happy those who know how to put their whole soul into all they do. Because they are giving themselves, they will be able to bear much suffering, but their happiness will exceed their suffering, since the gift of self is the sourc eand condition of life, and therefore of spiritual growth and joy. Go on, then, giving yourself: go on suffering...seek your joy in that precious suffering that the gift of self entails. God Who became man knew no more excellent way than this when he was on earth.

Now, the hermit-victimsoul-striving to be in genderless state of nothingness nested within the Sacred Heart, will cease the morning's writings, and reflect on these inspirations while putting a few externals into loving order about the hermitage.

A Carthusian Gives Clarifying Helps for How It Is, in Union

2007-12-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

The Carthusian writings the Sacred Heart points out to the hermit these days of Advent, explain to any questioning souls, about how it is that a being such as the hermit [or any such imperfect soul that finds itself ensnared within God] could possibly be in union with God, nesting within His Sacred Heart.

A Carthusian writes:

This is because union with God, which is the source of divine peace in the soul, does not necessarily imply natural human perfection. Such union consists in perfect conformity with God's designs upon us. A soul can be supernaturally perfect--and consequently at peace--and yet have many natural imperfections. This is particularly the case with a temperament whic is persistently over-impressionable, and which vibrates to every breath from without, while the heart feels and echoes these vibrations. It is sufficient for the soul to accept this stsate of things and to make a constant effort, simple, calm, and confident, day by day, to keep under control this lower part, and to submit it to the guidance of reason, and above all to that of faith.

For that is what constitutes forgetfulness of self and abandonment to God. To forget oneself does not mean not thinking of oneself, but thinking of oneself to the extent willed by God. God wills that, for the life of both soul and body, we should take certain measures indicated by reason and approved on a higher plane by faith with a view to a supernatural end. Not to do so is neither to abandon oneself to God nor to forget oneself, but to tempt God and to depart from His designs. We abandon ourselves when, having taken these measures, we pay no heed to the results, but leave it to God to bring them about or not, as He pleases. This is true abandonment, which glorifies God, and brings peace to the soul. "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men of good will." The real good will is that of Him Who is Goodness itself and Love itself. A human will is good in so far as it identifies itself in all things with that Will.

Now, this is truth, beauty and goodness, is it not? One must ponder this from within the Sacred Heart, for the Carthusian who wrote these thoughts wrote them from within the Sacred Heart, learned them from the Heart of the Sacred Heart, and thus they are absorbed within the Sacred Heart.

Yet, they are piped out to the world through the Wound of the Sacred Heart. Yes, this is how the hermit is learning to speak and to perceive all: through this opening which has a slight bit of tunnel through a space of spirit and matter, which extends from the spirit of the Sacred Heart and out into the temporal world in which matter predominates but spirit exists. The hermit, however, is still matter and spirit within the spirit.

What is our end? It is to glorify God. How do we glorify God? In spirit and in truth. And some souls do this to a greater degree than other souls. The degree directly proportionates with the degree that spirit predominates; yet the matter is not shirked or forgotten, but to be considered to the extent willed by God.

Question to the Cathedral Rector

2007-12-14T07:41:00.000-08:00

Of course, he is my confessor, usually. And this morning after Mass the hermit asked if it is theologically all right--if it is simply all right in any regard--to be inside here, inside the Sacred Heart of Jesus. He smiled and said it is perfectly all right.

Then the hermit asked about the perspective--and with consideration of what the Da brought up and what the hermit has also been pondering--is it all right to be taken by Jesus everywhere, as opposed to "my" taking Him places, as now "I" am the genderless soul in nothingness nesting in His Heart. Also, too, is it now to be that He receives "me" in His Heart through His Body and Blood of the Eucharist, and thus in some way, is it not "me" but rather "We" since "I" am within His Heart? And when does it become "Us"? (This last question of the "Us" I had in mind but didn't ask directly, but will next time!)

He said it is a matter of perspective, and that people have varying understandings and perspectives of this, so for some it is that they receive Him, but it is all right to consider that He receive us. Well, it simply must be this latter perspective now, for otherwise "I" would have to remain outside His Sacred Heart in order to receive Him. He has received me; He has taken me in like a poor mouse out in the cold allowed to scamper in when the door is left ajar.

He set His trap for me, for He saw me wanting in but my not realizing just how much I wanted in. He saw my little trail and my snitching crumbs and darting about from hiding place--to observing my emboldened scurrying from room to room. So He set His trap for me, and I am caught. He has taken me by the tail and has placed me in His cozy cage. I am within His Sacred Heart, and He will never let me go again. He is teaching me to become such a part of Him that it will no longer be other than We together as One.

But this comes with awareness and training, and sometimes the training is rather Pavlovian in essence; the mystical bell rings when the mouse must be reminded of the process.

The Rector had preached about St. John of the Cross and about how Jesus desires us to be within Him, one with Him, in union. He mentioned the dance, and how one leads and the other follows, and he played out this metaphor as being how we must follow Jesus through the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Later, the hermit commented on this imagery, and that there can come a point in which the dancer is no longer aware of the music or of the leading this way or that, and somehow becomes enrapt in the dance without consciousness. The Rector saw this, of course, and agreed, and glanced the motion of one in ecstasy. Yes, this is how it becomes, and thus it is in the dance with God, within the silent, rhythmic Sacred Heart.

Then the hermit said that during the night, the hermit awoke and thought about last summer and how the hermit was in the clutches of the devil--yes was definitely in the clutches of the devil. And now the hermit wished to express from within the Sacred Heart, how much the hermit loves Catholicism, yes definitely loves Catholicism more than anything or anyone on earth, and this is said from within the Sacred Heart and felt from within the Sacred Heart.

But there is nothing loved more on earth and not on earth, than the Sacred Heart, and this is said and felt on earth and also not on earth. For the love in Him is a love begun with the love of earth but becomes God-is-love.

The hermit could not express this, though, verbally while standing in the glorious cold and gray St. John of the Cross morning, outside the Cathedral--but thinking it from within the Sacred Heart. No, only the joy came from within in an outside smile, and the joy of the Rector returned from his within with a smile outside.

Thoughts from within the Sacred Heart on the Memorial of St. John of the Cross

2007-12-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

As we rest within the Sacred Heart of Jesus, after awhile we sense others with us. Today it is St. John of the Cross, but also there are those others who quietly suffer within His Heart, and suffer the physical, emotional, and mental agonies that God has delighted in bequeathing to His bevy of little victim souls.

Marie's comments [from the victim soul blog comment] on joy and suffering--and of not considering it "I"--go along with the Irish Spiritual Da's letter that arrived yesterday. His sparse comments always hit the mark: He wrote in his 88-year-old, tidy scrawl, on yellow legal notebook paper: There is always the danger of us glorifying ourselves; putting the emphasis on ourselves when all must be for the glory of God.

He also brought up a point [one comes to these points in the awareness of the genderless soul, in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart]--that came once more during Mass this morning, and at the moment of reception of the Holy Eucharist. The Da mentions it, also, in his letter. Would it be better if we spoke of Jesus receiving us (embracing us) in Holy Communion than for us saying we receive Jesus in Holy Communion?

Yesterday it bubbled in ideas when the priest spoke of how we are to take Jesus with us, where we go, and out into the world. But within the Sacred Heart, this genderless soul and victim of love, considered that it is Jesus Who takes me with Him, wherever He goes, and out into the world. And He does this mystically mostly, and sometimes physically by inspiring this body's movement--but always within His Heart-felt influence and will.

Thus, it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ Who has me in Him, and thus we are one, as the Father and Christ are One.

It is in the Sacred Heart that we come to comprehend it is not "my suffering" but rather it is His suffering, and we are simply nesting within His Heart, having been drawn up through the opening of the wound--drawn up out of the world from the point of a spear and tuck-pointed into the nest of His Heart.

[It seems odd, but the thoughts weave in and out the warp to the woof of three blogs, and so I may take these threads over to The Complete Hermit. How many different blogs would a victim soul, a hermit, or one striving to live all for God--write?]

Bishop A. Tanquerey's Comments on Living a Rule

2007-12-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

A. Tanquerey, in The Spiritual Life: a Treatise on Ascetical and Mystical Theology, some wise guidance on utilizing circumstances to exercise the virtues.

1334.B) We must likewise carefully use the thousand and one circumstances wherein, by reason of the continuit of the effort, we can exercise ourselves in fortitude and patience.

This is done by those who from morning to night:

submit joyfully to a rule
who strive to be attentive at their prayers, and recollected all day long
who keep silence when inclined to speak
who avoid the sight of such objects as excite curiosity
who suffer without complaint the unseasonableness of the weather
who show kindness to those towards whom they feel a natural antipathy
who accept humbly and patiently the reproaches made to them
who accommodate themselves to the tastes, desires and temperaments of others
who stand contradiction without irritation, in a word,
who strive to vanquish their own petty passions and to conquer themselves.

To do all this, not once in passing, but habitually, to do so not merely patiently, but joyfully--this is already heroic virtue, and when later on grave circumstances present themselves, heroic action will not prove too difficult: for we shall then have the strength of the Holy Ghost Himself.

"You shall receive the power of the Holy Ghost coming upon you, and you shall be witnesses unto me." (Acts 1:8)

Living our rule joyfully, and all therein, living the virtues to a heroic degree, offers good soul-works for nesting within the Sacred Heart.

St. Gertrude the Great's Imperfections

2007-12-12T06:57:00.000-08:00

This, from a scarce book on St. Gertrude the Great:

St. Gertrude, despite her unceasing prayers for deliverance from certain imperfections, was never entirely set free from them. Her natural impetuosity caused her many a humiliation. Thus, in her zeal for exact observance of the Holy Rule, her reproaches to the negligent were often excessive. In endeavoring to rid herself of those failings, the Saint complained to our Lord, and asked to be completely delivered from them. She was told, however, that frequently defects of this kind are left in chosen souls in order that they may bear in mind the weakness of their nature, and realise that all their purity is but an effect of God's mercy.

This is good to keep in mind, for hermits as genderless soul, in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus, are like embryos in the mother's womb: not perfect. Yet Jesus has mercy on the souls like little birds nesting within His Heart, and He knows their imperfections, and in time shines his Holy Light for the souls to see His Truth, although within the Sacred Heart is warm and soothing darkness, peaceful night of repose, but with the light streaming in through the wound opening.

Let Them Bring Me to Your Holy Mountain

2007-12-12T06:05:00.000-08:00

Three or more times in the same amount of days, maybe more, the thoughts of the Holy Mountain came up in the hermit's rare verbal conversations but also in e-mail communication.

Who shall climb the Holy Mountain? Check out Ps. 15 and Ps. 22.

Now the hermit reads it again in Ps. 43:

O send forth Your light and Your truth;
let these be my guide.
Let them bring me to Your holy mountain,
to the place where You dwell.

For the hermit, now, the Holy Mountain is the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Christ's light and truth shall be my guide and have brought me, shall keep me there in the place where He dwells.

The Sacred Heart is rather like a cave, and A Carthusian Monk described it as such in a meditation read not too long ago. The cave also represented the Church, for Christ is the Church, the Head, and it is a rock, firm in foundation. The holy mountain is firm in foundation; the Sacred Heart is firm in foundation. They are Christ's; He is our rock of salvation.

A woman asked the hermit after noon Mass to go for coffee. The hermit took a fleeting glance within the Sacred Heart, and the answer was an atypical "yes", for it seemed this woman who the hermit did not know, might be in need; and the hermit is always in that state of need. Need of what? Need of the virtues which are practiced and strengthened in a variety of unsuspecting situations.

It was not too difficult to cordone the conversation within the spiritual, within the Sacred Heart. The woman had coffee and a bowl of chicken soup; the hermit had hot water with lemon and a bowl of mushroom soup. The woman asked questions, and the hermit quickly did as hermits ARE to do in matters of visits of any type (in-person or written or phone): strive for the Holy Mountain, and now the place is
to remain within the Sacred Heart.

Before long, the woman had discussed numerous activities, said she is a people person, loves life, and "goes, goes, goes." Yes, the hermit used to go in many directions at once in delightful activities and creative hobbies and good works for the Lord. The hermit mentioned what the Carthusian monk (yet another one!) wrote about Martha's mulitplicities and how they differed from the preferred focus and recollection of Mary--who also did her chores but had the priorities in order, in loving order. But the woman said she likes to be like Martha. Oh.

Then the hermit brought up the Holy Mountain, as the woman also expressed that she knew she was somehow missing out on something, and she said she had watched the hermit at Mass and thought the hermit was so put together and had so much peace. The hermit laughed and said there was much confusion and despair until the Lord bestowed His peace that passeth all understanding just 11 weeks ago, maybe only 10. And, that it takes effort to learn about that peace, and to protect it, and to nurture it--and then of realizing that one is actually within the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and that this is a place for everyone, if any soul desires and strives, cooperates.

The woman said she was interested in climbing the Holy Mountain, so the hermit brought out points of Ps. 15 and 22 in answer to her question of how to climb it. Walk without blame, work justice, speak truth in the heart, not use deceit of the tongue or do evil to his neighbor--or take up reproach to his neighbor. Not be taken up with the malignant ones but delight and associate with those who fear the Lord. Not deceive others and not take others monetarily, nor take bribes against the innocent. (And those that climb the Holy Mountain, who do these things, will not be moved forever.) Those who climb the Holy Mountain seek the Face of God: they strive for purity of heart.

Yes, within the Sacred Heart there must be a striving for purity, the pure air of the mountain peaks, and the lushness of the valleys seen from the heights in their open beauty, laid bare in truth.

She needed more here-and-now examples, so the hermit asked her about mountain climbing. It takes effort, training, guide books and guides. One begins at the bottom in the foothills where many can be gathered to begin, but before too long the path becomes narrow and steep, and the climb can be accomplished with God alone--and all the non-physical saints and angels who do not need the physical path but who are needed for their wisdom, guidance and inspiration, for the saints traversed the earthly path and the angels have delivered many from stumbles and falls.

She said she wants to be at the base of the mountain with lots of people and activities--but she also wants to be at the top. She asked if she could have it all. She went on in a stream of "I want's".

The hermit had to say that Jesus tells us the path is narrow and few are they who are on it. She even commented that many are called but few are chosen. We discussed the rich young man who turned away sad, for he was unwilling to do what was necessary to follow Jesus, and that was to say no to his many attachments, to what HE wanted, and wanted MORE than to follow Jesus.

It is much about desire, and there are those who desire the heights of union with God, and there are those who desire many other things. The woman desires many other things, at least for now, and time is closing in on her. A friend of hers had commented that she was "always late" and had backed away in friendship. The woman said this just was not true, and quickly chattered about why she was late some times, for this or that reason, but that it just wasn't true that she was late.

The hermit commented that being late was a trait in the hermit's family, of the mother, an aunt, and even the hermit's tendency until awhile ago, for there was always "just one more thing that could be squeezed in to be done" prior to departure for an appointment. Yes, multiplicities complicate the landscape; they are stumbling stones on the path, and the path underfoot could well be considered Holy Scripture.

Later the woman asked what is the Sacred Heart, besides the pictures she had seen of Jesus with His Heart painted on the outside of his robes. This was yet another explanation required with images and simplicity.
The woman commented that she likes to go for walks (and also go to an exercise gym, and then also to yoga, and then also to this and that...), but the hermit said in response to the woman's complaint of going here and there and her house being a mess, that perhaps just walking would be enough and for free. No, that would not due, but the woman leapt over to the path of walking, and she discussed how she likes to walk on one side of the sidewalk and think of Jesus walking beside her.

So in an experiment, the hermit asked if the woman would like to walk, not with Jesus beside her, but actually inside Jesus, such as within His Sacred Heart, as HE did the walking and chose where they would walk and how long and with what thoughts? She said, "No, I WANT my own body, and I WANT Jesus to just be walking beside me."

The hermit rather delighted in this woman's candor; it was opposite of the woman in the Sacristy Sunday evening whose pride shown brightly, and without that woman recognizing it. The hermit would have tried to hide the hermit's pride; but it was more honest that this woman let her pride shine in full exposure, just as this other woman declared her own wants.

Light and truth are the guides to bring us to the Holy Mountain. What is light? Truth contains knowing ourselves; yes, but it also means knowing Jesus and what HE WANTS, what PLEASES HIM. Light helps us to expose ourselves, to take us out of the dark blindness of self and into the Truth of Jesus Christ.

Now the hermit comprehends why the Bishop said that coming to nest as a genderless soul, in nothingness, within the Sacred Heart, is not given to everyone in this lifetime and only to a few. The hermit can comprehend how Jesus simply had to let the rich young man go away, sad. Perhaps the rich young man, like this woman, was not aware of just how sad, for these souls do not know yet what it is they are missing. they think they would miss the attachments and that ordered love is too hard. When in light shining on the truth of the matter, the ordered love within the Sacred Heart is, as the Vicar General said: richness. It is the richest and best place to exist!

I suppose it just has to be this way with many souls who choose it, for the woman concluded our visit by asking if there weren't times that I really missed going and doing and all the fun things of life. The hermit explained that there are no desires other than to nest within the Sacred Heart, and that within Him there is such richness of life, and that I am such an infant in this process that there is much to learn which keeps me quite occupied, challenged, and enthralled. She said she would miss her activities and all the people too much; in fact, she did not want to let the one person go, the one who chided her for lateness and desired to not have so much contact.

Back to Agnus Dei, and the hermit was absolutely exhausted from the encounter, but also practicing viewing it from within the Sacred Heart, as Jesus would, with delight in this woman and her zest for many good things in life, for loving life, and for loving Jesus at the base of His Holy Mountain, in the foothills. Some day she may, sooner than later, desire to simplify. Yes, she had asked the hermit to write down the Nine S' for her; but somehow the hermit surmises they may be lost amidst the multiplicities.

Now, the hermit has need very much of God's light and truth to guide the hermit in the soul work required for becoming less cluttered and encumbered, in order to be reduced in all ways so as to not offend the soft beauty of the interior of His Sacred Heart. The hermit continues begging light to be shone upon the attachments and imperfections, so that ordered love may increase and the tainted hermit decrease.

My Soul Doth Magnify the Lord

2007-12-09T07:27:00.001-08:00

Despite great and wondrous gifts causing the hermit to exalt and ponder, to be nearly in such joy as to feel as if death is not far off--the maidservant of the Handmaid of the Lord stirs from reveries and adoration, and adores and magnifies the Lord through daily duty.

There is work to be done, by the hermit maidservant, for the Handmaid of the Lord. The hermit must begin to, day and night, put the exterior environment of the hermitage in order. It is the hermit's call to detachment, which means ordered love. The hermit works on the externals in prayerful desire that this will assist the internals to fall into ordered love as well. It will surely help.

The hermit has a hem to sew, some ironing to do, gifts to wrap, bills and papers to file, a couple or three hours of editing, organizing some items to be returned to the store, and a closet to put into order (one of three, but the hermit knows not to disorder the mind with too much at once).

A book was commenced last night, being read from within the Sacred Heart, and it is one on the shelf that the hermit had not noticed much. Now a second copy came to light in the used book store, and the hermit slowed this time to pay attention to some details. The editor/translator is a (deceased) superior general of the Missionaries of St. Francis de Sales! This caught the hermit's attention due to a young priest from India with whom the hermit has corresponded from his seminary days and into priesthood, is of this community! Then, to the hermit's great surprise, in simply studying the title page of the book, the author is "A Carthusian".

Ah! The Carthusians are hard at work on this hermit, in the hermit's return to their writings and teachings after a four years' lapse!

This is going to be a very beneficial book indeed, for it assists the hermit in adapting to life within the Sacred Heart. It embellishes the Lord's will for the genderless soul in nothingness.

One point strikes an immediate benefit: multiplicity. The monk discusses the Martha-Mary situation in a way not previously considered (to the hermit's understanding, that is). He comments that the problem with Martha's being so busy is that she has dissipated herself in multiplicities. Mary has remained focused on what is necessary at that moment; Mary has not, as a metphoric phrase expresses the idea: too many irons in the fire.

The book, by the way, for those who may desire finding a copy, is: The Interior Soul, by A Carthusian, and edited/translated by Fr. Tissot.

The Carthusian, as well as Fr. Tissot, admonish the reader to not skip a single line, for all builds a foundation which, even if the reader thinks he knows some aspects, must not be weakened by not reading each line and page and thought. Rather, the reader must read and ponder as if placing brick upon brick, building a strong foundation for the soul's good benefit for God.

Because He Who is Mighty Has Done Great Things to the Hermit

2007-12-09T06:36:00.000-08:00

The hermit continues to nest within the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord...because He Who is mighty hath done great things to the Hermit, and Holy is His Name.

At times the hermit remains ever still and ponders the goodness of God. Why did the hermit struggle so, for so many years? It all seems foolishness now--even incomprehensible. The hermit has no answer. But now, the Lord has made the bestowal.

A few months ago when the hermit was fussing and fretting and struggling, mis-thinking that the hermit needed to be canonically approved and this and that, one day the word "bestowal" was heard within, from without; and the hermit thought that what was needed was a "bestowal" by the Church, ie. canonical approval.

The hermit then realized the Church was not going to bestow that or anything else; and since the Church is God's Bride, God ordained this decision of the Bishop and the Vicar General. The hermit felt that the word "bestowal" came for a purpose, though, and that something would be bestowed. Then the hermit forgot about it for awhile.

Since, a great peace that passeth all understanding feel upon Agnus Dei and the hermit within. Then the hermit came to comprehend that the hermit as a genderless soul, in nothingness, was somehow actually existing--nesting--within the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The hermit has written of this, as best one could describe something living and breathing and ever-evolving.

The Feast of the Immaculate Conception brought yesterday a very special Mass at the Cathedral. It was a Jubilee Mass of meaningful import, and the Bishop presided and spoke of Pope Benedict XVI's new encyclical on hope. After Mass, the hermit greeted the Bishop along with many, and the hermit viewed and experienced and spoke and listened as is increasingly the mode: from within the Sacred Heart.

At times it is inconceivable that God should be so kind to the poor hermit who has been a pain to God, and stubborn to His will, and complaining and peevish to His sons of the Church, and complaining and peevish to his children in and outside the Church.

But the hermit approached the Bishop, and there was bestowed by God a sweet kiss on the cheek, a message of God's love from within the Sacred Heart. It was a grace seen coming in advance and brief in passing, but eternal in message of much love and pleasure that the hermit is finally where God desires: in His Heart. Submissive and surrendered: growing in silence, solitude, slowness, suffering, selflessness, simplicity, stability, stillness, and serenity. The Nine S's come naturally within His Heart; they are the nutrients of His Heart's environs.

The hermit drifted back to the pew to pray. The Bishop later walked by, in creeping steps of the weariness of over 50 years as priest and a bulk of these as Bishop. He slowed and turned to the hermit, and the hermit said, "May I tell you something quite humbling?" He nodded assent. The hermit explained that [the hermit], as a genderless soul, in nothingness, for some time now, has nested within the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The hermit said, "That is why when you asked me how I am, I said I am doing very well--and more than what I deserve!"

The hermit is overwhelmed with the reality that the hermit does not deserve to nest within the Sacred Heart. "Do you understand?" the hermit asked? "There is such bliss, but yet I am only learning this view. When I see, it is from within His Heart. When I eat, it is from within His Heart. When I pray, it is from within His Heart....When I sin, it is from within His Heart--and that makes my sin all the more terrible!"

The Bishop nodded in understanding! He understood--this great Bishop of the Church. He said to the hermit, "This is a very special gift."

"And this is for everyone," the hermit continued. "I want everyone to be in the Sacred Heart. I want all souls to experience this, and I want them to experience it young in life--and I don't know why I took so long to come to this, to simply see that Jesus wants us all to nest within His Sacred Heart, to accept that this is where we are to exist!"

But the Bishop shook his head and said that this only comes to only a few souls in life, but in heaven many will come to it. Yet the hermit persisted, "But Jesus desires all souls to be in His Heart!" and the Bishop again said, "Not all can have this gift in this life."

Then he straightened, as he had leaned down while the hermit was whispering this undeserved wonder, kneeling in the pew, and he spoke from the strength of the Office, and of the power of his life lived in total sacrifice for the Church, for our souls, and said, "This gift God has given you is to be FOR THE CHURCH!"

The hermit said, "Yes, I pray that I be an immolation for souls!" To which the Bishop leaned down again and said, "Yes, this is good." And the hermit said, "The Lord has BESTOWED this upon me. He has BESTOWED it." The Bishop nodded again, and softely said, "Yes."

Then the hermit told the Bishop, "I have had a dream, and this time you were in it, Bishop." He glanced the question, so the hermit continued, "Yes, you annointed me with the Holy Oils--you gave me the Sacrament of the Annointing of the Sick." The Bishop cocked his head and nodded, and the hermit added, "and this means I am going to have more suffering--but it will be from within the Sacred Heart of Jesus."

As he turned to leave, he told the hermit to be sure to read the Pope's latest encyclical on hope, for within it there is much on suffering. Yes, the hermit is reminded not only of this encyclical, but of one in 1956 and one in 1928--on suffering, on offering sufferings, of offering to suffer in reparation and with the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

As the hermit settled back into prayer, the joy seemed too much. The Lord has given too much to the unworthy hermit, and the hermit begged Jesus to please let all souls come and nest within His Heart. Why, it did not seem fair, what the Bishop said, that only a few are given this gift in this lifetime.

The hermit pondered: if only the hermit could explain about being a genderless soul, and of being nothing, and of nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus--to explain to people, to all souls--how this is and how it is for everyone, that anyone could have this, then maybe everyone could nest in His Heart and experience this bliss.

But no, soon the hermit realized that even trying to express it would be often misunderstood. The hermit had mentioned the peace and contentment to a couple of cousins who inquired in phone calls as to how the hermit was doing, and they were unused to this way of being, this peace and joy. They simply responded in rote form, "I'm happy for you." They did not seem to desire this, to find out how this could be! Others in passing have been commenting to the hermit that the hermit seems so peaceful--more peaceful than in years--and the hermit has tried to explain about the Lord's bestowal of deep peace and joy, despite the on-going pain--for some also ask if the pain is lessened or gone away. No, it is this bestowal and of being a genderless soul, in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

How could a Protestant comprehend this--they who squirm at mention of the Sacred Heart and who in many cases have never seen an artist's rendering of visionaries visions, of Jesus revealing His Sacred Heart? How could Catholics comprehend that which is so interior and private, except those who have experienced it likewise and wisely remained still, for it is a bestowal that in itself exists in silence, solitude, slowness, suffering, selflessness, simplicity, stability, stillness, and serenity.

It is an incomprehensible, an immutable, ineffable--

I ask, anyone who reads this, if but one soul, please consider what it is to be a genderless soul, in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Please pray for this, and ask for whatever is necessary to have this gift bestowed upon you. Especially ask, those of you who are like this hermit-- not anyone important, not deserving this, not really understanding it but willing to nest and learn and grow within this Heart, and still a sinner but being reformed and transformed from the view and ways of the Sacred Heart.

This is the end goal, to begun at the beginning, all over again, even if late in life.

How could the hermit ever have comprehended that the Lord meant this bestowal, this glorious bestowal of nothingness, nesting in His Sacred Heart forever and ever? How could the hermit ever desire anything more, for there is nothing more to desire. No bestowals of the hermit's asking, such as for canonical approval, could compare to the surprise bestowals of God.

Another Visit with the Spiritual Da

2007-12-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

The spiritual da and anam cara turned 88 on the Feast of St. Nicholas. The hermit visited him the day after, as the sisters (where he is chaplain) would not appreciate the hermit's intrusion on the day in which some of them might expect him to eat in the dining hall, with them.

So the hermit arrived, bearing a few edible gifts, and a consumable book by the Carthusians, When Silence Is Praise, as well as the writings on detachment, by A Carthusian.

We conversed for 3 1/2 hours on the matters of God and the soul. We spoke of detachment and ordered love and applied to possibilities in our own souls for testing and improving ordered love. We discussed deeply, placing the thoughts along side relevant Scripture, the concept of the soul, the genderless soul in nothingness, nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus. What did it mean and how is it done and what changes in view and reality evolve?

The da mentioned that many would not comprehend what is meant by "become" or "becoming", by one actually existing within the Sacred Heart--that some would think it is as the new age purports. But this is not new age, yet it is agreed that one must be very careful as to who one, if with anyone else, would describe this state of soul.

We likened it to the embryo who is not perfect but within the womb, nourished and all wastes purified by the mother, cells created by God by means of both mother and father, and of these but yet not these. The existence is symbiotic.

Now, it would seem that the embryo gains all from the mother, is totally dependent. Well, it is dependent; but the relationship is symbiotic because both the soul and Christ, the Sacred Heart, benefit from each other.

How does Christ benefit from the soul? From our very dependency, from our being one in Him, by our existence within in Heart. Nesting within His Heart, we learn to function in all aspects through, with and in Him. Besides, as a mother benefits from her baby in utero, Jesus is delighted with a soul secured in His Sacred Heart. Jesus benefits by our being His and His alone--such as we are!

It is hard to comprehend, all this. And yet after the hours of describing and discerning and laying it all out, even getting into the aspects of how a soul thus is cleansed and nourished in supernatural ways by His Blood, and when the Heart of Jesus became Sacred, at what point (when He was pierced), and that the Blood and Water carries significance to the soul nesting within His Heart, and on and on--the da asked another question.

"This seems all very, very good and true. Why have I not considered this before? Why have I not heard of this? Why has this not be explained or written?"

The hermit responded, "It probably has. Maybe we just never comprehended it before."

Yes, we felt that was surely it. And he wondered also why he had not considered the notion of the "genderless soul", for it made sense to him how it thus could be that a priest could then easily love Jesus, to also be a Bride of Christ. The gender of his maleness as the outercovering of his soul on this earth, no longer stood in the way, for it was by his genderless soul that he could be Christ's Bride.

"How will it be simple or easy to exist in the Sacred Heart?" he asked at one point in the discussion. Well, no matter when it is that the soul deeply comprehends that we ARE in the Sacred Heart, not perfect, but that Jesus DESIRES us to be in His Heart, and to view and experience and be taken in all manner from within His Heart, to what He views and experiences and where He goes, there then will be some effort involved on the part of the soul. But it is a pleasant--a beautiful and joyous and peaceful--effort! The soul is as a baby learning a new world, a new existence, and there may be some falls, but the baby does not mind and keeps striving. As in a child going to school for the first time or an adult beginning a new job, it might seem like more effort at first, but after a truly short while, the soul who comprehends its nesting within the Sacred Heart becomes accustomed to the relationship, the union, the seeing and sensing and experiencing all as Jesus does. It becomes, truly, first-nature--not second-nature. Our other-than-God experience is second-nature, for the soul is created to be united in God.

Yes, in this sense of St. Paul exclaiming that it is not he who lives but Christ living, the genderless soul in its nothingness, nesting in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, is no longer itself but has turned into that Heart of all Beingness and Love.

Not perfect, but detached enough from all that is not God, in ordered love, so as to not be incongruous with Jesus' Heart. The growth continues, but the soul is not cast out as long as it continues the awareness and veritable acceptance that, yes, its genderless soul is in truth no longer outside but is inside the Sacred Heart. All else matters not, for the view, the breathless breathing, the very intellect and will, becomes one in Christo.

Why Aren't There More Saints?

2007-12-08T05:51:00.000-08:00

The spiritual da and anam cara called a few nights ago. He asked, "Why are there not more saints?"

The hermit answered. The Da then said, "Yes, it takes effort, doesn't it?"

We discussed single-mindedness of purpose: omnia pro Deo. We discussed the many distractions, even those within the interior life.

This is not the first time he has asked the hermit this question. Often he follows it with : We need MORE saints! The CHURCH needs more saints! Why does not God give them to us?

The hermit, in the next few days pondered his questions all the more, and then mentioned it to the confessor. The confessor commented that we won't know who are saints until heaven. But the hermit said that the spiritual da means to stir the soul to ponder, and then to strive all the more to be consumed in and for and by God--to have that single-minded focus.

More and more, the hermit pondered the situation of saints. The da had asked if I see many people about who are striving for this purpose, this single-minded focus on God. The hermit does "see" people about, striving. The hermit does not know, of course, the extent of their striving, and it does not matter, but the hermit "sees" in a kind of sensing mode, souls in the vicinity at daily Mass--souls who effect holiness, somehow, in ways not outward, but in their presence. The hermit is aware of souls encountered in correspondence who strive to improve spiritual lives. So,yes, surely God is providing saints.

Later, the hermit spoke with the spiritual da about this. He is in a situation of consecrated religious women who have lost their charism as a group, but there are a few very holy women, striving within their circumstances, to remain true to their vows and the Church. Sadly, the bulk are angry and sad women, and the congregation has ceased to grow and is dying out.

But the da and the hermit spoke of saints. The hermit suggested that people are so distracted by sensational news daily, and of sensational movies and television, that perhaps God has provided an age not of sensational saints, but of the hidden saints. I asked, "Did the people pay attention to the sign of Jonas?" Are there many Catholics, themselves, who we encounter who do not know anything about Padre Pio, for example, or who ignored or disdained what he stood for, in his own time, which is in our own time?

So perhaps we are in the era of subtle saints, of many "undercover" saints. These are souls who God intends to sanctify, but in very quiet, hidden ways. Perhaps it is more the groundswell of saints in everyday life, striving in very hidden and small details, in their single-mindedes in God.

Maybe they are the many, and maybe they are to be the spiritual da, also--that he and I and all those many other lowly ones are to be the groundswell of saints that God is giving the world in our time.

If so, we concluded there is work to be done within our souls, with our efforts of cooperating, in fine-tuning the virtues, in seeking conversions unto the deepest conversion of our souls in union with God-is-Love.

Corrected View from Within the Sacred Heart

2007-12-06T05:05:00.000-08:00

During the night, the hermit was shown a corrected view from within the Sacred Heart.

What does Jesus see?

In addition to the goodness and love, to seeing the hope in souls--of the capabilities of souls to experience the Three Conversions of the spiritual life--there is also another view.

The hermit was shown the sins of the world. Depravity upon depravity: evil and taint. Total disregard for holiness, the opposite of good, ignorance of God, disdain for other souls through self-absorption in banal, surface activities and thoughts, endeavors swirling, in addition to daily and nightly perversities.

There were all kinds of perversities; confusion stirred metaphorically, and actions went awry. People were ignorant and stupid--and unaware of depth. There was also sheer evil, but without souls thinking their actions to be evil...like a kind of glossed over evil without remorse, for they didn't even see the gross wrongs. Then there were others who attempted to do something good but stirred it up and there was taint in it, all the same, for some aspects of the soul had taint. Some had grotesque sexual deviancies and attachment to their sexuality. Then there were others with disorder, and trying to clear it up without doing it properly--just rushing through, covering things over.

The way to view from within His Heart remains the same: with a view of love and mercy and hope. But what is seen is not so good, not always. Much is good, but the other must be viewed; and the antidote seems to be prayer and penance, and offering oneself to be utilized in the work of reparation.

Anyway, the hermit finds that being in a store is a microcosm of the world, and for the most part, it is clutter, disorder, stuff, junk, some necessities and some good, but otherwise a delusion--and nearly an illusion. For the most part, it brings unrest to the soul and unless the soul is imbedded in the Sacred Heart and only there for a specified need, the soul is weakened "in the womb." Many of life's experiences could fall into this category--television and movies can do this to the soul: that not of holy intent nor of holy content.

What is "perverse"? It is the turn from what is good and right: to turn from ordered love.

Those genderless souls, in their nothingness, who nest within the Sacred Heart of Jesus look out upon the world with the love of Jesus, with the love and mercy of His sight--but with the reality of what He sees.

Even the embryo within the womb is not perfect.

This morning, the hermit looks out upon the pristine snow: the first snowfall at Agnus Dei. Lake Immaculata is not yet frozen over.

Two ten-day-old bran muffins are the breakfast fare, and a cup of coffee, no sugar or cream. It is time for prayer and penance within the Sacred Heart of Jesus. We will pray and sacrifice in love, viewing the world and all in it, greeting whatever transpires momentarily through the day and night, with mercy.

There is hope in the view, despite the sorrows of the world.

Hermit Nests Within the Sacred Heart

2007-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

The hermit has struggled a bit recently with being viewed. This is rather a self-centered problem of the ego, the who-I-am.

The Lord desires the hermit to ponder this, and lessons come from all directions. The hermit's writer friend wrote in his novel, the main character's discovering who he "really is"--and had left that discovery at the level of the character's sexual identity. This is a seed on the surface of senses.

The hermit then felt the returning pricks of being noticed, of being viewed by others, of being objectified. Who is the person: that one who comes and goes from Mass, who on occasion is an extraoridinary Minister of the Eucharist, who on occasion is a lector at weekday Mass, who seems not to socialize, has adult children not in the area, lives someplace unknown, often has a book in hand, goes to confession frequently, is tall, thin, older, and now dressed in tasteful, proper, more formal attire?

For the most part, the outer aspects serve as a privacy fence about the hermit's personhood. Only a handful of closest encounters have heard the "hermit" descriptor used. It means nothing to the bulk who do not know what a hermit is. And who is the hermit?

Again, the outer apparel, the garb, the "habit", has become a point of consternation. The hermit made a trip to the store the other day, to return some items, to purchase some gifts for the Church's "giving tree" program, and also to see about some additional black and brown sweaters to layer in the cold winter months. The hermit found several, some clearanced, all low prices but nice quality, all very classic and tasteful. The cart was mounded, as the hermit needed to determine sizes and fit, and to think through what would be beneficial or not.

Along came a person from the hermit's Church, who in the past has made remarks of establishing authority and territory. The hermit shrinks from such needs. The person commented to the hermit that soon the hermit will become a fashion model. This comment was yet another threat to the hermit's peace; and the hermit began to explain the habit, the black and brown, the having rid out all else in an attempt to not be noticed--but stopped. The person making the comment did not need to know the interior reasons the hermit has for this or that. "He spoke not; He opened not His mouth."

No, the hermit must root out the issues that reside within the hermit. Awkwardness from an early age, not feeling comfortable in being noticed, not appreciating comments on "looks" or "outer appearances"--all contribute. But the hermit cannot (and ought not!) control what others notice or what they choose to make comment.

This brings the hermit to the point of having asked the confessor about taking up more austerities, of being more ascetical. And this morning after Mass, the hermit shared with the priest how it seems Jesus prefers the "austerity" of a soul--a genderless soul--in nothingness, to nest within His Sacred Heart. It seemed this nesting is austerity itself, for from within the Sacred Heart, the genderless soul views all from Christ's view, and thus nothing of the exterior really matters all that much.

But yet it matters in the view and sense of love. And in love, by love, and for love--all temporalities and objects must be viewed. As the Carthusian wrote of detachment not meaning that one does not love things, from within the Sacred Heart the genderless soul loves all that Jesus loves. And Jesus loves all that is of God and all that can be of God.

The priest this morning at first said that being in the Sacred Heart is not an austerity. Then he said, that of course, from the world's view, it would seem an austerity; but from the spiritual realm, and for the soul's existence, nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus is very rich indeed, and very good! In fact, he said there is none richer.

Nesting within the Sacred Heart of Jesus is so perfectly internal that it places all externals in order. It creates an ordered love; and love of objects, people, thoughts, comments, actions, intentions--when loved from within the Sacred Heart--are loved appropriately. From within the Sacred Heart, the view is not of extremes, for their is naught but stability within this Heart. There is not re-action to actions not so loving or not from the Heart, nor lesser than purity and goodness.

The hermit pondered being inside the Sacred Heart and the peace, love, joy, security.... All the Nine S' reside in His Heart: silence, solitude, slowness, suffering (Jesus' wound is in His Heart), selflessness, simplicity, stability, stillness, and serenity. All is in order, and the genderless soul in nothingness is thus not concerned with what is not but rather with what is. The outer realm then becomes one to be viewed and also that which is to be put to order, in kind.

This process emanates from some mysterious center point in the darkness of the Sacred Heart--so mysterious as to be not pinpointed, and barely ponderable. It is rather a reverse of ordering, from the soul with its will and intellect (and understanding) to the imagination to the emotions to the senses at the outer ring, back out into the temporal. All is put into order, into ordered love. Detachments become disciplined by love, and the body's functions are lovingly ordered with proper health and maintenance. The cleanliness, posture, tidiness, and appropriate apparel are put in loving order. The hermitage and all its lovely, comforting and useful items are put into order. The books are put into order. The vehicle is put into order. The garden is put into order. The food to prepare and eat are put into order. The other-encounters are put into order. The hours and minutes and moments are put into order with nothing allowed that is not of God, not befitting the Sacred Heart.

At the same time, the emotions are put into order; the imagination--the nightdreams and daydreams--are put into order, the intellect and will are put into order: all is lovingly ordered to the loving and perfect propriety of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Thus, it is not a matter of taking "the discipline" unless that brings loving order, or of dieting unless that brings gluttony into loving order, or of ridding out material objects unless that brings excess and not-of-God-objects into loving order. Discipline is used to bring vices, bringing other-than-God, into loving order.

How large is the Sacred Heart? It is large enough to hold all genderless souls and all their ordered loves.

It comes down to love, to order, to loving order.

The hermit pondered what the priest said, and exclaimed gratitude, for the hermit had not considered austerities in this light, and also had not considered how very rich is what the world would consider barren.

Perhaps the person commenting on the hermit's outer appearance and apparel might consider the acoutrements of body to be rich, when it is the acoutrements of soul that may be far the richer. And that person may not come to know what is within the hermit and within Whom the hermit nests--unless in time that person enters into the Sacred Heart as a genderless soul, in nothingness, to view others from a light in the darkness.

And this is how all souls should exist and make their views be known: from within the Sacred Heart.

The hermit stopped at a bakery on the way back to Agnus Dei and purchased a walnut-date, caramel-iced, Danish roll. The hermit, as genderless soul, was celebrating the view from within the Sacred Heart, from the nest of Love. The soul who waited on the hermit remains a genderless soul, but one quite pleasant and helpful; and the money spent was a tiny bit helpful for that baker-soul's daily bread. Love was exchanged in the order, and the Danish roll was later eaten in orderly love.

Does this make sense? Has the hermit learned a more perfect perspective of ascetism, austerity, orderly love and richness?

Good Advice for Hermits, Taken from Caryll Houselander

2007-12-05T10:31:00.000-08:00

Caryll Houselander, inThe Reed of God, gives what seem to be excellent advice for hermits.

These words joggle the hermit who writes these blogs! It is ever a reminder of the call to silence, to nothingness, to obscurity from any notice in and by the world. A hermit is to be a seed--yes, that seed crushed, fallen to the ground to be buried, to die, in order that life may be brought forth.

"It is not necessary at this stage of our contemplation to speak to others of the mystery of life growing in us. It is only necessary to give ourselves to that life, all that we are, to pray without ceasing, not by a continual effort to concentrate our minds but by a growing awareness that Christ is being formed in our lives from what we are. We must trust Him for this, because it is not a time to see his face, we must possess Him secretly and in darkness, as the earth possesses the seed. We must not try to force Christ's growth in us, but with a deep gratitude for the light burning secretly in our darkness, we must fold our concentrated love upon Him like earth, surrounding, holding, nourishing the seed....

"The light is shining in the darkness, but the darkness does not comprehend it.

"To such a soul in such a condition, peace will come as soon as it turns to Our Lady and imitates her. In her the Word of God chose to be silent for the season measured by God. She, too, was silent; in her the light of the world shone in darkness. Today, in many souls, Christ asks that He may grow secretly, that He may be the light shining in the darkness."

Houselander, Caryll. The Reed of God. 1944. New York: Sheed & Ward, pp. 45-46; 51-52.

The hermit wonders about the sharing of the process of the growth, for that is in a way sharing the growth. Perhaps even in writing in a blog venue, the growth is not secret, not buried in black loam. Yet there remains in this hermit a need for expression, of chronicling the hermit experience, much as a botanist studies the process of a seed and its gestation, its growth into fruition. Anonymity is the saving grace in this. The hermit is no one, nothing, a genderless seed.

More Challenges to Holy Peace; and Detachment by A Carthusian

2007-12-04T06:10:00.000-08:00

The hermit, in the immensity of silence and rest, more distinctly detects the challenges to holy peace--that peace which the Lord bestowed now some ten weeks ago.

Yes, the comment has been made to the hermit that the peace is "for now", and that it might not last; but this from an active soul who does not comprehend that bestowed holy peace does not depart. However, it can be challenged, and if the peace-filled soul does not guard the rampart, the peace can be assaulted and seemingly diminished, with wounded, weakened effect. This is not God's doing, but by the negligence of a doubting or distracted soul.

Thus far, as has been written, the peace is challenged by the world, by the hermit's editing the novel for an "assignee" who struggles with vice. Not only was love required as the bulwark to restore the inner peace, but also love was required in action--in confronting the novelist with the unholiness of his characters, and that they must not be left in "Babylon", but must be fleshed out and delivered through words, into the "three conversions". To this, the hermit has finally convinced the writer to read Pere Garrigou-Lagrange's life-altering book, The Three Conversions of the Spiritual Life. It is all love--to pray, to act, to speak, to write in love. It is love that counters the challenges to holy peace.

Another challenge came, as was written, with the effort in being hospitable to a child; and this might be a challenge for the hermit to host any guests, for one must become selfless in doing so. It is expended effort, after all, of a physical nature, and when illness or other suffering is part of the hermit's existence, chronically so, the effort is all the more demanding. But what is of greatest need is the selflessness required, and of seeing the self as Christ making the effort, of Christ greeting and hosting the guest or guests. It is thus, Christ's suffering body getting up in the middle of the night to comfort a crying baby, Christ's virtue of patience being called to the front lines of a child's testiness, Christ's love of souls which smiles and greets guests and listens and encourages and challenges and does whatever necessary to uplift souls who come either in person or on the phone or over internet.

The hermit was waiting for yet another type of challenge to holy peace, and this was anticipated in human suffering. So a higher level of physical pain arrived in the hermit's body Saturday night, and the hermit burned as an immolation of fiery pain all night. The form of love required to endure was a loving submission to the pain, of being Christ lying on the cross (in a comfortable bed made not so comfortable by the physical suffering), of being Christ praying "Thy will be done" and "unto Thee, O God, I commend my spirit." Submission, surrender to God, yes, is an antidote to the challenges to holy peace.

But yet another challenge to holy peace came in a surprise package after Mass. The hermit always greets, as do others, the priest, and this with a handshake, for the priest has always shaken the hermit's hand and exchanged a few words, or the hermit has at times, if others not around, been able to ask a question or share some aspect of struggle in the hermit's spiritual life, and gain guidance in a quick exchange. This time, the hermit reached out the hand in gesture to shake the other's hand, and the priest kept his hand clenched in partial fist, tight up against the purple Advent robe or mantle. Not knowing how to respond, the hermit instinctively thrust out the hand once more, as if to say, "shake hands"--in confusion as to this uncertain non-response.

So the priest did, then, shake hands. And the brief exchange of words was met with affect of nervous stutter and laughter, and a drifting motion down the aisle, like a babbling brook awkwardly gliding away. It was odd, but the hermit dismissed it as an elderly woman appeared who needed a ride home on this night of an ice storm, requiring focused driving. But as the hermit and the woman (and her walker) slowly ambled the aisle to exit, the hermit noticed the priest quite calmly conversing with others.

During the night, perhaps every hour or so, the hermit was suffered to be shown in inner sight, a close-up of the priest's clenched hand, tight up against the purple Advent mantle, smooth-fleshed, skin-white, and immovable just above the waist.

The repetitive nature of this cropped version would not depart, and the hermit's holy peace was challenged in a different way. What did this mean? And then the hermit reflected upon the nervousness, the gliding away--the sense of rejection in such a subtle and otherwise insignificant exchange. But the Lord desired the hermit to ponder this, and to not forget, as the view was repeated over and over.

So the hermit did reflect, and the reflection was an annoyance to the hermit, for it seemed not peaceful. It required self-examination, and while the hermit considered possibilities, such as the priest not wanting to shake hands due to germs, the nervousness added to the scene, and the babbling repetition of what the hermit had said, or that it was just incidental.

Love, once more, is the required response. In charity, the hermit will think of the other's comfort zone and not intrude. Considering the cleric is the hermit's confessor, and the confessor is not available for confession regularly, considered that the message was intended by God to stir the hermit out of peace enough to speak the message.

Had the hermit become attached to this confessor? Yes, the hermit reflected that the confessor was the most beneficial the hermit had ever experienced, but in ways of virtues, particularly meekness. Also, the confessor exhibited the quiet and gentleness, the affect of the hermit's late father, and of the hermit's spiritual da, and these qualities are ones the hermit aspires to in equanimity of spirit, in smoothness and a kind of graceful calm: Unruffled by intrusions--intrusions into holy peace!

The Lord, however, desires holy indifference and spiritual detachment. The hermit thus concluded that in this case, the jabs at holy peace were helpful jabs in order to bring a fault to the fore. The antidote in love, then, includes self-correction--a charity to the soul.

The hermit concluded that the need for weekly confession is a good one; and the hermit would therefore go to whatever confessor (bar one who is sadly tainted with new age ideologies). If the regular confessor is available, fine. If not, fine. Challenges to inner peace can be due to impurities and imperfections within the soul itself--or just not doing quite what God desires in varying details that slither by the soul's exterior awareness.

Thus, it was a joy and restoration when the hermit happened to be reading last night from They Speak by Silences by A Carthusian--a selection on "True Detachment."

Too often people imagine that Christian detachment consists in loving nothing. This is terribly wrong. Never has there been a heart more loving than the heart of Jesus, and our hearts should be modelled on His. To love is the great, indeed the only, commandment. "This is the first commandment...thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart...and they neighbor." There you have the whole Gospel, the whole of God, Who is Love itself. Love yes, but an ordered love, which is a living and communicating force, capable of immolating everything that prevents it from giving itself.

And this immolation to Love of all that is not love is what we call detachment. Detachment, then, is the negative side of attachment (or love). It is detachment which 'sets in order' our loves....He has set in order charity in me. The God of Love, living in a soul, causes it to love all other beings, in so far as they participate in Him, Who is Being. The soul must love them as God loves them--that is to say, in the same way as God gives Himself to them. It is this gift of Infinite Being to a finite being that gives it life, and is the measure of our love. Our love, measured by God himself and by what we find of Him in His works, is an ordered love. This being so, there must be no attachments which are not in conformity with this rule. If the soul finds any such within itself, it does not suppress them, it disciplines them. This idea of order is at the root of everything. Detachment is the condition of order, just as order is the condition of love. And that is why it can be said that detachment is 'ordered love.'

The hermit must ponder these truths. The busy cleric, then must be approached in ordered love, as an assignment much as Pinnochio was an assignment of the Blue Fairy, in that Pinnochio was brought to actualization. Is this not the work of love in souls? But it must be not an attached work but one of ordered love, of giving life through love of the beingness in others that is in God. The hermit must learn to approach all souls as approaching Christ Who is in them.

Ordered love must approach softly, gently, in God's time, and with ordered perception of the other. Yes, this too is the way in which we must approach our own souls and to ensure the ordered protection of the loving, holy peace bestowed by God.

[Later, the hermit did practice this approach to the cleric, and even mentioned that the cleric probably did not notice the clenched hand and the hermit forcing a response. No, the cleric had not noticed, but the hermit was able to express what has been learned, and of how one must approach others as if approaching Christ. The Lord wants attention to be on Him, and only to see Him in others, and to treat Him through others, in charity.]

More Hermit Hospitality

2007-11-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hermits are to drop what they are doing when an opportunity for hospitality arrives. Of course, this would include not dropping the spiritual focus of the hermit's life and existence.

The youngest visitor to Agnus Dei has been here three days. She is 15 months old, had never been to a church, has not been taught prayers or seen people pray. She is at an age in which the instinct to testing the negatives has begun. The hermit has tried to drop the usual routine yet maintain the solitude and peace. The hermit and the guest went to Mass two mornings, with the second Mass being difficult; the child became quite active.

The hermit recognizes weakness in the physical endurance. Patience is challenged. An added long-term sinus problem has lent to the exhaustion, in addition to the chronic pain. There has been no attempt, though, to busy the child with going here or there. Frankly, the hermit is taxed with the lifting and getting the child in and out of the car seat!

But the child has had adjustment, as well. The child is used to the stimulation of two parents, much activity, much conversation between mother and father, television and day care, driving to and from, and errands. Plus, there are far more toys at home.

The hermit has maintained the same stillness, as much as possible. There develop times of challenge: after two days the child tests and challenges right and wrong: authority. At those points, the hermit's patience is shaken. Attempts to distract the child fail; a stern word is used: "No!". The power struggle ensues.

How do such small children develop a taste for wrong-doing--evil in a modified form? Is it our original sin? Is it our instinct to test and to desire that which we have come to learn we are not to have or touch?

The hermit's inner peace is increasingly challenged as the visit continues. Memories of the past taunt the peace...memories of rearing three children, solo, and in ill-health. The feelings of inadequacy, of knowing patience wore far too thin, of wishing things could have been different, could have been better, easier, calmer.
The memories extend to childhood and the hermit's grandmother. How did she manage with so many grandchildren, and often alone with them, and older than the hermit but without the physical pain.

The grandmother's patience is recalled, and the realization of such self-sacrifice for years as a widow, and of living with various adult children and their children.

The hermit attempted no other tasks during the toddler's visit. On the final morning, when the hermit had fed the child, to the brim, the hermit needed to eat. The child did not like this slight lack of attention; the hermit firmly explained that it was only fair now, that the grandparent got ten minutes to eat a rather hardened bran muffin adn drink a cup of coffee!

Later, when the child decided to pull large books off a shelf--something she knew was not allowed and had not attempted previously--the hermit snapped the books back, replaced them, and realized that one must be as one is, and this hermit does not tolerate belligerence, not in even a toddler.

G.K. Chesterton writes of boundaries, of borders and frames, in his book Orthodoxy. Much of life has framework, and the boundaries help focus the vision and bring about greater appreciation and beauty in what is seen and experienced. He uses an example of a stage. What would a performance be without the boundaries of the stage, the framework on four sides and back, and no curtains? How could the eyes and mind focus appreciably on the performance?

The hermit learned something of boundaries from the youngest visitor to Agnus Dei. The hermitage remains as it is, in its function and purpose, its designation as a house of protection, respite, prayer and spiritual succor. Visitors enter into the hermitage much as a patron views a play. Once within the framework, the purpose is as within that framework. The visitors enter into the hermit's world, within reasonable expectation, age considered.

Yet, the young one did adapt to quite a change from her world of two busy and active parents, two dogs and a cat, television, day care with oodles of children and stimulation and much noise, and errands here and there. At Agnus Dei there was just the hermit grandparent, scenery as seen from large windows, two experiences at Mass, one trip to the grocery, the silence of Lake Immaculata, and the noise of an occasional train and a rumbling earth mover. The hermit demonstrated prayers before meals and at bedtime, and the little one saw for the first time, pictures of Jesus and was told "That is Jesus" and "Jesus loves you." She saw many religious sacramentals about the hermitage. It was a time of taking it in.

The hermit learned that the hermit does have limits as to what is allowed and not allowed in behavior of guests, even the tiniest. These limits or boundaries are expectations of manners and of learning that some things are not to be touched and other things are. Distraction can be a good thing, but sometimes a rebuke is acceptable, as well.

Do we not have expectations from Our Heavenly Father? Did not Our Lord, as a human child come from Heaven, learn also from Mary, the boundaries of earthly interactions? And that peace reigns in order and cooperation, in good and not evil, and very much thrives in the Order of the Present Moment. Memories and wonderings, past and future, remove the soul from the peace at hand.

The experience of this youngest visitor to Agnus Dei lends itself to the Advent Season, now approaching. It is a time to bring Christ to the young one, and to take Christ to the parents through the young one, and to all who enter Agnus Dei, and to all to whom the hermit meets when going out. It is a period of gestation in which the hermit learns the way of the present, of how Christ will BE in situations of serving guests, of interacting with guests, of living within the framework of Christ-life: learning, waiting in patience for the growth, loving even the fumbles in attempts to be Christ to and in the present, for others--even wee others.

Love and Peace

2007-11-26T06:32:00.001-08:00

The hermit has been pondering peace in its relationship to love--and love and its relationship to peace.

It seemed as if in many instances, peace could be interchanged with love. Peace is spoken more frequently in the liturgy of the Mass than the word "love."

Yet, the hermit asked the VG and another priest, and a friend, and the attributes of peace are being distinguished from those of love.

The VG said they are different, and he thinks love is more active and peace not so active. I asked another priest, and he had much to say. He pointed out that peace is an interior disposition of the soul, and that it is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and comes by the Holy Spirit. He said that love is not only a fruit of the Holy Spirit but is also a gift of the Holy Spirit. Peace then is an outcome, more or less, of love.

He did say, also, that peace and love have a relationship. I hadn't thought about how peaceful are people who exude love, and loving people exude peace--I mean, truly loving and truly peaceful people. The priest intimated that for it to be true peace, it must be a fruit of the Holy Spirit. He said that when people think of peace between nations, that is not necessarily interior disposition but is rather a condition of agreement, which is not peace as God means: within souls. True peace must also come from love. Often nations, the native people, do not love each other but have made an agreement to not fight!

I wonder if, in the VG's comment, if love is really all that active. But, also it was said that love has an object: an object of love. Does peace have an object? No, I guess peace is just there, as an interior disposition within the soul; and it is rather passive. Love begets an effort, it seems, and wants to act, even if it is in thought and prayer--contemplative. Yet, perhaps as a fruit of the Holy Spirit, love also is passive and receives, such as the Trinity loves and receives one another in the Godhead. The Holy Spirit placed Love Itself in the womb of Mary: an action.

It is odd how the novel the hermit edited for a friend threatened to disrupt the peace. I think it is because the novel is tainted with impurity. It is not God's view, not His way. At first it was all right, but then the writer tried to make a perversion seem acceptable, or at least did not counter it as it is in God's view, but rather made it how he wanted it to be. I nearly went to confession this morning but will wait for the regular confessor, if possible. I felt that the image of these fictional characters would then be dispelled. But I think through prayer, through love of the goodness of God and of knowing how even small matters really do tell us what He wills, inner peace will be bulwarked. The one priest said that it is up to the person to make sure the peace, from the Holy Spirit, is not disrupted (or as I think of it: tainted). This comes under protecting our eyes and minds--all our senses--from that which is perverse. Corinthians 13 says: Charity dealeth not perversely. I looked up perverse, and the root means "turned away from what is right or good."

When one considers this, one has to be very firm with one's soul (and in that, the will and intellect) in discerning what is right and good. This morning at Mass, the priest spoke of selflessness, as the OT reading was about Daniel and the other three who gave themselves (were taken for the court) selflessly but also kept themselves purified by not defiling themselves with the King's food and wine; they did not go against their religious beliefs and eating laws. They sacrificed, in other words. The Gospel spoke Jesus' words about the woman who gave all her livelihood as opposed to those who give from their excess. But giving of our livelihood is also more than money or objects; it is giving of our soul to God, and this must be total.

Jesus says, "My peace I bequeath to you." The hermit continues in this peace. Ever since the hermit heard the word "bestowal" while driving, and then accepting that canonical approval was not going to be "bestowed," the hermit had the sense, the trust, that somehow something was going to be bestowed. At Mass the other day, the bestowal from Jesus came clear: His peace. There is peace of the Holy Spirit bestowed on the hermit.

The priest who explained most about peace and love, questioned when the hermit said God had bestowed peace? "Is this the peace of the Holy Spirit? Is it peace in the inner disposition of your soul?"

"Yes," the hermit responded, in awe and amazement at this reality, at this bestowal from God.

A couple others who have asked, have responded, "Well, for the time-being, anyway." Somehow the hermit knows that the peace bestowed through, with and in the Holy Spirit, is a peace that lasts eternally. Yet there is vigilance as in all fruit; and the fruit and gift of love, also, require vigilance, care, effort in the keeping. It is love that will bulwark the peace bestowed.

Love: the charity of not dealing perversely, the charity of not rejoicing in inequity but rejoicing in truth, the charity of patience and kindness, of forgiveness, of humility, not envying or coming to anger, of not seeking evil, not looking to oneself. Prayer of the soul, prayer of the intellect and will, prayer all for God, will protect the precious peace.

More Visitors to Agnus Dei Hermitage

2007-11-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

A young couple and their infant son visited Agnus Dei Hermitage. Soon into the visit, they outpoured a family situation in which the woman's father is emotionally abusive to his family, while keeping up a rather holy exterior in public. We discussed how this could be confronted in individual interventions. The hermit also gave a green scapular to be placed deep in her father's favorite chair or taped under the bed. Prayers and Communion offerings were promised--and being fulfilled.

An older couple arrived for dinner, as the hermit declined dining out, preferring the silence and stillness of Agnus Dei. The hermit has learned that choices need to be made to ensure more spiritual quality to hospitality. The trio ate black beans, risotto, greens, dark purple grapes, and a chocolate brownie each--this latter not typical fare. (Somehow the hermit has lost a sweet tooth in recent months or perhaps couple of years. Can't recall when!)

With this couple, the conversation opens more into people and events--all relative to the Catholic scene. However, the effect was not the same as the Catholic family who visited the night before and watched the film, Diary of a Country Priest. The couple required more effort, and the hermit did not do an exemplary job of diverting to spiritual heights. Yet, the conversation did not dip into detraction at any point. There was grumbling, though; the couple is leaving the Cathedral but with good reason, and God's will. Their work is in active ministry, and there is an outlying parish which will help foster the work God desires of them, better than a large and less-intimate Cathedral can facilitate.

With all guests, the hermit gives a gift, and usually one with holy connectedness--even if it is a jar of jam made at a Cistercian abbey. Sometimes it is a spiritual book being passed on, or a blessed medal, or in the case of the woman last night, some lovely clothes for her to wear since she is in the public eye with her focused and loving pro-life work. The presentation of herself is necessary with the presentation of this cause; and the hermit's habit does no longer includes the garments given. Everyone was pleased, especially the hermit whose wardrobe is fitting into the seed crushed and buried and died in order for new life to emerge.

The hermit improved in not doing much talking but of asking and listening. The couple asked, though, of the hermit's life, as the last time in conversation with them, the hermit was deep in the throes of spiritual confusion, darkness--and verily dunked by the devil. The hermit could sincerely report (whether they believed it or not), that the hermit has been given peace, that peace of God has been bestowed. There is no resentment but only gratitude to the Bishop and the Vicar General for keeping the hermit out of canonical approval, for in their wisdom the hermit has died and been released in more freedom to live the hermit life, in formation by God. The hermit stated that these two mentors and spiritual leaders have been formally thanked.

People often think that the peace is only temporary. Again, the hermit explains that the peace and the love are so co-united (and the hermit is pondering this union, considering peace and what it is, and love and what it is), that God does not take peace away. Only the hermit could let it diminish, or the devil could disrupt. Thus it is some effort at times, to listen to the soul and the intellect and will--to discern if the peace is jarred, and why, and to utilize love to settle the peace once again.

Visitors to the hermitage are very good, whether in person or on telephone, or in a way, via e-mail. They are welcome aspects of love, peace and practice in both. But solitude is welcome, also; and so too the presence of angels and saints in their silence and serenity.

Attempts to Unseat Peace

2007-11-24T05:08:00.002-08:00

Is it the devil who is trying to unseat the peace, or is it God who is trying the hermit in order to strengthen the peace bequeathed?

The hermit prefers to ponder God's love: that God is strengthening the hermit in cooperation with the peace bequeathed--a peace that seems impervious to other than peace.

Other than peace comes in varying degrees and packages. The hermit was to travel to a nearby city to spend the night and celebrate a holiday with others. Two hours prior to departure, the hermit worshipped at noon Mass. After, the hermit noticed the window of the car bashed in--glass shards covering the interior, rain down-pouring.

It would be two days until the window would arrive for replacement; the hermit has an older car which required a special order. The travel plans were canceled. It took over an hour, later that evening, to vacuum the glass and tape plastic over the open space so the hermit could get to morning Mass. The car seats are yet drying out.

Others thought this a sorrowful calamity; the hermit thought not. It was peace and God's gift of His will for no travel and days of silence and holy rest--not just for the hermit but for the ones to be visited who live busy lives. The hermit was sorry that the ones breaking into the car only got a pocketbook with partially used tissues and a pill box with two aspirin. Why would anyone leave a pocketbook with valuables in a car? The vandals did not consider this.

The event offered a pleasant encounter with the insurance agent as well as with the police as well as with the workers at the glass replacement shop. The hermit also was able to worship at the Mass the next morning at which the Bishop and Rector concelebrated. And the hermit appreciated a lovely conversation with those to have been visited.

There have been interior dealings which hitherto would have caused disruption of peace; but the peace endures. One such thorn is the editing of a novel a recent assignee has written. The hermit has not read fiction in years and would consider, perhaps, fiction by Mauriac or Bernanos, by O'Connor or Undset. But there are so many delectible spiritual books, non-fiction, for benefit. This novel is prayer and penance in the reading: the subject matter is nothing the hermit would read nor advise others to read unless, perhaps, they had the particular problem of same-sex attraction. Yet it is a good first-write, and it is an excellent catharsis for this person who is just now, mid-life, facing some deep issues.

The hermit considers love in regard to: love dealeth not perversely; love rejoiceth not in inequity but rejoiceth in truth. The hermit recognized that the reading and editing of this novel toyed with disrupting the peace; but as prayer for those with same-sex struggles, the hermit will complete the task. It is the prayer, the love for souls seeking truth, praying that they seek truth and find it, which will sustain this temporal task.

Nothing of earth is worth disruption of peace bequeathed by God. And nothing of Heaven will disrupt that peace. The devil may try, but love conquers all evil. Love rejoiceth in truth.

Is peace quite close to love? Jesus said, "My peace I bequeath to you." Is peace a facet of love, or is peace union with love as a soul by grace is in union with Christ?

Have You Become Love?

2007-11-21T05:55:00.000-08:00

Have you become Love, yet?

Has the hermit grown into God-is-Love? Has the hermit become Love?

Shortly before midnight, an "assignee" called the hermit. We talked. The assignee is having difficulty breaking free of past wants, of wanting to do what it is most likely (by all indications) the Lord has not willed for him, good as it is...what he desires to do.

The hermit offered this assignee a glimpse of the peace and freedom that comes in finally dying to what the self wills, and of being nothing. But nothing? Not quite.

The hermit spoke of perspective and of becoming God, of growing into God, of growing into God-is-Love, of growing into Love. In this state, one must be an observer. One must observe Jesus and comprehend what is Love. Then one must love.

Jesus observed. He looked over Jerusalem. Then He wept. He watched Zaccheus up in the tree; then He called Him down and the miracle ensued. He observed His disciples sleeping in Gethsemani; then He awoke them and spoke. He saw the devil enter into Judas; then He sent him on his way. He observed Martha and Mary; then He admonished one and upheld the other as example of choosing the better part. The observations of Jesus go on and on.

The assignee is not "there", yet. We both know this. The hermit was not "there" for a long time: years. But the dying came, and it is like going through the tunnel of death, and it is good. The death and resurrection require only surrender of an emptied self, with no place else to turn except God alone. To turn to God, to become Him, to become Love.

We went over the word become. It is only the self that stands in the way of union with Christ. Once the union is made and the caterpillar has become a butterfly (and maybe a common cabbage butterfly, but a butterfly all the same), the soul must view as God views, must love as God loves, since both are One, and all are One.

To be in God's will brings freedom and peace. Jesus bequeath's His peace upon the soul in union with Him: united in God's will.

The hermit commented upon Corinthians 13 and admitted must study these points on Love. The hermit must learn about Love in specific and in general; and then the hermit must live this Love, practice Love, incline to Love, and adore and adorn Love.

The Douey translation appeals. Here is Love, described:

Charity is patient, is kind;
charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up;
Is not ambitious, seeketh not her own; is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never falleth away....

But when that which is perfect is come, that which is in part shall be put away....

In observation and in practice, the hermit--amidst the Nine S'--must be:
patient, kind, not envious, involved only in good endeavors;
humble, not ambitious, seek nothing for self, not provoked/not angry, think only on good;
rejoice in truth and not in sin;
bear, believe, hope, and endure all.

This Love must never fall away, never cease.
When one grows into perfection--when perfect God, perfect Love is come--no longer will be imperfection, no more will exist disunion or partial union. Love will be full and fulfilled.

A Letter Arrives from the Spiritual Da

2007-11-19T16:43:00.000-08:00

The hermit received a letter from the Spiritual Da. He had listened to the two messages from the hermit, regarding the dream and questions asked.

He, of course, advised caution. The confessor had also stiffened with caution until the work in discernment was related.

But the Spiritual Da wrote then of what, truly, constitutes union, without saying as much.

He asked, "What is LOVE?"

Then answered his question: "It is dying to oneself and giving to ANOTHER."

Writing further, he admonished the hermit to be more concerned about God's love for the hermit than the hermit's love for God. In other words, he wrote: Be centered on God and not on yourself.

"Let your love for God be unselfish.
Often we love God's gifts more than we love Him."

And he repeated a warning he's given before: Be patient: Go slowly. You are driving too hard.

He closed by reminding the hermit to just enjoy the day, each day; and to know that God loves the hermit. As for the hermit's family, he advised to stand back, look and laugh at any foolishness, and yet know that God loves them. Be patient with them as God is very patient. And, finally: be happy!

The hermit asks and ponders: Have you grown into God yet?

In reflection, the hermit realizes that the Spiritual Da expresses what union with God means: Love. It is to be so much God, so in God, no longer "I" who lives but Christ who lives in the "I", that there is no more "I" The "I" ceases when it gives all to the OTHER, when the concern is on God's love, not the "I'" love. For the "I" has become God's love and is God's love, has the attributes of God's love, the character and appearance of God's love.

Thus, the "I" no longer an "I", but the "I" who is be-come God-is-Love, is patient and kind, is unselfish, and loves Love more than loves the affect of Love.

Do you understand? I think so. I think union with God is a matter of accepting and understanding Love. It is a matter of becoming Love.

This Is the Will of God

2007-11-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

The hermit went to early Mass and then confession. The deep peace and love continues; it is as if the soul is enwrapt in thick cotton yet able to perceive as if through mountain air.

The hermit told the confessor of the sense of having "crossed over", and of this being into eight weeks of such serenity and peace, verging on quiet bliss. Then the hermit mentioned how selfish it all seems--to have this contentment, for life to be so easy (although still with much pain--but unaffected by pain).

The confessor said this is not selfishness but rather God's will for the hermit's soul and vocation--that God had definitely called the soul to this and was demonstrating as proof, the peace and contentment.

Then the hermit explained the selfishness of collecting the Catholic books on mystics, victim souls, hermits, and interior life--more than what the hermit can read at once. Shouldn't that money go to the poor?

The confessor said that the hermit needs these books for the spiritual life and growth, and that the books will be passed on to others. He said this is not selfishness.

The hermit also mentioned the dream and message. At first the confessor was cautious when the hermit mentioned the question, but once explained, the confessor found it as it ought be, and union with God is something to be accepted, not hindered, by souls. Yes, and the grapes in the dream represented the mode given by God for us, to help ensure union: the Eucharist; His Precious Blood.

The hermit experienced yet another blissful day. More was accomplished in the hermitage, and only one errand was required for eye drops and antihistamine from a nearby pharmacy. The hermit is trying to bring more order to the hermitage, to straighten and clean and gather another bundle for St. Vincent de Paul's Thrift Shop.
Correspondence (spiritual, of course), some reading, praying in all things, and editing, plus a couple of received phone calls, filled out the day. Nothing phenomenal other than the phenomena of being in God's will moment by moment, offering each seeming triviality, even breath and inner peace: to God, for God, for His glory.

The Hermit Is Asked a Question

2007-11-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

Three nights ago the hermit had a dream. In it, the hermit's spiritual father appeared, bearing a clump of deep purple-blue grapes. He instructed the hermit that he'd brought them to be eaten. Some of the grapes had been eaten already, presumably by the spiritual father. It was a shared meal, thus.

Then the spiritual father, with much eagerness asked the hermit this question--and asked it twice in succession:

Have you become God? Have you become God yet?

There was intensity and enthusiam, an eagerness and hope that the hermit would share the excitement and joy of this question, the hope of the intent!

The hermit, however, was at first stunned, for the hermit is not God and said so. But then the hermit comprehended, and had to respond, "Not yet, not yet. The hermit knew that this was expected, and that it was good indeed: to become God.

Upon waking, the hermit recognized that this dream bore a significant message from God in the guise of the elderly spiritual father. But the dream needed to be placed in the collander of discernment and rinsed through and through.

A message was left with the spiritual father, relaying the dream and asking if this is theologically sound and Scriptural. The hermit went to confession with the first available priest, who happened to be a Canon lawyer from Nigeria. At the conclusion of confession, the hermit asked permission to ask a question of discernment, and relayed the dream.

The confessor gave the usual discernment admonitions but said that in Scripture St. Paul tried to express it thus: It is not now I who lives but Christ who liveth in me. He said that we are to become as God, to live in our minds, words and actions in our daily lives, as Jesus would live. He said this is a valid message.

Of course, the hermit explained that the hermit is NOT God Himself! The hermit mentioned having read some mystics and saints who, when they had union with God, would exclaim "I am God! God is me! We are One!" Now the hermit wishes to have written down these, but at the time the exuberance and confidence in such statements seemed uncomfortably strong, just as the hermit felt in the dream when asked with such joyful hopefulness: Have you become God yet?

Then the hermit did a word study, for the word "become" kept appearing as a critical clue.

become [AngloSaxon. Be-cuman to come, to happen.] to grow into or come to be; as, a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. To undergo change or development. To appropriate or suitable to; to accord with the character, appearance, nautre, etc., of.

The question is a good one, and one in which we all as Christians should aspire to be-coming! We should be willing and eager to grow into God, to come into God and to undergo change and development in order to be suitable to God--to accord with God's character, appearance and nature.

The hermit is now willing to become God. The hermit had never pondered it in such wise. May the Lord change the hermit--and how? Obviously, God was trying to let the hermit know that through the Eucharist, through the Blood of Christ as represented by the dark purplish grapes--that this is the meal that will change the soul to grow into God.

Then the soul will be appropriate to and suitable to God.

It is what God desires of all of souls--to become Him.

Do you understand now?

Walking with Head Turned Back

2007-11-17T06:09:00.000-08:00

A previous assignee called last evening. He continues to desire to be validated by the B, desires to return to his position. It is not his destiny.

Later, the hermit saw him in inner sight, walking the rushed streets of the large city where he is discovering his future by grappling with his past temptations. He is finding himself, and he is open now to God's will--except in this one category of a vocation entered into with deception. That is not a pure vocation. To be purified, he must enter into the vocation anew and in purity, if that vocation is God's will.

Yes, he was walking along, but the oddity is that he walked with his head turned to the right and back over his shoulder.

The hermit called and expected to leave a message, but the assignee answered; his meeting with the group was finished for the evening. The hermit told him that he is trying to walk with his head looking back, and this is not efficient walking! His head is turned back, trying to look down the highway back to where he used to be--and was living a life not free, not himself, and not successful for the temptations overtook his soul. It was a life of total deception.

The hermit told him that the hermit knows how this does not work, for the hermit has spent years trying to walk forward while yet looking back...or sometimes off to the side, watching what others were doing or what they were saying ought to be done.

No, souls must walk with heads looking forward as we are created in this manner and function. Our souls are meant to focus on Jesus, and He leads the Way of the Cross, not looking back. He leads the Way to Resurrection, not looking back.

A friend e-mailed in response to something the hermit wrote about the Catholic books purchased, this weakness for these holy books! This friend struggles with schizophrenia, yet more and more she is cooperating with the graces God gives. She lives a life perhaps more hermit-like than the hermit in some regards, yet not so in exterior solitude, yet very much so in the interior world and isolation that hovers about those with mental sufferings.

She commented that having a collection can be a good thing. She points out that even if all the books are not read by the hermit, they are here, available, and enduring about as much as temporalities endure. This makes me consider that the content exudes the space all about; and, as yesterday was the Feast of St. Gertrude the Great, and the hermit had awhile back discovered a small treasure book on this saint, picked it off the shelf and read a chapter.... It was very beneficial!

Another woman called a day or so ago, needing to discuss some issues with a college-age son. In her conversation, she mentioned that the books of saints the hermit had given them, have now been read by a woman and her family who live down the road from them.

The hermit will stop fussing about the books but be grateful for their presence and their ease in gifting and sharing the gold. As in the hermit garb, and the hermitage furnishings--all some day, soon or not soon, will be passed on in charity. Nothing of them is dark or evil, but only good in their affability as temporal objects. The important point to weigh is the hermit's attachment or detachment to any objects or views.

On yet another topic, the hermit all the more is grateful to the Bishop and Vicar General for not succumbing to the view that the hermit must be consecrated canonically. All during the throes of the hermit's confusion over this issue, the hermit was looking to the side and back, allowing influence through insecurities of what was seemingly required in order to be God's hermit and a hermit for His Church. The hermit had no peace.

Now there is peace. The hermit had trusted and stated to the Bishop that God would see through the eyes of the Bishop. The hermit has learned that this is so! Nothing can imitate the peace of the Holy Spirit--and not for such a length of blissful time! Whatever may be the will of God in other hermits, this hermit is willed to be as is: privately consecrated and avowed.

There is no inner need or desire otherwise, now or in future. So be it and praise be to God! When in the past the VG said that God would provide the graces that othewise come through the Church in canonical approval, he is proven correct in God's peace and providence.

Also, there is complete peace in no urgings to utilize past training, talents, degrees--no urgency to write a book or be published, no urgency to work for the Church in any formal or even informal tasks, no desires for anything except to adore God, to be possessed and to possess.

The hermit tried to express this to the assignee who called last evening. This is what is out there for us, this blissful peace! But more on that in another post, perhaps.

Caryll Houselander Writes of a "Rule"

2007-11-17T05:50:00.000-08:00

The hermit read the first chapter of Reed of God by the dear eccentric and mystic Caryll Houselander. The hermit loves to look at Caryll's photo on the dustcover, for she reminds the hermit of the equally beloved Flannery O'Connor.

As Flannery once wrote in a letter that she was a "literary hermit," one could surmise that Caryll was a hermit of the interior vistas in London.

Caryll mentions in the Introduction that "we need some direction for our souls which is never away from us; which, without enslaving us or narrowing our vision, enters into every detail of our life."

This is the need for a rule. The need for a rule of life is not just the hermit's need, but it is the need for every soul created by God. As has been written in previous blogs, the rules of the Virgin Mary, the rules of various saints, the rules of obscure hermits, the rules of great religious orders--the rules are unique to the individual soul or souls. In the case of religious communities, the rule is set but each soul lives out that rule in the unique way God forms that soul...and in the unique way each soul conforms with God's will in that very formation.

Caryll Houselander continues on the topic of a rule:

Everyone longs for some such inward rule, a universal rule as big as the immeasurable law of love, yet as little as the narrowness of our daily routine. It must be so truly part of us all that it makes us all one, and yet to each one the secret of his own life with God.

Houselander, Caryll. The Reed of God. 1944. New York: Sheed & Ward, p. xiii.

The hermit cannot comment on such profundity as this! Sip slowly in the silence and solitude.

Another S: Selfish

2007-11-16T06:12:00.000-08:00

The hermit feels selfish. Mentioning this to the spiritual da, the da said only, "Perhaps a little." It is difficult to ascertain. We do not know for sure, not yet.

The hermit mentioned to a priest, sometimes a confessor, the feeling of selfishness, the feeling of too much comfort and not enough austerity, and he pointed out that feelings were rooted in the actions of Adam and Eve, and to discern the spirits regarding the feelings I am having. The devil can try to disrupt peace through "feelings."

St. John of the Cross includes the imagination, the emotions (feelings), as part of those rings wrapping around the inner-sanctum of the soul's will and intellect, as areas of free-encounter by the devil. The devil is allowed into these outer rings of senses and emotion and imagination; the will and intellect must monitor and proceed toward union with the Divine Mind and Will.

Here's a current difficulty: the hermit has gathered a lovely variety for the garb. While the garments are all discount, they are of lovely quality and classic style. The hermit is well-dressed, quite lovely for Mass and in outer exposure in the world. "Put together" is the term the adult children use, and "proper". Most do not know the symbolism of the seed crushed and fallen to the ground, buried to die in order to bring forth new life. This is fine. But it is a niggling point to the hermit--such lovely garb and comfort exteriorly.

Another difficulty is that the hermit has purchased yet more classic Catholic books on mysticism, hermit life, and saints. There is a guilt attached to the acquisition of such old books, some scarce,and yet so very worthwhile. But should the money be going to the poor? Perhaps someday these books will go to the poor--to poor Catholics or others who might be enriched in spiritual matters as a result of reading the books. Yet, the books gather, and the hermit does not begin to get all of them read, not yet, anyway.

There is a certain comfort--yes comfort--in having these holy writings from the saints and spiritual masters on the hermitage library shelves and lying about on end tables. The hermit works slowly through two or three or four books concurrently. The hermit began Caryll Houselander's Reed of God last night, spurred on by the delight a friend, struggling with issues, is finding in this selection which is the conclusion of our year of readings with Our Lady.

Then there is the selfishness the hermit feels with this massive and on-going PEACE. The hermit continues into the seventh week of a peace that passes all the hermit's understanding. The hermit loves to be in the hermitage. The hermit loves going to Mass. The hermit otherwise has no other desires but to be alone with God, to pray for others, to ponder and read and write and maintain the few responsibilities. A kind of bliss--maybe the serenity which is the ninth S--persists despite the pain.

During the night the hermit was awake a couple of hours. The hermit does not get far in praying the rosary--perhaps the Creed and Our Father and a few Hail Mary's. But then the hermit thinks about people who've asked for prayers--or those the hermit knows to pray for. The hermit simply lies there and ponders God, ponders the silence and this life of comfort, seeming comfort. The hermit prays for the people in the world, for souls in purgatory--for whatever comes to mind. It all seems so easy: too easy.

Then the hermit considers that perhaps Jesus wants life to be like this, to be easy as His yoke is easy; nearly burdenless as His burdens are light. The hermit ponders what other aspects of the world could be lopped off? In Caryll Houselander's first chapter, "Emptiness", she writes of how we exclude silence by filling our reed, our chalice, our nest--with clutter.

Are the books clutter? Are the items of the habit clutter? Is the cream for the cuticle clutter and comfort unnecessary and displeasing to the Lord? Are the orchids growing (and two more dying) clutter? Were the contacts with the people made through the purchases, clutter? No. These contacts had meaning, and more meaning than the items purchased. It is the contacts with the people that are the music of the reed, the Blood of the chalice, the lining of the nest.

Perhaps the hermit is selfish. Undoubtedly the hermit is--too much self, as ridding of self is the bane of human existence. But the hermit must not dwell on these feelings, for feelings are riveting self to more self. The hermit must strive to the S of selflessness, through almsgiving, prayer, penance, and also the gratitude for joy, peace and comforts in this life, given by God although undeserved by the hermit.

Hermit Hours

2007-11-15T12:13:00.000-08:00

The hermit does not have a set horarium, or hourly schedule, daily. It just doesn't seem to work well, given the Order of the Present Moment. Yet, the hours seem to slide some days, and spontaneity consumes time.

Now that the hermit exists in more peace, has seemingly "crossed over" into deeper conversion to the hermit life (values and honors the hermit life God has chosen), time seems elusive.

This morning the hermit awoke following some messages in the night, of which the hermit will speak to the Spiritual Da and also the confessor. This will take time. The hermit, still battling sinus infection and trying to embrace the pain as always, awoke tired. But off to a medical conference in morning rain, to advocate and take notes for an elderly couple whose adult children are not in this area. It was good the hermit was there; the specialist was not the one they need, and assertive action was taken. Then the hermit returned some items to a store--one of two stores (besides bi-monthly trip to grocery) the hermit patronizes.

Somehow the hermit is disoriented in the world, increasingly so since the "crossing over." Thus, to acclimate to two stores is about all the hermit can tolerate. It simplifies shopping to limit the exposures; it is expedient and efficient. For hermitage maintenance, there is one store only, and the hermit does not have to go there now that the bulk is completed. Thanks be to God!

Then the hermit went into the Cathedral to pray and then to read while awaiting noon Mass. There was no one inside but the custodian, silently dustmopping the marble floors. An hour and half slid by in the silence and stillness; the hermit pondered the messages of the preceding night. Then the hermit read two chapters in The Life, Letters and Community of St. Catherine de Ricci and another day's entry from Ancient Devotions to the Sacred Heart (by Medieval Carthusians).

It seemed the Guardian Angel, Beth, nudged the hermit to float to the chapel for noon Mass, within minutes of commencement. Such serenity gained from the time with Jesus in the Tabernacle--the bulk alone as the custodian finished and departed at some point.

After glorious Mass, the hermit returned to Agnus Dei and attended to lentils and cheese in a small bowl, two pieces of ginger, correspondence, reporting to the daughter of the elderly couple the results of the doctor's visit, and a call from an adult daughter. This was the second call, as the hermit received the typical daily contact from a cousin who calls from a nearby town. What used to seem a needed contact by the hermit, is now only a needed contact by the cousin. However, the hermit is called to hospitality, and in our time, dropping what we are doing for a phone call is hospitality, odd as that seems. The task, as in days of yore when hermits dropped their basket weaving when a pilgrim stood at the door to their hut, is to funnel the conversation into the spiritual. So the hermit does this with the cousin, and with any other phone calls or e-mails (which also function as a form of cyber-hospitality).

Next the hermit must do some editing of consumer complaints, and pray the while for the people cheated by companies out there in our greedy world--and pray for consumers who ought not consume so much, or some types, of temporal objects. Then there will be some hermitage tidying tasks, and more reading, and more editing, and if God allows His time to be used thus, to watch once more the Carthusian film: Into Great Silence.

Or, the hermit might write another blog--one on what constitutes a mystic and the mystical life, as adroitly written by Fr. Bertrand Wilberforce, OP in his introduction to the St. Catherine de Ricci book. This entry may come under a different blog, as it has more to do with living all for God.

Anyway, the hermit has come to such a deep peace, and the time melts moment into moment, and the moments evaporate into Christ's side wound, and then flow back into His Sacred Heart, where therein the hermit praises God for the burning love of His Precious Blood, and praises God for the purifying waters which cleanse the hermit's stains of years of time not spent in union with His will.

The hermit is going to go to Mass quite early each day in order to spend time alone with the Beloved, in the Cathedral alone in God's time.

Would the hermit want a tabernacle in the hermitage? No. Why? The hermit prefers to be the least, to be low, to be unworthy--as the hermit is unworthy for such. Besides, while God grants the hermit the grace to be in such glorious encounter in a Cathedral, to absorb the souls who've prayed in those pews, to thank the souls who paid for the beauteous edifice--why think a Tabernacle necessary in the hermitage?

Pride would think so, this hermit thinks. It is an effort to get up, get out, drive to the Cathedral: an opportunity to be like everyone else in this small, hidden sacrifice--one that meets its return in beauty and the silent surroundings of souls seen and unseen, present and past.

Hermit and Family

2007-11-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

The hermit has returned from a few day's with the adult children and two grandbabies. This is the first time the three adult children and the hermit have been together in well over a year, and prior to that it was perhaps five years--at a daughter's wedding.

We gathered in a city at the home of the eldest daughter, her husband and baby girl. Another daughter flew in with her baby boy; the husband remained home with work. The son flew in from a large city. The occasion was an early birthday party for the baby grandson.

The impetus of this blog, nearly a year ago, was the comment of a friend who said I cannot be a complete hermit because I have adult children. She said that religious are not to have children, and also felt that formal formation is required to be consecrated. This life-long Catholic friend is like so many Catholics--some who don't know what "hermit" is or means.

Of course, the hermit thought it best to be "complete"--but is settling for "incomplete", if that is what God deems. But, the point of the blog is to chronicle the life of a current-day hermit, incomplete or complete. What does that matter?

Yes, a hermit can have adult children. Some hermits had spouses, such as St. Nicholas of Flue who had a wife and perhaps eight children. The family agreed that he could go up the mountain and live in his hermit hut. He returned when it was time to die. His family was just fine with the situation; they comprehended God's call in his life and gave allowance for it. No one should stand in God's way.

This hermit--me--also deals with suffering, with being a victim soul. The family gathering had been looked forward to with much anticipation of joy. The hermit brought gifts for everyone. It was truly a joy to be gathered with the adult children, the one spouse, and the grandbabies. The hermit was determined to not react to any unexpected occurrences or comments.

It was a physical challenge for the hermit to have so much activity and to be out of the hermitage, out of the daily routine and some of the Nine S'--such as silence and solitude and slowness. There were some horrendous dreams to deal with at night, and the hermit discerned quickly the devil was not absenting himself from this reunion. Dreams of the past implanted but yet were cast off in the morning hours.

Sleep was not so easy in a different environment. But what perhaps was the greatest challenge was trying to fit in, trying to be what the adult children would find acceptable. This meant stifling spiritual conversation. This was the greatest challenge for the hermit, requiring intense effort. The hermit is an awkward person, sort of a mis-fit into groups, especially those involving people acclimated to the world. The hermit has grown increasingly interior and sensitized to the spiritual. The hermit did not go to Mass in this city, and two days away from Mass took its toll. The gathering was one in which the hermit needed to be plunged into a different experience, and by the final morning, came: collapse.

When the son readied to leave, the hermit's eyes became waterfalls. There was no mention, but the tears continued. Then the daughter who remained as the others took him to the airport, had a talk with the hermit. Of course, no mention or very little at all was made using the "h" word the entire weekend, except one mention by the hermit of the enjoyment of writing blogs. But the adult daughter expressed some constructive criticism of the hermit, such as the awkwardness, and of seeming to be incapable, and of others not knowing what to do with the hermit, as the hermit seemed inable to relax. The hermit's bad habit of cuticle picking was brought out. Well, the hermit remained mostly silent, and yet did express that the hermit is uncomfortable, worn out, and awkward in that the hermit does not fit in, and knows it.

The hermit could not verbalize much of what was going on interiorly. That would entail getting into spiritual matters, into the soul, into the hermit's life in the Church, living omnia pro Deo, and the sensitivity to that which is in the surroundings. The hermit does feel very vulnerable to the views of the adult children, to sensing not being what they want, who they want, how they want. The hermit did mention this insecurity but did not explain further.

All the way home, the hermit wept. The tears had been rolling for over four hours. Once back at Agnus Dei, some answers surfaced. For one thing, the interior life does not cease in other environments; also, the hermit senses and absorbs an environment--deeply senses and absorbs. It was painful to not be able to discuss Jesus, to pray together even before meals, to be immersed in the world exclusively, exteriorly. The atmosphere resulted in great sorrow welling up. All the more the hermit realized how distanced from the three most loved of the hermit's life, the three closest for many years.

The Lord had a consolation awaiting the hermit in an unexpected letter from Father Abbot of a prominent Abbey. The hermit prays and offers sufferings for the monks of that abbey; the abbot gave good news: seven in formation and two coming this week! Also, there had been inter-religious dialog with Muslim scholars and a retreat for a group of the Catholic Worker movement. What amazed the hermit is that Father Abbot remembered the hermit from a visit nearly three years ago, at which time the hermit and the abbot had a chance encounter in the chapel, at a certain moment in which the hermit, from interior means, was to offer the suffering, to offer as victim soul, for the abbey. The abbot accepted.

Then came a phone call from a former assignee of the hermit, one for whom the hermit had offered suffering. It was a good phone conversation, and this soul is making progress, thankfully, but still very much needs prayer and encouragement from the horrible temptations of an addiction.

And, the hermit has prayer work to do with the adult children. Only one goes to church and has their baby baptized. The hermit wept more considering the consequences that could occur with just a moment of tragedy or accident. Why do we humans take such chances with our eternal souls?

The hermit returned to the Cathedral over an hour before Mass, just to BE there with Jesus, just to ABSORB the silence and solitude, the acceptance. It is at Mass that the hermit can be--can be however the hermit is. Perhaps others do not accept the hermit or even know the hermit, but the hermit is there with the Beloved, and the Beloved knows, understands, and accepts--even the cuticle picking.

And why does the hermit have this habit? Some from childhood, but mostly as a distraction, a kind of referred pain, to distract from the massive physical pain constantly burning the hermit's body, especially when sitting. The hermit is going to try to embrace the pain without picking the cuticle which so effectively causes other pain which distracts from the total body pain. It would be a great feat of sacrifice to embrace the all-over burning pain with no distraction. It will also be humbling if the hermit cannot break the habit. But the hermit will try.

Somehow the hermit has come to honor and value the hermit life. For sure.

Cold Snap at Agnus Dei

2007-11-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

Wind and chill, bless the Lord! Cold snaps at Agnus Dei Hermitage. The hermit must accomplish some errands before and after noon Mass. Then there is the appointment with the Tribunal regarding annulment procedings. Time to pull out the wool jacket, hat and gloves.

Today the hermit is pondering some lines from Ps. 73, particularly: Apart from You I want nothing on earth; and, To be near God is my happiness.

When relationships and all of life are filtered through these lines, holy indifference and spiritual detachment dwell within, with God in the soul. God is my possession for ever.

The hermit continues formation in not reacting to situations, to moods of self or others, to physical pain or emotional upheavals. The soul merely enwrapts in wool coat and hat and gloves and ventures forth into the wind and chill. Bless the Lord!

The lingering mosquitoes will call it quits soon, given the turn in temperatures. Time for negativities within to call it quits, also. The freedom persists, and the hermit faces challenges, mostly from others, in not reacting, not taking on the external disruptions, the anticipations of what might be intentions or agendas of others.

The hermit has prayed much for purity of intention, as of late. To simply be near God, to know God is my happiness, makes matters clear-cut. It is easy enough to love, and to love detrimentals in life, also. The hermit recalls Caryll Houselander's explanation of how we are able to love the ugly in others, to see Jesus in others who are not nice, not loving, not kind, as some people simply are not! Jesus is in these souls all the same, maybe more willingly so, as He frequented the houses of sinners!

He is in these souls (and my soul!), suffering in and with them in their miseries and failings. So, too, must we see Jesus in them suffering, and be willing to love the suffering Jesus in these souls, and thus love them with love of Jesus, loving Jesus.

Purity of intention makes quite a difference within the soul. Intentions are tricky matters, and purity is of God, and bequeathed by God through the graces the Immaculata imparts from her Son. The Holy Spirit is purity, and purity is breathed upon us when we ask. We must believe in purity, believe that we receive, and work with love. Love is pure, love that is of God. It is a pure love that crushes pride.

God: what else? Nothing but God: I have made the Lord God my refuge.

The Lot Marked Out for Me

2007-11-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

The lot marked out for me is my delight:
welcome indeed the heritage that falls to me!

From Psalm 16 come these words which impute the love we must have for our destinies.

The hermit ponders anew beauty of God's will, of simply staying on the straight and narrow path--the one God has marked for the individual soul. A certain warmth and easiness comes when one accepts boundaries and direction, of whatever that entails. Path signposts for the hermit are humility, hiddenness, obscurity, nothingness.

All destinies divinely marked out find delight in the following. Delight does not mean an absence of trials. Following Christ always includes picking up the cross daily. There is delight, however, in humbly and simply doing the Lord's will, step by step. The more self-will is trompled underfoot, the more delightful is the way, and the heritage--the destiny--becomes a welcoming existence.

The hermit wrote one more message to the young priest who has left his lot marked out for him--or taken a temporary detour, we pray. The hermit felt it fair-play to remind the man and his woman friend, that what we do (and think) are not hidden from others. Even intimacies are not hidden from supernatural viewings. This fact may not stop our sinning, but it should give us moment to ponder afresh the omniscience of God and the favors He grants to His emmissaries. We do not tred the path alone or invisible, even if in temporal solitude.

Yesterday the hermit completed painting the picket fence. The two young men came to help screw the sections into the posts--only to discover that inches were not included for the end boards to be fastened. Now we are sawing and making adjustments. It is a shame, and the hermit is stretched to embrace more patience and perseverance: the offering coincides with the patience and perseverance for the young priest and the woman. It, too, is not a done deal, not an easy fit, and needs adjusting and changing. The results will be visible somewhat, but in time one becomes accustomed to the error and the correction. Yes, there will be a correction in the deviation from the lot marked out for both of them, just as there will be corrections made in the fence. The fence will bear the consequences of imperfections; no way around it.

Souls bear consequences of actions, of going against the lot marked out, of veering from welcoming the heritage that is given as gift by God. Yet, one can simply step back onto the narrow path and embrace the destiny. It should be so simple.

Why do we make it difficult?

A glance at evil, at the devil, at Adam and Eve in the Garden--these help us comprehend that for various reasons, we mortals tend to be convinced and to convince others, that the lot marked out somehow should be enlarged and widened to encompass our own desires.

Rather, in stability and simplicity do we place one foot in front of the other, not looking about to embrace other lots marked out for others, or not marked out for anyone in some cases.

Freaky Peace and Joy

2007-11-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

This extension of peace and joy seems freaky. The hermit cannot recall this long-of-running spate of deep contentment--not for a very long time, if ever.

Yes, there have been some minor doubts; but the lone struggle, if one can call it a struggle, is that of adapting to such FREEDOM! The hermit is experiencing SPIRITUAL FREEDOM!

Today, the Bishop celebrated noon Mass on this Feast of All Saints. He emphasized prayer. He reminded us that to be holy, we simply must ACCEPT the gifts God imputed to us at our Baptism, and then to pray, to converse (as St. Teresa of Avila said) with God as we would with one who loves us. Be good, strive to be good, but holiness is a gift from God; and prayer is a means to accept God's gift through His love of us.

The hermit is accepting, deeply accepting, God's gift of this hermit life and the freedom that came unexpectedly with the acceptance.

Despite pain, the peace and joy persist. Despite working on not REACTING to how others perceive, whether or not they approve--the hermit enjoys peace and joy. The hermit realizes that nothing and no one can take away the hermit vocation that God has chosen. This in itself is quite freeing, for in all other endeavors, aspects or even huge chunks and sum totals were taken away or not allowed. But a vocation is eternal. The hermit will be a hermit will be a hermit. Vocation is interior with but external manifestations while on earth. Vocation is the vehicle, and being interior, that vehicle moves interiorly, intangibly, and numinously.

The other night the hermit had quite an experience involving the new assignment, the young priest who has fallen in love with a woman, or the woman with him; whichever occurred first is now moot. The hermit awoke in severe pain, the heart suffering much. Then some other manifestations occurred, and there was otherworldly work done on this case.

The next morning, the hermit decided (in an exercise of learning to not react, to not fear, and to be free), to write it out to the Bishop, in descriptive detail. The hermit decided to let the Bishop experience a bit what it is like, this assignment--and to wait to see how the hermit would fare in not reacting if the Bishop reacted. This may fall under the category of learning spiritual detachment or holy indifference.

The hermit has also had to deal with doubts. Did the hermit write too frankly to the young priest? Would he despair? Would he dig his heels in all the more? Is the hermit on firm territory in what was written, which is of faith? Or is the hermit deceived? Is the hermit stepping into business not belonging to the hermit as was sensed from the confessor? And, was that sense from the confessor just the hermit's own anxieties over something which is quite personal but very soul-threatening?

No word has returned from the young priest. The hermit wrote a short note today, expressing concern and love--love enough to be so open and frank; concern enough to want the young priest to know the supernatural realities of what he and the woman are about, and information for them to make informed choices other than what is merely temporal.

The hermit has gained strength in not reacting to no word from the young priest, in not reacting to the what-if's, in not reacting to the subdued and silent sentience of the confessor. The hermit is not reacting to thoughts floating about the mind of the Bishop's reaction to the letter sent.

The hermit has stepped out into the freedom, more like ether sent out into the galaxy; and it is acknowledged that humiliations will be embraced when errors are made along the way. In the freedom to embrace and love humility, resides peace and joy.

Another Potential Hermit Rule

2007-10-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

In reading the introduction to the life of St. Catherine de Ricci (victim soul and mystic), the hermit notes another potential rule of life. It also faciliates the three ways of the spiritual life: the three conversions necessary for any disciple of Jesus, seeking union.

From Psalm 33:15 we are advised:
Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

Yes, this could be another simple rule of life for any hermit, or a hermit's mini-course in the spiritual life--with overtures of St. John of the Cross, Tanquerey, and Garrigou-Lagrange! Why not quote the Dominican Fr. Bertand Wilbeforce's erudition of this Psalm?

"'Depart from evil.' The purification of the soul from all sin, mortal and venial, and from all affections and desires that are not for God, is the first stage of the spiritual life, and is called the 'purgative state,' or the state of purification.

"'Do good.' These two words indicate the second stage of the soul's life, which is called the 'illuminative state,' and consists in meditating on and practially imitating the life and virtues of Jesus Christ, the lifht of the world. The third stage is called the 'unitive way,' because the purified soul, formed after the model of Christ, does all that is possible to unite itself to God in perfect love.

"In these three ways, the ways of the Lord, all must walk continually. The beginner, though still unpurified, must try to follow our Lord and to be united to God by love, and the soul most advanced in perfection will always find defects to be amended and virtue to be practised more generously. But at first the chief work will be ot purify the soul, while after a time the main object will be to form virtuous habits by imitatng the life of Chirst, and at last the union o flove will be the one absorbing though and desires. This union can be always made more and more perfect; it can increase without measure."

[from St. Catherine de Ricci: Her Life, Her Letters, Her Community, by F. M. Capes; intro. by Fr. Bertrand Wilberforce, OP, p. xxii]

Hermit Formation

2007-10-31T07:14:00.000-07:00

The insight came during the night that hermit "formation" varies from the formation of monks and nuns. Hermits who derive from religious orders and congregations, of course, have the inherent formation, but hermit life involves unique formation by the Holy Spirit.

Since hermits' rules of life vary according to each hermit, the formation is unique. Since there is no novice master or mistress, the spiritual director might take that role, or the confessor, but not in as direct way. No, for the hermit, the Holy Spirit is the One Who forms the hermit according to God's will, and union with Christ as goal.

Much of the formation utilizes the rule of life, unique to each hermit, as the proving ground. Boot camp extends into life career into eternal destiny.

Some hermits may spend years working toward canonical approval; others may discover early on that God wills otherwise, and the formation requires more hiddenness. For all hermits, dying to self is requisite. The Holy Spirit moves in whatever way necessary within the hermit soul to bring this to effective result.

Formation for a hermit evolves moment by moment. Expect the unexpected within a framework of silence and penance.

Hermit Throws Down the Gauntlet

2007-10-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

The hermit is perhaps too bold.

In the past few days, the hermit threw down the gauntlet. It had to do with the young priest, very much marked for his destiny as a priest, who thinks, now, otherwise. The hermit wrote to him about sacrifice, then destiny, then mysterium tremendum, and finally lowered the barrels and shot the straight of it, of what is at stake should he continue to set his sights away from his priestly destiny.

The hermit told the B and VG about the steps taken in this, for better words, "assignment." The B seemed rather thankful that someone was telling it like it is to the young man who is bent on a deceptive track. The VG seemed perhaps amazed, and this would not have been his tactic. He is more prudent, steady, reserved. He asked the hermit to pray before the Blessed Sacrament to ask the Holy Spirit to make sure what words are used are those of truth and of the Holy Spirit. The hermit did this, for sure.

Part of the situation is that the hermit is fed up with the devil. It is not so much the young priest to whom the hermit was leveling the supernatural realities of the stakes here. It was a throwing down of the gauntlet to the devil who is stirring up the lust and desires, deceiving the young man and his older woman friend, that he needs intimacy and has been sad and depressed.

Perhaps he has been. Who brings sadness and depression to the soul? Who stirs lust and carnal desire, especially in the mind and body of a priest?

The hermit slept little last night, and this situation has been consuming in prayer and offerings. Today the hermit placed two books this priest had givent he hermit when he was in seminary, as well as his hand-written and typed letters of that time--and placed them before the Our Lady of Grace statue which sits atop the hermit's coffin in the great room of Agnus Dei. The hermit turns over the case to the Blessed Mother.

No more words need be written to the young man, now on leave from active ministry. The hermit now will pray and await whatever sufferings the Lord may be pleased to exact, commensurate with the needs of the dire situation.

The hermit, now, is suddenly and deeply exhausted from all this intensity. The sun is barely edging the tree tops, readying to slip beneath Lake Immaculata, down into dusk, and the hermit may crawl into bed to ponder many things in the heart.

Great Is the Lord Who Delights in the Peace of His Servant

2007-10-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

Despite additional physical suffering, the maidservant of the Handmaid of the Lord, the hermit here at Agnus Dei, experiences the Lord's peace. Great is the Lord! Great is the Lord's peace! Great is the Lord Who delights in the peace of His servant!

This from Psalm 35, in Office of Readings. And, for the young priest assignee, and for the hermit as well, comes this quote from St. Augustine which helps describe the indescribable mysterium tremendum for which the soul's heart yearns:

"Certainly we do not know something if we cannot think of it as it really is; whatever comes to mind we reject, repudiate, find fault with; we know that this is not what we are seeking, eve if we do not yet know what kind of thing it really is....

"Scripture says: He pleads for the saints because he moves the saints to plead, just as it says: The Lord your God tests you, to know if you love him, in this sense, that he does it to enable you to know. So the Spirit moves the saints to plead with sighs too deep for words by inspiring in them a desire for the great and as yet unkonwn reality that we look forward to with patience. How can words express what we desire when it remians unknown? If we were entirely ignorant of it we would not desire it; again, we would not desire it or seek it with sighs, if we were able to see it." (St. Augustine, in a letter to Proba)

The hermit commented to the Spiritual Da the other day that it is when a soul loses the reality of the mysterium tremendum that the soul turns out into the world. This is the case with the young priest who experiences sadness, loneliness and desires now intimacy with a woman.

Destiny is born forth from the mysterium tremendum, at the moment of conception when God implants the soul into temporal substance. To diverge from one's destiny brings confusion and loss of reality. What seems real, such as carnal love or even beautiful human intimacy, is untrue for a soul destined for union with God alone. For one destined otherwise, for married love, the soul would be in confusion if divergent from this God-will destiny.

Knowing one's destiny is crucial, no matter how long it takes to ascertain. All souls' destinies ought lead to Heaven; but the path on earth is unique to each soul, as each soul is created uniquely by God and for God.

When the sense of the numinous is suppressed in the Church, in souls, and discouraged in clerics and laity from fear that matters will get out of hand, the reality of the mysterium tremendum faces annihilation, suffocation. Temptation comes to fill the void with the temporal, good as some of the temporal may be.

But temporal is only temporal and only ever will be temporal.

Far better to deal with too much exuberance, with a few false mystics occasionally sparking from the fire of mysterium tremendum than to keep smoldering wicks ever smoldering, bruised reeds ever bruised.

Is it a lack of faith when those who lead souls fear the fire? Do they fear that fervor will burn out of control? Do they not have faith that God is in control of souls, of fires in souls, and that Jesus came to earth to set it on fire--and oh, how he wished it were burning already?

One's destiny is found amidst the burning flames. One must cast out into the deep, must throw oneself into the flickering flames of the numinous and burn within the mysterium tremendum of God. Only then will the soul meld with the One.

The soul is subsumed in the Divine Will, anihilated of self and all temporal sledge. The soul ignites with the Fire of Holy Trinity, burns and shines now and forever. Destiny exists in this eternal flame of union with God.

To remain outside the flame, or to simply smolder--to disembark from one's God-willed destiny, whatever that is for the individual soul--is to deny the purity of God's unseen, indescript, tremendous mystery.

Visit with Hermit's Anam Cara

2007-10-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the hermit visited the spiritual da: my anam cara. This nearly 88-year-old Irish priest is more the hermit and mystic than any other this hermit knows. He is a great mentor.

Of course, when the hermit tells him he is the mentor, the spiritual da scoffs, for he is exemplary in humility.

We discussed a recent assignee to the hermit: a priest of 8 years who is on leave from active ministry, for he has fallen in love, or thinks he needs intimacy to counter sadness. The hermit has written this young priest and prays much, and now the spiritual da is praying much, also. The young priest is marked by God for a special destiny, and the young woman who set her sights on him, as well as the priest who lost the priestly focus, face losing both their God-will destinies if they continue on this divergent path.

The hermit had written to the priest of the hermit's sadness and loneliness, of feelings of being suffocated, isolated. Yes, these are experiences and sensations on the path of union with Christ. While horrendous, they are to be expected. It is the reality, however, of their intensity, which sucks the breath from the emotions and the light from the mind. Darkness, dreer, and dank demisal storm the soul.

Ah, it is to die. And to die is good. The Bible tells us so. The spiritual masters tell us so. The saints show us. Jesus led the way; He is our Teacher and Exemplar in dying to self in order to rise in Him. That is when life begins.

The hermit's spiritual da sum anam cara spoke about sounding the depths. He reflected upon his childhood in County Galway and of going to the sea. He had a great fear of the ocean, of Galway Bay, and he'd watch people always put their big toes in to test the water before they'd jump in. Some would wade in, and rarely did anyone just jump without putting in the big toe.

He said that Jesus calls us to the deep waters, and this takes courage and faith. We discussed Peter walking on the water and of jumping in to swim to Jesus Who stood on the shore. Yes, Peter always had Jesus as His goal, His destination, and it wasn't like jumping into the ocean far out, without seeing Christ. So we must always see Christ, have Him as our destination, even if He does not stand visibly before us. He is here, standing, waiting to reach out a steadying hand, to receive us in warm embrace.

The hermit read a letter sent to the Bishop. Also, the hermit brought up thoughts on why priests (or anyone) has difficulty in fulfilling God-willed destinies. But these topics are for another writing session. The anam cara had much to comment on these, also, with readings augmenting--writings of Fr. Matthew Kelty of Abbey of Gethsemane.

So in the night when the hermit could not sleep due to pain, the hermit reflected upon the anam cara, and how God brought such insight and richness to the visit, with much love and help in the hermit's fulfillment of God-willed destiny.